Hey hello to you all today we are continuing our hot dog sexual education series in our quest to get more competents and considerate in bed with ourselves and others. I will admit we have had more ups and downs in our earning our Courteous Lover Merit Badge than i anticipationed at the outset, so I am hopeful that todays entry will be very good and acurate:
Maybe you can guess or already know that this one is a 1971 sequel to the 1969 sensuous woman book written by āJā
But this one is for HIM and costs a quarter more and was written by the much more masculine letter: āMā. Who we ventually learned was actually three people: J herself who went by Terry and two fellas, name of John and Len. I like to think they wrote this book in a big ol messy seventies waterbed together (you may position them in your mind accordin to your own procklivaties), passing hand-written single sheets of paper back and forth in a mid-coytus frenzy and deliten in there own sexual wisdom, pausin here n there to feed each other fondue from their feet, and also oil and comb out each others bushes.
Oh and hey look who they invited to join them!
Right back at ya and Thanks to the three of you for this oppertunity i will say Im a little nervous, i never used any hair product ādown thereāā before.
Now: let it not be said that i am static and unchangin, for over the course of my couple a years of research and writin about dirty books for this outfit I have given up on the idea of findin a truly wise sexual guru or guresse who is all-knowin and secure and wrote a book to teach me about it. Instead you might say iām cozyin up under these kinda scratchy blankets here with a warm spicion bout my bedmates who are prolly still dealin with their own hangups and ensecurities. All proud that their not gullible about the sexual myths of the generation before but still packin around some aaroneous believes of the time and place. So with that in mind lets open the pages of this mass-paperback tome and learn what 3 good sexual friends of mostly men had to say about the human sexuality of 1971. Now, Im exercising vulnerability with you guys, donāt let me down here!
And NO PEE STUFF! I have been warned in a dream that the devils water it aint so sweet.
So maybe by way of calabration weāll start by seein what āMā has to say about masturbation. They start with a little joke:
Which: I hadent heard that one before and it gave a me a medium-size chuckle AND it shows us Mās modern knowledge that self-touch doesnt even make you go blind anymore, so pretty good start guys!
So what will you teach me, the honestly pretty-willin student, about the pros of self-pleasure?
Yes i kinda think you already illustrated number 9 there (and number 6 i hope) by starting the list with incouragement to āwhip yourself offāā (there language) in between people takin emergency gas station burrito shits on the bus from Elko to Reno (everybody knows they have the looser slots in Reno).
Which i dont know if thats the sexiest settingā¦
Hawhaw alright you guys, fair enough! I promise I will try it on the next church tour of Golden Corrals.
Okay any other good tips about why masterbation you should do it almost always?
Well here i think your maybe underestimatin the internal complexaties of anybody who grew up in a Good Christian Home.
Wow i feel like weāre really listenin to each other here and establishin a sexy dialogue of oppenness and acceptance what i can only describe as: pretty groovy! I think I am ready to learn more from you three, maybe you can help me with what I am told certain men experience which is a sort of reluctants towards tumessence from certain male organs in certain new situations. I am a course speakin about Impotents. Do we even know why that starts happenin?
Huh well I never did that most of my friends pressure was about starting fires but i want to fit in here so Iāll shake my head sadly and say that is pretty classic alright. And then what would you incourage a hypotheticle impotent to do about this?
Ok that seems sensable, so what we want to do is keep it light and lo-stakes and not make it a heavy and dark thing. Maybe its like: a erection is just a good bud that comes around sometimes and its fun when hes there but things are still ok if hes runnin a little late or whatever and if we remember we dont NEED him to have a good time maybe heāll show up a little more often and easy! Or maybe its like a shy bigfoot weāre tryin to befriend is a better metaphor. Oh look at me trying to figure it out by myself when Ive got three wise sex-magi right here by me to tell me how to think lite and easy!
Well ok that is a pretty good and long and intense list of things to definitely not remember and rumanate about and have in my head during naked in counters. That limp sausage part is āspecially vivid i member when my dad tried to make his own venison wieners but he dident know the deep-freeze power was off for a couple weeks and-
Well i will try these helpful tips about getting good boners but not to change the subject but also I have been told that sometimes, even with a penis just full to burstin of blood, a man on the road to sensuosity will sometimes feel TOO sensuous and
Well yes, I see weāre just gonna be direct about it. (and theres those bad thoughts to remember not to think about again) but hold on a second, do we also know the origin story of this one?
Okay now i understand and also: Yes this makes good sense to me that when sex workers put in long hours and maybe too much work its mostly out of a strong competative spirit with each other.
Okay now that we have a good scientific know-how of why a ejaculation happens before anybody wants it to, how about some good tested and also based in science interventions for how to NOT do that?
Yes i probably know what your thinkin and I had to flip back to make sure of what section I was readin: So your tellin me when yr in the throws of passion and just kinda right there at the press a pits of sweet surrender that if you ADD self-bitin, that new sensation of a little bit a pain an primal hunger and maybe realizin you even want to consume your own self a little bit, if you START doin that that thatās a good way to turn your Horny levels down!?
Okay Iāll give āer a go, but i am making you three pay for any bandaids I might need!
Okay so you have helped me understand how to get into bed with a little smile and laughter, no big deal if my peen is soft at first, and then also bite as needed to prolong my inner course. Myself I am fortunate about I have a good and lovin sex pard at home already to try these out with so i feel like the only thing left now is to help The other Reader of the Sensous Man who has not yet found his LaRene to assist him in with how to find that. For himself. Her, I mean.
So how do we do that?
Aah-Ha! As a writin fella this has a strong appeal to me: a person must simply create and edit and re-edit the right combanation of words, in a solitary vacuum, and intimaty connections will surely follow! Oh hey the three of you are writers too, thatsā neat we agree about the love power of the written word!
Whoa whoa back up outta your afterglow a bit there you still need to give us some good ideas about āthe lineā that will work every time. Just because you had a chapter emission doesnt mean the rest of us are done yet. Gimme one a them lines you came up with.
Ooookay. That does sound kinda like theres a little of those fabrications we talked about dont do that? But im trying to keep my head and my heart orifices lubricated and ready for new experients and ideas so maybe tell me another one:
Okay so now i will use our safe word (āJiveāā) and tell you that monkey stuff is kinda a upsettin nonstarter for me and I am still upset with the 70s for spreadin the very false belief that ape sensuality somehow makes human people also horny.
Yes i know that and My Faith tells me that he will be held countable for that when the time comes. so im not mad at any of you but we just need to find another approach here. Lets start over give me another line that is a real good one here we go!
Ok what are we doin here i sorta feel like weāre not on the same page is this supposed to be serious orā¦
Hang on now so is becoming a sensuous man just a joke to you, āMās? Is this whole book a joke? Cause hot dog stuff, that is just panderin, to me, andā¦
Yeah, but then is this whole book a joke!? Cause you were givenā kinda medical advice in parts about thrush mouth and such and Wait when you were watchin me bitin myself and failin to not premature ejectulate was that also a joke!?
Hold On some of you are brother and sister!? Joan and John Garrity arent a married couple writing and wrasslin out a sex book with a fun pard!? You two are biological siblins and your writin a book about intercorse positions called the velvet buzzsaw and the feathery flick and the slidin pond and wait you invited me into this big Cutlass Supreme of a bed with youā¦
Oh yeah i guess thats true but i dident realizeā¦
So im goin to call my ride and say im ready to come home now because it seems like I have some reflectin and probably repentin to do about this one In The Name Of Jesus Christ Amen.
…
This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Sean Chase, a little John Garrity on the streets, a little Joan Garrity in the sheets.