Hi, I’m Robert Brockway from the Internet. You may know me from my time at Cracked.com, an affiliate store website that also once published comedy. I wrote a series called “Choose Your Own Drug-Fueled Misadventure,” that the creators of Choose Your Own Adventure Books once called “potentially damaging to the brand” and “absolutely copyright infringement.”
These stunning pieces of interactive fiction were unique in that they were just text and did not actually work as pieces of interactive fiction. It was a bold spin on the medium born out of anxiety-driven lockjaw and a poor understanding of how websites work. Now, many years and several firings after the fact, I’ve decided to make up for it by learning to code extremely basic HTML games just to give you this – the Choose Your Own Drug-Fueled Misadventure Remasters!
Each installment has been edited for gooder language, better jokes, whole new sections and yes — they’re actually playable!
The first episode is a rework of The Spy Who Huffed Me, now with the far more accurate title, Fuck This Blurry Arcade.
You can find it here on Itchi.io which is, as I understand it, a video game website for people that hate the video part.
Or you can just straight up download it here.
Turn to page 56 if you fucking love it!
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What? Are you trying to “turn” the internet? There’s no page 56. Just like… go look at the thing, then leave. God damn.
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This article was brought to you by our fine patron and Hot Dog Supreme: Mike Stiles, on whom the story “The Robot Who Fell in Love with Mike” was based.