Fucking Day: Man2Man Alliance 🌭

Younger readers might not know this, but there used to be more than six or seven websites. People owned their own domains, and when I say “people,” I mean human beings with names like “Steve” and “darklady89,” rather than demented flesh golems named “Elon” or “Mark.” They would open up Notepad, write some crude HTML, and put their unfiltered thoughts about Hostess Fruit Pies or bad children’s art online, and then they would go outside without a combination GPS/game console/internet browser/insanity inducer on their person. Some of these sites experienced an early version of what we would call “going viral.” At the time, that meant that they talked about them on the radio or you got an email about them from your uncle who worked in IT.

Today, it’s exhausting and soul-draining how the internet provides us constant information about the innermost thoughts and beliefs of strangers around the world, but in the early 2000s, it was novel and exciting. We craved these windows into the unfamiliar and could subsist on a single page of text and images for several months before moving onto the next Hampsterdance, Hello My Future Girlfriend, or what have you. Meanwhile, a modern user of social media is exposed to over a dozen Time Cube-level events in an hour of scrolling. Well, today I’d like to talk to you about a site that can more or less be described as “a Time Cube full of dicks.” Welcome to Bill Weintraub’s Man2Man Alliance.

The first thing I need to tell you is that all of the title text on this site is actually made up of images. That’s fine, people used all kinds of hacks like this in late ’90s web design. We were making it up as we went along, papering over our little failures with animated GIFs advising visitors that our pages were “under construction.”

Another example: Bill Weintraub either didn’t know how to use padding or thought of it as an effeminate, anti-masculine practice, so the actual non-image text runs all the way from one side of the page to the other. Ironically, this makes the site more readable on modern mobile devices than on desktop computers, because monitors have gotten a lot wider since 1999. Looking at the Man2Man Alliance on my 1920×1080, my eyes are bouncing back and forth across three good-sized phalluses worth of visual real estate. It feels like I’m doing EMDR, but the D stands for dicks. In the Man2Man Alliance, the D always stands for dicks.

Two dicks rubbing together. The banana tango. Sword fighting. A hyper-exclusive sausage party. Yeah. We’re building a coalition on the strong foundation of genital mashing for the mutual satisfaction of both participants, or a 1980’s third grader’s idea of what gay sex is.

But you don’t build an entire worldview — much less a website — simply because you’re into slapping meat. You do it because you believe that hog on hog action is the only responsible, ethical, and masculine way for two dudes to fuck.

We’re celebrating stuff now! We’re exalting things! Goddamn, I feel like I’m playing Magic: The Gathering. How about Frot: The Stiffening. Is that anything?

There are a lot of quotes, scare and otherwise, in that block of text. Bill’s rejection of sexual identity labels is one of many ways, as we’ll see, that he was ahead of his time. But lest you think he’s some live-and-let-live, easygoing kind of guy who just wants people to break out of the boxes that society puts them in, he is very much not that. He hates that.

Can you imagine Thor getting fucked up the ass? Iron Man? Captain America? Spider-Man? The Hulk? The Vision? Imagine it. Imagine it now.

If you imagined it, you have failed the first test. Anal sex is wrong, and The Vision would never take part in it. It is unclean, unpleasurable, and would reduce the masculine and vital The Vision to the role of a wretched and pathetic woman.

Bill Weintraub is not a conservative Christian commentator hollering about “the gays.” He is a man who has openly had sex with other men, who at times seems to have considered himself to be gay, and who created and maintained an entire website about gay sex for over three decades. That said, he does agree with the right-wing maniacs who are obsessed with the concept of anal sex.

The problem is, these guys think that all man-on-man action is anal, thus unwittingly bolstering the might of the gay power brokers who compel all men attracted to men to do butt stuff. To this, Bill Weintraub responds, “show me where in the Bible it says you can’t jack off two dicks at the same time!”

See, technically, lying with a man as a man lies with a woman means fucking him in the ass, because that’s the analogous act to penis in vagina sex. Playing word games with the Bible was a pretty popular pastime in the 2000s, when terms like “abomination” got thrown around on Fox News left and right and smirking atheists responded with passages about shellfish and mixed fiber clothing. Bill has intrigued me and I would like to learn more about his sexual and religious philosophy. Let’s check out the article “What Sex Is” to learn more.

Hold on, we’ve got to scroll past some unlicensed erotic art from 1996 first. Unlicensed, beautiful erotic art from 1996.

After an introduction in which Bill talks about how young boys think gay sex is wrestling and roughhousing and then are disappointed when, you know, sex enters the picture, he gets to an extended analogy between “heterosexual” and “homosexual” sex.

Ok, so the key thing about sex between a man and a woman isn’t the penetration at all, it’s the fact that they’re rubbing their genitals together. The equivalent form of physical intimacy for two men, then, isn’t anal sex, but frot — a term which, by the way, Bill Weintraub claims to have invented, distinct from the French-derived “frottage.”

Phalluses! You know, cocks! Dicks! Cranks, like the guy who wrote this article! Because, wait a minute, if bumping hogs is more like male-female sex than anal, then wouldn’t frotting be the real definition of lying with a man as one lies with a woman? Argh, my entire fetish-based worldview is crumbling! We need to find a rhetorical escape hatch!

There it is! I need to learn everything I can about Sensei Patrick, the man who calls pussies “squirrels” and dicks “cranks.” I’m clicking that link.

Holy shit, oh my God, I’m so happy I clicked that link! Each of these lines feels like a powerful blow from Sensei Patrick’s toned legs. “A black belt from the Bible belt.” “A dedicated beaver-banger” (text made red for emphasis). A kickboxing, dick-grinding champion of masculinity.

It’s fucking crazy that we were still doing this in the late 2000s or whenever this was added to the site. There were still men who felt like they needed to prove that just because they fucked other guys, didn’t mean they couldn’t beat ass. And besides, they didn’t do the really gay stuff. Just two members rubbing against each other, which is, again, the truest form of intimacy two warrior men can share!

There is a lot of combat sports stuff on the site. Bill Weintraub was either into MMA himself or else just realized that a lot of the guys who were fans were probably also into no-holds barred penile sparring. And evidently, at some point in the 2010s, he discovered SEO. I’m so glad he did, because it gave us pages like this:

It’s fantastic. This page was seemingly written to pull in hot young martial artists and convince them of the masculine fun and enjoyable masculinity of frotting, but it sounds like the demented porno fantasy of a middle-aged man.

Combat dude cum! I feel like I’ve heard that before…

Lawrence v. Texas ruled that state laws criminalizing sodomy were unconstitutional in 2003. That would put Bill Weintraub in his mid-50s when he wrote this desperate attempt to seem hip and cool to all of the kickboxers and BJJ young guns who typed “rubbing dicks illegal yes or no i am a karate guy” into Yahoo search twenty years ago. It sounds like Pauly Shore trying to explain sexuality to Brendan Fraser’s character in Encino Man. Major penickular grindage, buu-uuddy.

Back to Sensei Patrick, who has a fifty/fifty shot of being a figment of Bill Weintraub’s imagination like a gay Tyler Durden, which is the most redundant series of three words I’ve ever written. Patrick has a column answering a number of questions from men who would today be on Grindr insisting that they aren’t gay, just “open-minded,” but back in the dark ages were forced to send their timid inquiries to an MMA-fighting, pussy-slaying “straight” man because they were afraid that sending an email to Dan Savage would get them placed on a government list of sexual inverts.

This guy Rick wants to whet his wang against that of his friend, whom he has known for nine months. They get drunk together frequently, but Rick doesn’t know how to close the deal. Patrick opens with some sensible advice about trying to gauge his friend’s interest. Then he gets into the real, erm, meat of his advice.

Let’s recap: you want to maneuver the situation such that the two of you are alone on a sleepover, you’re wearing a nice button-up shirt (italicized and underlined because this is crucial), and play some previously-recorded WWE events to get in the mood. Once Steve Austin delivers the Stone Cold Stunner to Vince McMahon at Madison Square Garden and the object of your desire is hyped out of his mind, trick him into wrestling with you — but only after you take your shirt off because you’ve jacked the thermostat and, also, because you don’t want to wreck your nice button-up shirt.

This is a lonely and repressed gay man’s erotic daydream. If Rick followed any of Sensei Patrick’s advice, he was almost certainly murdered by a guy who escaped legal consequences via the gay panic defense. Shit, that got dark. Let’s liven things up a bit with some primo superhero frottage, buuuddy.

The tone of the Man2Man Alliance bounces back and forth more than a semi-hard penis ricocheting off another half-chub. It careens from early 2000s Maddox-esque celebrations of manliness to a burning desperation to seem normal, not like those assfucking gays. And again, the creator of this site is a man that most people who use everyday language and live in consensus reality would describe as homosexual.

But in Bill Weintraub’s mind, the fact that he never wanted to have a dick inside of him transformed him into a new form of True Man, one who had transcended the stultifying binaries of gay and straight, an inheritor of the masculine traditions of the ancients. And I know I’m saying this a lot, but I think it’s important to keep perspective here — this was all because he really liked the idea of two guys achieving climax through prick friction.

One of the big themes of the Man2Man Alliance is that frotting is something guys have been doing since time immemorial. There’s a lot of Greek and Roman statuary all over the page, the kinds of imagery you mostly see these days on verified Twitter profiles who post a lot about why don’t we build classically beautiful architecture anymore and also where did all of these brown people come from.

This is not mere advocacy for a sexual practice. It is a movement, a resounding cry across time. Also, I defy you not to hear this in the voice of the Soulcalibur announcer:

Bill’s warrior obsession puts him in fine company with men around the world and throughout history who have believed that contemporary masculinity has become corrupted due to the nefarious influence of feminism/non-white people/the Jews/woke/porno. As far as I see it, the main difference between him and a guy like Andrew Tate is merely that Bill Weintraub says the quiet part (about wanting to genital joust) out loud.

Actually, there’s something else that sets Bill Weintraub apart from his fellows: he believes that there is not only a vast, cultural conspiracy to rob men of their power as men, but that there is an equally insidious cabal plotting to force gay men to have anal sex with one another. Why? It’s not totally clear. Possibly to make gays seem more normal, because they have penetrative sex just like straight people? Psychiatry may be partly to blame here, as is so often the case.

I don’t know if your social circles include many gay men. Personally, I have known a number of them over the years, and none has ever complained of being belittled for not being into anal sex. I’m not saying it’s never happened, but I doubt that it occurs with the frequency that Bill Weintraub seems to believe it does. What I’m saying is, I don’t necessarily believe in the existence of a tyrannical Buttfuck Dictatorship.

Bill does, naturally. He has constructed an entire persecution complex with the Buttfuck Dictatorship at its core. Men are induced to have anal sex by pornography, social judgment, and disapproval at every turn, a pressure analogous and equivalent to the pressure to be heterosexual. He explains this in “The Story of Bill and Brett,” which is partly about how his lover died of AIDS-related illness in the 90s.

Please don’t go. Please don’t go. I’m not a monster. I wouldn’t drop that on you most of the way through an article making fun of Bill Weintraub if I wasn’t going to follow it up by pointing out that there are several articles on the Man2Man Alliance claiming that condoms don’t work and urging anyone who donates to AIDS organizations to donate to Bill Weintraub’s sexual holy war instead.

If you know anything about developments in HIV treatment and prevention over the last couple of decades, you might be wondering what Bill thinks of PrEP, a combination of drugs people can take to dramatically reduce their risk of seroconversion from HIV- to HIV+. Presumably he’d be happy about it, right? Well, here’s what Bill had to say in 2006:

PrEP is, you see, merely the latest ploy of the Buttfuck Dictatorship. Against this analist cultural juggernaut stand the Frot Men, the Cockrub Warriors, the practitioners of Heroic Homosex. Because if there’s one thing Bill likes as much as the idea of two dudes smackin’ salamis, it’s inventing six different terms for the same thing.

Bill Weintraub has spent thirty years constructing an elaborate sociolinguistic edifice around his unique sexual interests, time that could have been better spent doing almost anything else. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to have your own little kinks — maybe you read some adventure stories as a boy that made an impact on you and now you associate sex with manly wrestling, or maybe you were startled by a clown at your seventh birthday party and you can only get hard when you hear a balloon popping. Hell, maybe you saw Ferngully: The Last Rainforest when you were five years old and you have a persistent fantasy of being shrunken down and devoured by Tone Lōc. Just as an example, I mean.

The point is, it’s not a big deal. Everyone’s got their thing, and as long as it’s not interfering with your life or Tone Lōc’s life then there’s really no problem. If it was just that Bill Weintraub was really into python pounding, then it would be pretty cruel of me to write several thousand words mocking the Man2Man Alliance. But crucially, it is not just that. Bill Weintraub does not believe he even has a fetish. Nay, it is you who has the fetish, buttfuckers!

Remember, this is a guy who talks about anal sex the way homophobic pre-teens do. This is a guy who took the iconic ACT UP “Silence=Death” and turned it into this:

This sucks, man. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Bill Weintraub’s official position on sucking dick is that it’s not as bad as the dreaded practice of the analists, but it isn’t as honorable as frotting. I mean, if you’re sucking a dick, what are you, a woman? A pathetic, UFC-despising woman?

“Typical vaginized 20-somethings” is a hell of a phrase from this letter writer, who identifies himself as the “Naked Wrestler.” Let’s see how Bill Weintraub responded.

Um, notice how if his “man-hating” boss had said something completely different, say, a racial slur, rather than expressing her feelings about combat sports, there would have been consequences? CHECKMATE, VAGINIZED ANALISTS!

The Man2Man Alliance is the kind of site you could spend hours on, depending on your taste for Bill Weintraub’s manic alternation between furious masturbatory fantasies and angry rhetoric about anal “sex.” Hell, I didn’t even talk about the fiction — I mean the writing Bill intended to be fictional, like “Cockrub Warriors of Mars,” rather than all the stuff about the Buttfuck Dictatorship.

When you realize that this stuff sits right next to diatribes about how he’s being persecuted for engaging in shaft on shaft combat, you start to wonder whether maybe it’s all the same thing for Bill. Talk to any sex worker and they’ll tell you the same thing: there are countless men out there into something they’ve convinced themselves is the weirdest sexual interest in the world and nine times out of ten it turns out to be a garden variety foot fetish. But a lot of these guys don’t want to be open about their whole deal: the shame is part of the excitement. Maybe that’s why Bill Weintraub invented the Buttfuck Dictatorship. Maybe he was never an angry, fearful, judgmental man at all — maybe the entire Man2Man Alliance was just a sexual prop for him, a way to convince himself that what he was doing was nasty and awful and wrong so as to generate the frisson he needed to achieve satisfaction.

Or maybe he’s just an asshole, which according to his worldview, is the absolute worst thing I can call him.

Sadly (?), the Man2Man Alliance closed in November 2023. Bill Weintraub has made himself unavailable for correspondence, is no longer accepting donations, and will not update the site with new articles. But does this mean the battle of the righteous Frot Men against the insidious Buttfucking Dictatorship has been lost? No, says Bill Weintraub. The struggle has only just begun.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Good Satan and His Hot Witches, whose spinning frottledriver takes off 65% of any cockrub warrior’s ejaculation bar.