Founded on Leap Day of 2020, the strangest day of the most cursed year, 1900HOTDOG soon became the final website. Using words and images, like those of our media ancestors, our team produces an article about the broken or bizarre every weekday. Quickly! Learn of them!
1900HOTDOG co-founder, Seanbaby, invented being funny on the Internet and has spent decades curating the world’s least sane library. His interests include Punching and Fucking and his unwanted side effects are Nerding, Upsetting, and Learning. These five tenets would go on to define the Days of the Hot Dog Week.
🌭’s other co-founder, Robert Brockway, was the senior editor of Cracked.com during the Golden Age of world wide web jokes and will very soon be the first hunk to explode in space. He is a screenwriter and novelist with gripping books you can buy here, he just exploded handsomely in space.
Longtime 🌭 weekly columnist, Lydia Bugg, is a comedy writer, madness journalist, and adult clown mouth girl. Weird, that’s not what I typed. I said she’s an internationally regarded adult clown mouth girl. She is adult clown moṷ̸̽t̵͚̑h̸͎̚ ̵̠̈́g̷̪͛i̸̯̊r̷̫̅l. Huh. You can buy her novella Healthy Choices here.
Columbia professor, New Yorker contributor, and acclaimed author of How to Dodge a Cannonball and Everything Abridged, Dennard Dayle received the finest education from Princeton who had no idea it would be used to roast Christian Power Rangers and botched hardcore matches. “That’s altogether disquieting!” they might say, nerdily.
Star of web and pod, Merritt K is a ’90s nonsense expert and aspiring motorcycle centaur. Cool people buy her vampire novella Vampirocine, her vampire game Fledgling Manor, and her van-pire photo book LAN Party.
Pleasant genius, Alex Schmidt, is the delightful host of the Secretly Incredibly Fascinating podcast and endearing four-time Jeopardy! Champion. With lovely charm, he covers NHL, Pierce Brosnan, and architecture for this cat ghost and exploding head website.
Michael Swaim is an actor, author, producer, and rapper whose immunity to perversion and early exposure to Rutger Hauer makes him our leading depravity journalist. His usually less debaucherous work can be found at Small Beans.
Mike Drucker is an Emmy nominated writer who realized there’s no rule against adapting 1993’s worst game into a novel. His specialties are Mega Men, but never for the system you’re thinking of.
Tom Reimann of Gamefully Unemployed is a man of podcast and comedy whose beat includes space Mormon sex, Seagal fashion, and whenever possible, ’90s action movies.
Sissyneck is a mysterious drifter who leaves articles in a wet bag behind a Kwik Trip.
Lockmaster Tom Hawkins is 1900HOTDOG’s technical director. A multi-hyphenate among multi-hyphenates, he also writes the podcast roundups and illustrates them with a different art style each month.
Speaking of art, our site’s illustrations are by Internet favorite Rusty Shackles, with additional art from Michael Vincent Bramley and Brett Ellefson.
And that’s not all! Our readers are spoiled with other acclaimed, award-winning guest writers including Jason Pargin, Daniel O’Brien, Brendan McGinley, Chris Bucholz, Hana Michels, and Zak Koonce.
But in addition to keeping the desperate medium of text and pictures alive, 1900HOTDOG also produces two of the rarest of media properties: podcasts!
On The Dogg Zzone 9000, Sean and Robert invite reluctant guests to discuss cursed media from all walks of madness. Our supernatural spinoff show, BIGFEETS, is Robert, Sean, and Jason Pargin focusing entirely on the “hillbilly” “monster” “hunting” “Travel Channel” “show,” Mountain Monsters. Both podcasts, and their video counterparts, are edited and mixed by our sound engineer, internationally beloved musician and adult film star, Jamie Kelly.
Like we’ve probably mentioned, 1900HOTDOG is ad-free and funded entirely by Patreon, and as we grow we give more and more money to the talented writers and artists we just mentioned. We also celebrate subscription milestones with theme weeks. Let’s look back at some now! This is how lunatics measure success!
On Hunk Week (first week of March, 2025), we celebrated buns. We celebrated loins, long blonde hair, and eggs. No part of the hunk went unsung starting with Lydia getting fit with Fabio in Fabio Fitness featuring Fabio. Dennard read some troubling letters sent to Playgirl magazine. Merritt got abstract with the concept by chronicling the lifelong rampage of egg ogre Big Lenny, and Zak kept strictly on theme when he watched Hunk, a movie about a hunk maybe named Hunk. And to finish things, Sean and Robert went head-to-head in a game of hunk designed by Sean based on a Chippendales VHS tape.
By swollen-headed decree, the last week of May, 2024 became known as Mascot Week! Liddy faced The Supermodelquins followed by Dennard on Bernard and Merritt vs. Izzy. Brockway explored the tragic derangement of Rock’n Rollen, and Sean used the tragic flavor of Grape Nuts to recharge Volto From Mars.
It was the first week of February, 2024. And we don’t need to remind rescue workers, it was APE WEEK. Lydia tried her best to swerve away from apes but ran right into Tim Curry’s Face. Dennard, as is his way, took a zany cartoon monkey and made it into twelve layers of narrative discourse. Swaim, Brockway, and Sean each explored the more ordinary topics of a sky-diving karate chimp, a detective ape, and Wonder Woman teaching one gorilla how to read using a meteor and then forming a baseball team with it to save a school, respectively.
On the last week of October, 2023: puppets, PUPPETS! Lydia, once again, swerved away from the theme and into Tim Curry’s face. Dennard accidentally fell in love with objectively awesome samurai puppets, Dennard and Liddy came on the Dogg Zzone 9000 to talk about the worst (for so many reasons) puppeteer, and Brockway discovered a cop who tried to remake Miami Vice for kids out of rapping socks. Oh, and Seanbaby obviously rewrote all of the dialog from a 1939 blackface ventriloquist movie and everyone turned to crabs.
During the fifth month of 2022, Anime Week fell. Lydia talked about the one episode of Sailor Moon they were sensible enough to ban while Dennard looked at an episode of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure they definitely should have. Brockway made Sean and Liddy watch an unspeakable horny dog thing for the podcast, then teamed up with Sean to look at two anime movies produced by cults. And finally, Seanbaby, who hates this anime shit, uncovered an Epstein-like publishing scheme when he tried learning to draw sexy manga girls. So Anime Week ended up being All Sex Crime week, which you probably realized by the time you were done reading “Anime.”
There was, briefly, a show where monster trucks were also wrestler men. I’m explaining it too well, let’s add some confusion. In May of 2023 we commemorated the short-lived monster truckman-racing show, Monster Wars, with Monster Wars Week! First, Brockway and Seanbaby wrote a two part Teamworking Day trying to explain it. Next, we invited Napoleon Blownapart onto the podcast to try again. Lydia thought maybe she could frame the Monster Wars concept around their fashion, and Dennard ended the week by giving in and just enjoying the truck men shrieking from their human form.
We also did a Golden Age Comics Week featuring the dizziness of Dizzy Dames, the stupidity of Captain Ghost, the racism of Chop Chop, and the unimaginably conked Lash Larue. And before you ask, yes, we did a Rumble in the Bronx Week (M, T, W, Th, F). The point is, we know how to celebrate our publishing success and we have these people to thank:
Here we honor our producers and Hot Dog Supremes. Those whose love of comedy drove them to make the ultimate sacrifice: $50.
Nick Heyman, the “what” in every “my god, what could have done this?”
Rhia, whose name means “irresistible all-beef” in every language.
Nick Ralston, Villain Monthly’s two-time Handsomest Lair Intruder.
Jaber Al-Eidan, the bard of every party, be it D&D, Superbowl, or political.
3 Finger Louie, the Blues legend banned from every musical venue past, present, or future.
John, the reason no truck-stop bathroom stall has a functioning lock.
Dean Costello, the Meanie of Weanie, the First Chair Cello of Hot Dog Jello.
Matt Reiley, our only patron at any level with no criminal food fetishes.
Eric Spaulding, the only man alive who remembers the Berlin Foosball Massacre from an erased timeline. Pity him as much as you envy him.
Neil Bailey, the undisputed shogun of Kansas City (Missouri, not Kansas; that is GapeWulf territory)
LaziestManOnMars: Might be lazy but he made it all the way to Mars. The fuck did you ever do?
Neil Schafer, who was voted ‘Most Likely to Fuck a Whole Mountain Range’ Senior Year, and while he hasn’t succeeded yet, you have to admire the way he tries.
toasty god, duly elected mayor of uncooked bread.
John McCammon, who left fighting behind him, at least until Baron Arena took his daughter.
Armando Nava, whose name is an anagram of how they were conceived: a rad van moan.
Lyman, a magnificent youth who brandishes the magical broadsword, Lycheaper!
Josh Fabian, who spends montages nodding yes to every single hat you try on.
Brianne Whitney, who discovered the scientific formula for diagnosing a crew of being “through” or “2 legit 2 quit.”
Timmy Leahy, the true meaning of Christmas.
Mike Stiles, on whom the story “The Robot Who Fell in Love with Mike” was based.
Aidan Mouat, the Patron brought to you by the new Arby’s Edible Six Cheese Sandwich Mask with Cheese.
Adrienne Hisbrook, who has gotten away with every human crime and six dog ones.
Zachary Evans, who fills every room with his boisterous spirit, and also bees.
Yossarian, who will burn this place to the ground unless they change the Sonic movie back.
Josh S, who appears whenever you whisper “Beefbod” six times while looking in a mirror.
Ken Paisley, The Shogun of Slam, the Daimyo of Damn, the Tenno that’s a straight ten, yo.
Dr. Awkward, The 5th dentist when they say “4 out of 5 dentists recommend Crest.”
Benjamin Sairanen, The hidden secret face unlocked when you beat Mount Rushmore.
Jamie Gordon, who was not listed in the UFO papers and would like for it to stay that way.
Rich Joslin: If a jetski could be a man, it would be honored to be called Rich Joslin.
Jeremy Neill, the man, the myth, the reason your favorite Golden Corral shut down.
Alpha Scientist Javo, the first of the Scientists Javo, and *gun cocks* one day the last.
Children Love the Meat Milly, who is already under investigation, arrested, convicted, and now executed for that name. RIP.
Brandon Garlock, who was once deemed “too funky” for Disney’s California Adventure.
Moexu, Sorcerer Supreme of Solitary Sex Magick.
Matt Cortez, who is currently scamming a family out of room and board by pretending to be a bigfoot they’re hiding from the world.
Adam Ruth, known to his friends as “Baby,” known to his enemies as “AIIIEEEE!!!”
Chase McPherson, Skeet Holler Possum Derby champion eight weeks runnin’.
Dan Bush, Lover of Kate, defeater of George, often burning but never burnt.
Haraka, who hails from Savage World, and takes the form of a pterodactyl… with guns!
Moexu, who once assimilated into a tribe of apes as a practical joke… on the apes.
Patrick Herbst, also called “Herbie the Love Bug” and not for a cute reason.
Jeremy Alan Sargent, who plays Lead Bass in the all-bass band The Basstards.
Aaron Croston, Charismatic leader of Aaron Croston’s Aaron’s Devils, enemy cult to Corey Feldman’s Corey’s Angels.
KNM, who has super-powerful legs. Who can jump higher than god. Who loves jumping higher than god.
Chris Brower, who can never paraglide naked because of the drag coefficient.
Mark, who can kill a man using only a stick of gum, two hockey tickets, and a gun.
ND, of whom it is said a great comet will prophecy their birth, and a badass fireworks accident shall foretell their death.
Tom Sekula, also called The Human Tornado but for non-sexual reasons.
FancyShark, sometimes referred to as the sixth Spice Girl, the secret one we do not discuss.
John Minkoff, who for tax purposes is a small island in the Black Sea.
Haught Phart: of the Devonshire Pharts, a proud and storied legacy of Pharts.
Donald Finney, whose secret fighting style can only be taught to dying orphans, so as to spare the world from their rule.
Curious Glare, who went toe-to-toe with a grizzly bear in a vicious, no-holds-barred dance competition.
Rev: played a guitar solo so rad it exploded Eddie Van Halen’s crotch. From two states away.
Nicholas Duncan: has sown the wind, and shall reap the whirlwind, and will mill its grain to make whirlwind bread.
Brian Seiler: rode into this dedication using two sharks like skis and it was powerful. Powerful.
Neophont: cannot be defeated in arm wrestling, and science cannot explain why.
Ozzie Olin: directs traffic at the intersection of awesome and terrifying.
Bim Talzer: is the comic book sound effect for Batman punching a laser.
John Dean: is the dean of John University. It is a party school and he is a party dean.
Andreas Larsson is a gold medalist in the only TRUE Biathlon: Hot Dog Eating and Aquatic Ultimate Fighting.
Michael Lehr once stole a cursed lizard hide from the British Natural History Museum and now no longer generates organic warmth.
Rain Vargas has personally destroyed six starfish tanks and will not apologize to Sea World San Antonio.
Michael Wells, who originally told Wesley Snipes to say “always bet on black” in the hit action film, Passenger 57.
SpottyReception won a drag race on foot and is the reason we have those draconian drag race drug tests now.
Burritomouth is technically a mountain, for wrestling classification purposes.
Ted H has mastered an ape. We’ll say it again: Mastered. An. Ape.
Mickey Lowman, who pulled the immovable Corndog from the Stone and now rules the grand kingdom of Indiana.
AnAndy, who has defeated all other Andys and absorbed their powers. Behold, the infinite powers of Andy!
Jeff Orasky invented a new type of medical guitar.
Waylan Russell despises mini-golf and that’s why he invented MAXI-GOLF.
James Boyd is blacklisted at every rental car agency on Earth for being too good at jumps.
M Jahi Chappell transforms into a fighter jet if there’s ever a situation their fists can’t handle. This has never happened.
Greg Cunningham knows the sound the nuclear football makes when you spike it.
John Hector McFarland once befriended a magical candy-loving alien and betrayed him to the government for a new bike.
Chance McDermott lives by one motto: “You might regret playing it safe, but nobody regrets taking a… McDermott.”
Max Baroi has never been defeated in a footrace. He’s not all that fast, he just owns a lot of throwing stars.
Supernaught is the reason Double Dragon starts with “based on a true story.”
Sean Chase is the only person to fly a harrier jet through a Taco Bell drive-thru and live AND get the correct order.
The Artist Formerly Known as Devon was formerly known as something else, before… the Superbod Incident.
Thomas Cavazos developed a new kegel program whose practitioners can crush tractors with their genitals of choice. It really works! ASK US HOW WE KNOW.
Badger has the bite strength of a great white and uses it to free felons trapped in burning cars. Only felons.
Joshua Graves was once crowned King of Spring Break and the reign that followed was bleak and terrifying.
Mack Miserable is an elite assassin whose calling card is a mysterious purple stamp in the shape of two veiny eggs sitting side-by-side, left on the forehead of every victim.
Harvey Penguini is most trustworthy human. Harvey not three penguins stacked together. Harvey want fish, unrelated to penguin thing. Humans like fish, too. Fish!
Neku104 turns into a car if they get aroused OH NOOHOOONNK HONK!
Seren is a type of ceremonial sword used in Klingon divorces.
Rachel once invented a type of fuck and now viciously enforces the copyright.
Joseph Searles fed that bear cocaine. He thought it’d be funny. It was!
Johnny NoFun self-identifies as a speedboat. This is not a gender joke. It’s for tax purposes.
Yannis Ioannidis has seen every Highlander movie ever made and now believes he’s immortal, but there’s only one way to check.
EveryZig once tied two monkeys together to form Monkeychucks and successfully defended themselves against a tribe of furious, non-chucked monkeys.
Clementine Danger is either the name of an anime where schoolgirls combine into a mech when they’re sexually embarrassed, or it’s military slang for a chemical weapon.
Josh Quicksall is the king of the space apes — the brutal, tyrannical king of the poor oppressed space apes.
Jim Salter: Back in ’72 the entire staff of CBGB only knew him as “The Electric Motherfucker.”
DustysRadTitle is an honorary member of the Mile High Club.
Honk! Honk! That’s Car for “OH FUCK.”
Chase built an invincible bulldozer and drove it right through our hearts.
Craig Lemoine is Batman: The man who hits people with bats.
David Shull invented a new dance craze called the Go Fuck Yourself.
Gareth is currently being sued by McKee Foods for his knockoff snack cake business: Big Debbie.
Draycen is a nuclear werewoof and can only be killed by zero carbon footprint bullets.
Leesa, whom all lesser creatures fear, all medium creatures respect, and all greater creatures lust after.
Eric Rion has a lot in common with a milkshake, he’s cool, smooth, and will go straight to your hips.
Cuevas can palm a Shaq like Shaq can palm a basketball.
TanTan once surfed a tsunami through the ruins of downtown Los Angeles and all he got was this lousy dedication.
Velo once met a comet who needed to have sex right then or they would explode and anyway, that’s why we have Comet Boy.
Mark Mahoney dresses up in a full mascot costume to fight children. It’s not a job, it’s a calling.
Vooster has placed deadly traps all around the city and they can only be disarmed if you solve her riddles, which she gets off of popsicle sticks.
Badger can bite through lies. They’re delicious and chock full of Vitamin D(eception).
Justin Brewer’s right hand cannot be used — not for fighting, not for groping, not for bitchin’ guitar solos — without presidential authorization, a series of codes, and two keys turned in sync.
Kyle Campbell is considered a sovereign nation, complete with its own ambassador: Kyle Campbell.
Daniel Sloane stole the Declaration of Independence just to add one name that history forgot: Fart Patrol.
Michael Dillon once put an ape in a rocket, not to test the rocket. To test the ape.
Jared MountainMan came here to do two things, drink moonshine and make more moonshine for drinkin’.
Mort, a consort we exhort, a cohort with no retort don’t contort our report on Mort.
Good Satan and his Hot Witches tears ass around town in a sweet custom hot rod shaped like an eggplant. Wait… that’s no eggplant!
Alex Knollenberg can be folded in half 13 times, at which point he will become a Black Hollenberg from which not even light can escape.
Zach and Eva have won every single Double Dutch tournament they’ve entered, often by forfeit when their opponents mysteriously disappear just before the match, never to be seen again.
StaticDust once hacked into the Pentagon’s servers and replaced all of their top secret alien documents with pictures of that rat with a big ass.
CommonCentz built a life raft out of corpses and sailed all the way back to civilization, rather than die stranded on the savage isle of Manhattan.
Cheddar Wolf is one of those wolves they talk about being inside you. Seriously, go check.
OrneryWeevil successfully seceded from the United States of America and now travels that enemy nation in a sovereign Kia Soul.
Lucas Keen is deadliest of the mall ninja: armed with tin katana, he carries out brutal food court assassinations on behalf of Shogun JC Penney.
Lane Haygood is a juiced-up hot rod with no brakes, just two gas pedals – one marked “fast,” the other marked “faster.”
Doug Redmond is a falconer with such precise control he can command his raptors to build an exact scale replica of character actor Bob Hoskins. And nothing else.
SEEEID taught David Lee Roth how to do the jumping splits, but is not responsible for all the harm that has caused.
Jared Ruiz is the leader of Squirt Force, 1993’s all windsurfing police force now with WOW! Real wetting action!
Jared Clack befriended a giant radioactive lizard and named it Thotzilla. We all agreed it was a bad idea, but nobody could stop him! Because of Thotzilla!
Nick Lovino is a clone of the first man to do finger-guns. We could not let that kind of genius go gently into night.
SPACEJAMFAN won the Nobel Prize for Rollerblading.
Eric Christian Berg rides a tiger to work and parks it in the handicapped spot because it is a very old tiger.
Hendrik Sorensen once prevented a dam from bursting by plugging the hole with only his … well, you get it.
Autumn Armstrong-Berg is a human cannonball aimed squarely at the President of the United States of America.
Elizabeth Shope is a genie who only grants karate-based wishes.
Elliot Watson had three wishes and used them all on karate, karate, karate.
KVH is suing Steven Seagal for stealing the name of their autobiography, Me Want the Punani.
Russell Bauman is every cowboy’s dream: riding two horses at the same time.
Yvonne Clapham set the land-speed record for fastest rocket-heelys. RIP.
Pee-Wee’s Uncle is testing a new research chemical that makes you think you’re a chair. It’s okay to sit on him.
Sam Koepnick was in a tragic waterskiing accident and permanently lost the use of both of his skis.
Victor Malevankin was the first guy to start shooting in that jungle scene from Predator, and he never had the nerve to tell the other guys he was just startled by a squirrel.
Rebrandrew made first contact with aliens and his desperate insistence they learn to high-five is the reason they never came back.
Edgar Matias is technically a crustacean piloting a human body, Krang-Style. The fear of sauce and breading should have given it away.
RedWyneTyme owns a private beach beyond the reach of conventional laws, and rumors say every year they hold a mysterious volleyball tournament… to the death.
Thomas is currently doing a Most Dangerous Game situation, and is just about to to turn the tables on the hunters so it is they who become the hunte- HEY, BILLIONAIRES, HE’S HERE HE’S RIGHT HERE.
Chloe invented a form of sexual karate so deadly it was banned in all karate and most fucking competitions.
Ogi-Wan Supreme can kick a penguin harder than any other person on Earth. Not saying they WILL, just saying they CAN.
Katie Favell transforms into a car when hot. It’s a Ford Fiesta but that’s still pretty cool.
Josh Quicksall is roommates with a drunk chimp and a horny robot and nobody will buy the fucking sitcom rights.
I Want Brockway to Say Dyke knows Brockway always quietly slips a Dick Van in there first.
Christopher Worthen is doing an Emperor’s New Clothes thing, except he knows they aren’t real. He wants you to say something. That’s part of it.
One Ball Inn is one of those hard candies with a soft gooey center that gushes in your mouth. Hey, some freaks like those.