When you work for 1900Hotdog, you have to keep track of your maniacs. Roughly once a year, for the last three years, I’ve reported on the movements of a man driven to madness by the loss of his one true love, a Garfield licensing deal.
So, what’s Nathen Mazri, failed GarfieldEats restaurateur, been up to lately? Well, he’s taking his fight for Garfield straight to the top. He’s running for political office. Ladies, get a man who fights for you the way Nathen Mazri fights for Garfield. He will become the Prime Minister of Canada to get his ex-back.
I know you’re probably thinking that this isn’t about Garfield and I’m being a silly little goose when I say it is, but it’s very explicitly about Garfield. He says it’s about Garfield. It’s been four years since he lost the license to sell Garfield merchandise and two years since he actually stopped selling Garfield merchandise…
… give or take some NFTs of him and his Garfield frozen lasagna. The point is, he’s still WAY not over it. He’s making himself the Garfield candidate of Canada’s far right.
What does the People’s Party Of Canada stand for exactly? It kind of seems like they’re a far right party that’s trying to present itself as a middle-of-the-road Sensible Joe party. They do have one policy point that seems pretty radical: “Approve Trans Mountain.” I too think we should give Trans people their own mountain. Whether it’s a theme park, a restaurant, or a secret dojo, do it: Approve Trans Mountain.
Oh, sorry, that’s about oil drilling, boo. Apparently, Mazri is a huge climate change denier. In his opinion climate change can’t be real because God wouldn’t let us drill too much oil, or something.
His main platform seems to be talking about corporate corruption, which, in his opinion, means he wanted to start a business and found out it’s actually pretty hard. Sometimes things happen that are totally out of your control, like Paramount gets mad when your tweets sound like you kind of want to fuck Garfield, so they take your Garfield license away, or no one wants to buy Scooby-Doo Lasagna because that makes no earthly sense, Scooby-Doo isn’t a big lasagna guy. So, that’s government corruption.
You can tell someone from The People’s Party Of Canada is working hard behind the scenes to scrub social media in a way that makes him seem less weird. They managed to delete the post-Garfield phase where he was rebranding celibacy. Good note, but sorry, the internet is forever, People’s Party Of Canada.
However, they couldn’t pry the Garfield thing from Nathen’s lasagna-covered hands. His knock-off Garfield Jesus podcast, The Nathfield, is still up, and it’s going strong. He’s posted one nine-minute long episode in the last two years, probably due to government corruption. He even released a sad country theme song about Nathfield fighting the apocalypse, or at least something called a grease storm? Which seems like a very climate change-based apocalypse scenario, but maybe I’m wrong? Let’s check out those lyrics. They’re probably normal.
Yes, the theme song mentions Nathen Mazri by name and how good he is at licensing, which is not a skill, multiple times, at one point referring to him as “Nathen Mazri, The Wizard Of Dreams.” There aren’t many theme songs bold enough to take a long pause in the middle to compliment the person who wrote and produced them. “Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Paul Francis Webster can slam dunk a basketball” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Nathen Mazri has made Nathfield, the Garfield knock-off that Paramount can never steal from him, an integral part of his identity, and he’s made himself a character in Nathfield’s world. So, does that mean the People’s Party of Canada is part of the Nathfield universe? Well, in the Nathfield Discord, Nathen invited people to send in fan art of the character, and this was one of the responses.
The Nathfield Twitter has a People’s Party Of Canada cover photo and tweets a lot about politics but in a far more radical way than Nathen Mazri does on his own profile. His profile has a lot of political interview clips of people he idolizes, like Tucker Carlson. Meanwhile, on the Nathfield account, he’s still taking out personal grievances, and not just Garfield-related grievances either. He had the orange cat that’s going to save our world from grease call his sister a “butch raging lesbian.” As far as I can tell, Nathfield’s butch raging lesbian sister is not a character in the cartoon.
He also went through a phase in 2024 where he kept predicting the end of the world every few months using cat food-brained numerology, and never deleted his predictions when he was wrong. Nathen! You can delete things when you’re wrong, and no one will ever know it happened! Like when you jumped up and down in a CELIBACY IS SEXCY shirt. But he is right about one thing: 48 + 8 = 57.
The deeper you dig into Nathen Mazri, the more his political views turn to conspiracy theories. The Nathfield Discord has members who believe Apple is using airpods to steal your thoughts so they can advertise to you better. I wanted to let them know that Apple doesn’t want their thoughts. Apple doesn’t care enough about you to waste the server space combing through your irrational fear of stingrays and desire for a pastrami sandwich, guys.
The main Nathen Mazri account does have nods to Nathfield as well. His AI-generated action figure comes with an orange cat sidekick! It’s cute, but don’t ask what it thinks of its sister, or things will get real dark.
What about that new podcast episode that Nathen dropped earlier this year? Surely, he knew he had political aspirations in mid-January when the episode was released. It looks like he announced his candidacy a month later. Did he do anything to tone down the podcast’s weird religious themes or untamed Garfield rage? Sort of! It did get less religious! Way angrier, though; in exchange.
In episode four, Pig Bill and Nathfield finally meet and fight! This is huge for the Nathfield universe which has so far been mostly a commercial for another unsuccessful Nathen Mazri business, an app called egeez, and characters monologuing about how corrupt the world is. It’s the first real action in the Nathfield universe, and it attempts to explain what a grease storm is!
Pig Bill, a “dangerous cybernetic troll and hack pig,” is attacking the people of Toronto with a Nano Blaster 5G, a device that releases a massive hacker attack clogging digital lives with grease. I think this means he’s stealing information from people’s phones, and the grease is more thematic or metaphorical, and more about the fact that Pig Bill is a pig that makes bacon, which is greasy. It’s also important to note that in this cornerstone episode, Nathfield has a new voice actor. Can you guess who it is?
If you said licensing wizard and world’s youngest Garfield Licensee, Nathen Mazri, you’re correct! Nathen gets some real zingers in on Pig Bill like, “Give up already! Just like the Metaverse, no one’s joining your 5G greasy nano lame-o squad.”
This is such a convincing argument that Pig Bill is absolutely hobbled by it and quickly retreats on a “hoverboard made of frying pans from Walmart.” It’s a nine-minute episode with one minute of theme song, so not a whole lot happens, but everything that does happen is now officially tied to The People’s Party of Canada for life.
This is probably going to shock you, but the People’s Party of Canada currently has no member seated in parliament. They ran 312 candidates in 2021, and none were elected. I don’t love Nathen’s chances of beating the odds and winning his election. Remember, he is running to go after the people who took Garfield away from him—he says that explicitly. This final failed bid for Garfield’s love could put him over the edge.
I’m just kidding. I’m not that worried about Nathen. He’s got a new sidepiece, and it’s The Smurfs.
He’s supposedly been in talks with them about the app he says he’s launching in 2025. It will help small companies secure licenses to sell official branded merchandise from corporate IP holders. I hope The Smurfs love Nathen in a way Garfield never could. If not he will run for Winnipeg City Treasurer and show them who’s boss.
This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Velo, who understands that if you let Nathen Mazri win an election, you legally have to download the Nathfield app.