Fucking Day: Wicked City

So real quick: I want to talk to you about something in that scene from Wicked City, the 1992 live action adaptation of the anime movie about businessmen fighting demons. You know which scene I mean — the really hot sexy one.

No no, not the one where the businessman starts to bang a prostitute and she transforms into a fleshspider and tries to kill him. Iconic sex scene, for sure. Up there with Basic Instinct — that closeup on sweaty Wayne Knight ogling crime vagina? 

You can’t tell me that turgid Newman shot doesn’t rumble your grundle exactly as much as a murderous sexworking were-spider. I won’t believe it.

No, I’m talking about the scene where-

Oh what, the power station power bangfest? 

No, I wasn’t talking about that one but I feel you — an underrated scene for crankin’ one out. 

I mean, when they both cum separately on the power lines, and then they link up and ride the lightning to screw sideways on the fence? 

That fucked up puberty for our entire generation. 

Right?

I mean, to this day all I have to say is “power station” and most of you will have to grab a fork and excuse yourself to the bathroom. A minute later the lights will flicker and you think you’re sly, but we all know what’s up.

No, I’m talking about the scene with the lady who turns into machines-

Yeah, her. I don’t need to tell you which of her scenes I’m talking about. That was so hot. Remember when-

What’s that? No, not the pinball machine multiball multi-orgasm bonus round. 

Stop jumping in! 

Although, I mean, come on-

That was intensely erotic. 

Like nobody can mention Wicked City without talking about how they want to stick their dick in the coin slot of a Cactus Canyon, or morph into Shaq Attaq for a good slide-railing. 

How he thrusted along with every paddle flip? The way she talked dirty, all painted up like a pinball backdrop? Look at the detail work! See that ‘POP’ to her right? More like “I’m gonna pop!” See the grizzled old man to her left wishing her “good luck on the mission”? 

More like “good fuck on the emission,” am I right? 

I’m not?

Shit, whatever. I wasn’t even talking about her getting pinballed but-

No, you’re right. It does go on for a long time. 

The movie demands we pay attention here, cutting away to several angles just to really explore every dimension of a demon lady pinball machine getting creampied. Her little pinball paddles flipping, her little pinball legs lifting in the air. 

It is a thorough scene. And I’m glad we talked about it but-

Okay, I get it. 

You really want to talk about this scene because it goes on for a crazy amount of time. Way longer than you would think, even when I said before that it went on for a long time. The movie really, deeply explores which bumpers exactly make her cum. I bet you could recreate this layout, hollow out a little space for a partner, strategically place a hole, map those cum-bumpers to like a series of strategically placed electrodes and-

Look, let’s get back on track.

We had to talk about it. It’s like three straight minutes of pinball fucking and it’s hard to just glaze over that. You were right to insist on exploring the whole thing before we get to the scene, but now we have to get to the scene.

You know it. Backwards and forwards. Inside and out. It’s our generation’s coming of age moment – the one that shaped our fetishes for decades and the reason all of us, every one of us here right now, are on the OTIS blacklist.

I’m talking about the elevator scene. 

I love how you think you know where it’s going — our business boys got on an elevator they weren’t prepared to fuck their way out of. Rookie move! 

Man, when we first realized the elevator was actually the shapeshifting machine girl’s vagina, and she said “welcome to my body?” 

Haha we had to use the stairs for weeks just to get anywhere without stained pants. 

Then they started firing their pistols into her fleshy elevator walls — the idiots! 

Everybody knows shooting an elevator only makes it cum.

There was this feeling in the air, the first time we watched this scene, that it was almost inevitable. The zeitgeist had been creeping ever closer to fuckable elevators for years — “Love In An Elevator?” That little slut who goes “every direction” at the end of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? The most iconic scene in The Shining — we know what that’s about now, right? Red Wings ain’t just a quality boot.

But we needed this one bold innovator to take us over the line. We knew what was coming next. We were ready!

We thought we were ready! What absolute chumps we were.

We were totally prepared for two salarimen to gunfuck their way out of a vaginal elevator. We weren’t prepared for the head demon to rip his way into the elevator, kick our business boys out, and say-

I remember every kid leaping to their feet in the theater, all shouting along with Machine Girl-

God, we thought we were about to watch a middle-aged man get crushed to death in the powerful vaginal walls of an elevator demon. 

And that’s not NOT erotic. 

But it wasn’t the scene we were hoping to see. The disappointment was palpable, and then he dropped the iconic line…

I have quoted that line to every lover I’ve taken since. 

We’d been dancing around the overt sexualization of this scene up until now — she never called the car her vagina. She never said those bullets were making her cum. The old man didn’t say “Go jerk it on the escalator, boys, it’s me who’s gonna fuck this elevator.”

We really thought they were going to play it classy, leave it up to our imaginations until he said-

What a bold proclamation!

That’s the elevator-fucking equivalent of Babe Ruth pointing to center field. You call that shot, you better back it up. 

AND THEN HE DOUBLES DOWN.

I remember being so confused here. 

You gotta think back: This was so early in the days of bangable machine women, we had no idea what the rules were. We kinda forget that this is where the lore was laid down — this was actually the first movie to establish that if you nail a shapeshifting techno-hussy hard enough she has to change into the machine you want. 

This is where that came from!

That next scene, though. The turn. Holy shit!

It was like being in a theater for the chestburster scene in Alien. You just had no context for what was about to happen. How it was going to shape pop culture from that point forward.

When we smash cut to an empty office building and-

VROOM! 

The king of the demons comes flying out of the elevator shaft, seat-fucking the holy shit out of a writhing motorcycle woman! 

I know everyone my age has this scene tattooed on the inside of their heart, but even the kids these days sort of know it. It’s just one of those things — like maybe you haven’t seen Raiders of the Lost Ark but you get the nazi-melting references other movies have made. Gen Z might not have watched Wicked City, but they know all about motorcycle-fucking from that joke in SpongeBob, or the “Ride That Bike” dance in Fortnite. The Dream wrote “Yamaha” all about this specific moment-

Where he just pins her throttle and zooms her around for a while. Her just screaming and cumming while he slaloms her between pillars until she loses control of her body and starts bucking and flipping all over the place-

So he gives one last real good thrust, which turns into a wheelie! 

To this day I am a little disappointed when I give a particularly good thrust and it doesn’t result in a wheelie. It just feels like the logical conclusion of a thrust now, doesn’t it?

Also what a gentleman, telling her she has “a good response.” 

This is where that line came from, kids! If your dad ever tells your mom she has good handling, and she coyly responds that it’s due to her rake and trail, this is what they’re talking about.

Like all great cinematic romances, this one ends in tragedy. They were enemies, remember? So even though they shared this intense connection, it can only end one way: With him ghostriding her off a skyscraper and her exploding before she even touches the ground.

I’ll never forget the way King Demon turns to the camera and grins.

And the way she screams about her machinery being broken — you know what she’s talking about. Quentin Tarantino wrote that famous monologue about this scene in Reservoir Dogs 2: Who Let The Dogs Out?

God, we went into this whole elevator thing thinking we knew anything. What we wanted from a sex scene, where we’d put it if it happened to us (Door Open), even who we were rooting for — we thought Elevator Girl was the villain! 

This movie changed things. For all of us. To this day I can’t trust a goatee and I get aroused at a failed kickstart. You know what I mean, you’re right there with me. 

Anyway, that scene. That’s the scene I wanted to talk about. I just wanted to ask – when he’s racing her around the pillars, you can see he’s floating gears and there’s an audible thunk on the last downshift. Do you think that’s like hitting the cervix?