Learning Day: Spirit Babies

Yes Hello i just had my mind real opened up by a new book and im pretty excited to tell you all about it and maybe you can join me in a new way of seein and understandin the world:

Yup if your like me the title alone is probly given you that kinda cascadin -whoa- feelin about the possibilities and implications of: its not just AFTER you die its ghosts?!

But hold yr horses a bit there we’ll build up our foundation of understandin stone by stone with the help of our master and teacher: Walter Makichen. He’s there in the middle i know you think he aughta be the RV buddha lookin one on the left but i guess a man can be spiritual in North Face too.

I couldnt find out that much about him other than hes departed this north american plane now and he’s probly stayin just-right warm in the hereafter what with that senseable fleece, but before that he was considered a ‘’singing bowl master’’ and was kind enough to make us a musical accooterment for this article:

So push play and then find a appropriate place for reading this one, idea lee on a earth-grounded cushion away from any electricle wires or transmissions, and if theres something purple near by you thats fine as long as you balance it out with somethin orange. Lets take a coorajus breath in and a cumpassion breath out and here is our first mantra Chant:

‘’E, AH, OH, E”

(takin from Walter’s Birth Shaman Meditation)

I conceive we are ready to continue.

So in the beginning Walt was a pretty normal catholic kid except for how he could always actually SEE the angels and spirits that everybody else just had their simple faith in. Like one time his bird was sick and saint francis came and healed it:

Which after something like that I’d maybe even dare to ask: ok if I call you Saint Frank?

Walt’s actual journey to become a medium claire voyant was not complete: he next had to pass through three gates of trial:

TRIBULATION THE FIRST: GATE OF PAIN

In which Walt’s kidney made some extra gravel but it would just not come out of his pee-hole until

His report sorta indicates he still was on the Demerol but that is pure co inky dink.

TRIBULATION THE SECOND: GATE OF KINDNESS

In which he was nice instead of mean to a ‘crazy’ street person

What the hologram tells him is: ‘dont go do your dissertation defense, be a psychic instead – here hold on a minute Jesus is right here, he wants to talk to you too and Jesus was like: Yep, psychic.’

TRIBULATION THE THIRD: GATE OF CRIME SOLVING

In which the same day as the hologram one of Walt’s students called him and said she was raped two days ago and she thinks Walt could help her heal but he does more than that

Thats a nice bonus, like if your cairopracter also could tell you PowerBall secrets except probly a lot differnt than that I am still learnin about how to balance humer and human suffering.

Walter is never wrong. I read this whole book of his many spiritual ad ventures and he was never once surprised or confused or had to revise any previous ideas or believins. And every predicktion he makes comes true every time and any new occurrents is just as he spected and he also has perfect recall of all the conversations and timelines of what happened. Lets take a moment of kindly condescention and pity for us what have to acknowledge our own limitations and foolness sometimes. We will extend this intention to the world with our soul chant:

“OH, NAH, MAY, AH, SAH, NAH, CHA, OH, NAY, AH.”

(takin from Walts Calling A Spirit Baby meditation)

Ok but maybe your sayin: yeah, lots of people have a claire voyent’s, how did Walt learn of his special callin to commune and connect specificly with the spirits of the nearly borned? Is it maybe about how couples what are strugglin to conceive is a special kind of desperation and their for sucseptable to anyone offerin a narrative that gives a sense of meanin, claritin an hope? And maybe just incidentally allows that helper to oggment his own income and ego? And maybe also gives that helper a way of coping with a great pain of their own?

Oh child of doubt! Let me place a healin thumb right there in your forehead pretty hard actually and push this truth nugget into your minds heart: Walt manifested his specialty callin when he was on one of his health and personal retreats

Where he stayed in a cabin and chanted and walked around without seein another person for days so you know what happened next is real:

Yes there was kinda a vortex of ghost babies swirlin around his cabana and then

He learnt that was because there was just always so much couplin happening there all the time!

(I gotta confess i can resonate pretty hard with the innkeeper there. I was at the Maverik the other mornin it was just me and the new guy Felipe he was refillin the reesees and we had said how ya doin there a few times but this time he got kinda serious an asked me: what would i say if someone told me they could see the future? and i made the dumb joke about how i’d want to know who wun the big game and he just looked real disappointed in me and i fear whatever wondruss door he was invitin me to step through is closed forever to me now)

On to Walter’s Ghost Baby Casefile #1 in which Gail and Ron been tryin and tryin but just cant get pregnant and Walt sees theyre spirit baby who tells him:

So this to me is a powerful story but i didnt really get how Gail and Ron just bein open to whatever happens wasnt right. So I did a meditation of disearnment on this one so i’d learn this lesson really good and it came to pass that I seen a kinda a pink purple space and its kinda quiet and peaceful but then here comes this rumblin and all a sudden its just a TORRENT of whitish shapes rushin at us and at first we’re scared but then we realize thats just Rons seamen rushin in to fill up Gail and we feel peace again. But just as the sperms are about to wrangle into Gails egg a Spiritual Cowboy appears and puts up a Matrix hand with a wise smile and all the seamen just stop dead and fall down. An then maybe he looks at us and says “A heifer will calve when shes willin”’ or somethin and tips his hat but that might be me gettin too fancyful.

You maybe saw that Walt mentioned the Cowboy had a yellow and green oval and thats called a aura and Walt is just seein them all the time. So i was a lil sad and ashamed i never seen any but then i found out you can get a camera app that lets you be perceptive like Walter. LaRene didnt seem very grateful that I was using it to see her aura and explainin to her how she felt and Trayton didnt have one but now i insight when Rabbit is at his calmest:

So all this to say that I dont know how anybody could feel right about preceedin with a birth plan that doesnt include a spirit baby whisperer on the team. Just think about how lost and bewilded this couple woulda been without Walt:

They would never a known that it was there mother in laws’ selfish refusal to die that was keepin em from gettin pregnant! And yep it was just like Walt profitized:

Many spirit babies arent getting birthed for the first time, no way, for a lot of em this is like there 8th life or something and Walt gets to talk to em about who they used to be. Its all so neat to me that the past life story is never just: they were boring and normal, its always like a cool setting

and a interesting story

It honestly really reminds me of things that people make up for books…

…and movies

Which isnt that reinsuring to know that our world isnt actually a confusing place with no gayrontee of justice or resolution? Walter shows us that we’re actually livin in a universe where it all makes sense and everything that happens has a appealin and satisfyin narrative arc.

See, you would be pretty silly to ever be sad or depressed about grief or loss because: if your brother died? Thats ok! you will get another chance to say everything you never did, an apologize for when you thought it was a light-hearted prank to pee on him from up in the treehouse but to him that was a bullying trauma.

Through sexual intercourse with your wife is how you can do that, I mean.

And also thats very nice that the mother doesn’t have to learn anythin about who the child will be or what they are interested in: we already met Uncle Dave an we know he’s a PBR Extra man! And hell you probly dont even need to wait until hes born to begin healing, you can probly start tossing the remote into his mom’s crotch when she aint ready just like you used to do to him.

So maybe you caught what i illuded to up there that reincarnationed spirit babies are only one of the varieties available. The other important one is ANGELS, which it took me little while to realize thats different from normal spirits.

I practiced a soft wise smile when i read that one because i understand it from how if i wanna have the car windows down, I have to keep between 45 and 52 mph or else it hurts my ears.

Here’s more about how the angel ones work:

Lets do a nother birth shaman visualization where we ‘magine we’re Sarah or Bruce, goin through one a the most painful things you might go through as a couple and as your just lookin everywhere and anywhere for a little bit of sollus or understanding you find yoursself in this mans office:

And he looks ready to run the grill for like a family picnic in march when the sun is out and its fifty degrees but maybe the wind dont make it feel like that and you find that uncle energy kinda comfortin hear in youre time of need and then he looks up like maybe someones gonna toss him a beer but that someone is a angel and that beer is a ghost baby from the afterlife.

So isnt that a warm comfort that for some angels it helps to do like a politician-at-a-tornado type site visit and thats what all those miscarriages were and they really preciate your understandin.

If you are wonderin about whether Walt can also wisely understand and explain everything about complicated adoption and abortion situations, yes that is easy for him but you might can tell I am already a lil tuckered out from tryin to talk about miscarriage in a comedy article in a cumpassionate and respectful fashion, and maybe see why i am leavin those other ones as a exercise for the reader.

Oh yeah i was wonderin about that too, what about talkin with your ghost baby DURING conception? Thanks for bringin that up. Well Walt’s a little skittish about the “physical mechanics” of sex thats why instead of sex he always says “physical mechanics”. But he does talk about it and i’m glad he clarified because i was askin myself: is a spirit baby, like, right there in the camper with you? maybe kinda shoutin encouragements or compliments? Or maybe helpin in a more hands on way, like that old lady in Midsommar?

No its not that way its this way:

Anyway next time your gettin intimant on the couch in between episodes of Magnum or maybe in the backseat of a honda CRV because bob seger came on and it just made you both recollect what you felt like in the acid wash days remember what your really doin is makin a big spirit bowl to put babies in.

So: Here is a final faith-promoting vingrette from Walter, I recommend track 9 “No Boundaries” from the spa CD while your readin this one. Start with the following mantra, speak it aloud in your silent heart:

“MAH MA SAY MA MAH SAH MA MA KOO SAH”

(takin from Walts A Father Can Be A Patient Labor Partner Meditation)

So if any of you what have kids or might do in the future get a moment of frustration when they left the car window rolled down and the cats got in but they keep sayin that wasnt me I was at school when you drove it last, just remember that you and your child once maybe died together defending against the war of northern agression. On state rights. To enslave people. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

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This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Eric Spaulding, who gets busy so often he has an army of ghost babies ready to attack his spiritual enemies at all times.