I think I can understand something of the ethos of our hero personal trainer based off of this. For example, the strong men of the carnival use their powers selfishly to con rubes rather than generously by teaching murderers how to grow chins through calisthenics and so they must be uprooted at every turn. Strong men of the snow (known by western orientalists as the ‘yeti’) are to be brought in by the virtuous so that they can be trained on how to couch gym agreement terms.
It’s like an NES Beat ‘Em Up fell through a time portal and someone had to quickly adapt the story to Back Of Cereal Box Comic while inebriated. And not, like, one of the good cereals, one of the protein flavored ones.
Sorry for aside.
If you ever bless us with a Jackie Chan week, please don’t forget to cover The Protector. Some notes in favor:
– Strong open with a traffic-light hacking scheme by the ne’er-do-wells of 1980’s Bronx NY. No explanation provided for why they are dressed like the post-apocalypse marauders from the set of Mad Max.
– Jackie Chan AKA Billy Wong AKA good guy cop with no time for crime, commits armed robbery as necessary
– Billy turns a boat into a torpedo by using it to blow up another boat. The smoke cloud billowing from the boat-pedo hangs briefly in front of the twin towers, begging the question: is Billy Wong a terrorist?
– The chief is up Billy’s ass because the commissioner is up his ass. It’s all a dick-to-ass centipede that’s a mile long you see, we’re all just cogs-I-mean-dicks in the machine. Later in the movie the bad guys try to bribe Billy Wong with money. As if money has any meaning in this economy! “It’s not your money I want, it’s your ass” Billy replies.
– Billy and pervy new white partner (old one got popped in the first 5 min) go to a fully furnished “massage parlor.” Fully furnished here means a tasteful MAHOGANY WOOD MILKING TABLE draped in pillows, with a rolling ottoman underneath to aid in the milking. Fraser Crane would have no problem coming here. By the way, this movie came out in 1982. Kids these days bragging about eating ass should take a look, this is how they liked to fuck 45 years ago.
– Naked models are packaging the drugs into melons. Extended scenes of ladies with lovely melons stuffing drugs into melons.
Jackie Chan week also wouldn’t be complete without Jackie Chan Adventures, the one celebrity adventure cartoon that somehow was actually good. (Not counting Mike Tyson Mysteries, because they’re in on the joke)
I feel a little bad for Jerry Siegel. You know he got a cease and desist letter from DC’s lawyers after the first issue warning that if he ever showed Mr. Muscles doing more than 81 knee bends, it might be an unbelievable “super” power that would put him in violation of the contract he once signed with them.
“He J-JUMPED! He’s streaking down toward MR. MUSCLES’ stomach!” is the kind of shit that drives me nuts about old comics. Like, if you can fit all those words into a single panel, and if you can draw a person falling in a single panel, then that means those two things take exactly the same amount of time.
And like you need to constantly narrate all the things that are happening in a visual medium.
With that pelvic strength and incredible one leg action I have deduced that Mr Muscles travelled to Italy to become Voldo in Soul Calibur
Blue Beetle should have tried flying past a crusade and disastering against crime.
So he’s Flex Mentallo minus anything remotely interesting or cool…
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9 replies on “Nerding Day: Mr. Muscles”
I think I can understand something of the ethos of our hero personal trainer based off of this. For example, the strong men of the carnival use their powers selfishly to con rubes rather than generously by teaching murderers how to grow chins through calisthenics and so they must be uprooted at every turn. Strong men of the snow (known by western orientalists as the ‘yeti’) are to be brought in by the virtuous so that they can be trained on how to couch gym agreement terms.
It’s like an NES Beat ‘Em Up fell through a time portal and someone had to quickly adapt the story to Back Of Cereal Box Comic while inebriated. And not, like, one of the good cereals, one of the protein flavored ones.
Sorry for aside.
If you ever bless us with a Jackie Chan week, please don’t forget to cover The Protector. Some notes in favor:
– Strong open with a traffic-light hacking scheme by the ne’er-do-wells of 1980’s Bronx NY. No explanation provided for why they are dressed like the post-apocalypse marauders from the set of Mad Max.
– Jackie Chan AKA Billy Wong AKA good guy cop with no time for crime, commits armed robbery as necessary
– Billy turns a boat into a torpedo by using it to blow up another boat. The smoke cloud billowing from the boat-pedo hangs briefly in front of the twin towers, begging the question: is Billy Wong a terrorist?
– The chief is up Billy’s ass because the commissioner is up his ass. It’s all a dick-to-ass centipede that’s a mile long you see, we’re all just cogs-I-mean-dicks in the machine. Later in the movie the bad guys try to bribe Billy Wong with money. As if money has any meaning in this economy! “It’s not your money I want, it’s your ass” Billy replies.
– Billy and pervy new white partner (old one got popped in the first 5 min) go to a fully furnished “massage parlor.” Fully furnished here means a tasteful MAHOGANY WOOD MILKING TABLE draped in pillows, with a rolling ottoman underneath to aid in the milking. Fraser Crane would have no problem coming here. By the way, this movie came out in 1982. Kids these days bragging about eating ass should take a look, this is how they liked to fuck 45 years ago.
– Naked models are packaging the drugs into melons. Extended scenes of ladies with lovely melons stuffing drugs into melons.
Jackie Chan week also wouldn’t be complete without Jackie Chan Adventures, the one celebrity adventure cartoon that somehow was actually good. (Not counting Mike Tyson Mysteries, because they’re in on the joke)
I feel a little bad for Jerry Siegel. You know he got a cease and desist letter from DC’s lawyers after the first issue warning that if he ever showed Mr. Muscles doing more than 81 knee bends, it might be an unbelievable “super” power that would put him in violation of the contract he once signed with them.
“He J-JUMPED! He’s streaking down toward MR. MUSCLES’ stomach!” is the kind of shit that drives me nuts about old comics. Like, if you can fit all those words into a single panel, and if you can draw a person falling in a single panel, then that means those two things take exactly the same amount of time.
And like you need to constantly narrate all the things that are happening in a visual medium.
With that pelvic strength and incredible one leg action I have deduced that Mr Muscles travelled to Italy to become Voldo in Soul Calibur
Blue Beetle should have tried flying past a crusade and disastering against crime.
So he’s Flex Mentallo minus anything remotely interesting or cool…
Got it.