Nerding Day: The Hawaiian Sweet Rolls Movie

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6 replies on “Nerding Day: The Hawaiian Sweet Rolls Movie”

This movie had a booth set up at SDCC a couple of years back – I remember it specifically because my sister and I were completely baffled as to how something that looked like it was made in a default animation program had enough money to buy a booth. I guess this explains it, but not why the booth ALSO lacked any mention of King’s Hawaiian.

Just a few quickly sifted for facts:
1) pineapples are not native to Hawaii and were rather introduced by Spanish colonisers in the 18C, so the evil spirit might not be that old. Their role in the subjugation of the Hawaiian people is fairly well known, so making the fruit’s personification be evil seems culturally accurate to this outsider.
2) Hawaiian sweet rolls were earlier called Portuguese sweet rolls (or just sweet rolls in Portugal) and are not native Hawaiian either.
3) King’s was founded by a Hawaiian (the son of immigrants from Okinawa) in Hawaii, but its headquarters are now in California.
4) The Menehune are a race of magical creatures of small stature. There is some evidence that they were a mythic description of an earlier pre-Hawaiian group of people who had crossed the Pacific and settled some or all of the islands before being displaced by the Hawaiians.
5) The ghost seem fine. Hawaiian stories describe spirits of ancestors protecting their descendants from beyond the grave.
6) Pele was a goddess and would wear neither bun nor lava like that. She would wear a comfortable and supportive bralette made out 100% ethically sourced lava-proof cotton. She would probably wear a bun beach cover though, with pockets made of lava (to keep her lava).

The spirit may be ancient. The Spaniards brought him to Hawai’i to banish him from their existing territory and as a threat to help subjugate the local people. Clearly, this calls for a prequel film detailing Pineapplehead’s terrorizing of the pre-Columbian Inca or Maya before being sealed away and taken by the conquistadors.

One of the best things about a regular comedy website gig is that the writers have to dig DEEP to find new things to write about. That brings us wonderful nuggets like this atrociously unasked-for starch/holiday crossover. Ah, the idea of making products the stars of movies, then hardly featuring the products. Genius! No wonder Martin Scorsese denounced side-dish movies for taking over the film industry.

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