Punching Day: Sissyneck’s Gladiators of Graceland 🌭

This time we’re talkin about friendships what transend your typical limitations like when a horse and a boy saves each others lifes from shipwrecks and snakes or when two men across a ocean who never even met fall in love so hard that they can read each others thoughts to save the world. In this case it might be a little more one-sided cause: while I came across a fella recently who’s whole thing just really resonated me in my bones real hard, its probly sadly unlikely that he’ll ever know of me and my fondness for him. But hell, maybe in addition to hopefully given us a bit of a smile in a dark night, this blog post maybe might be like a lonesome flare I shoot up in to the black sky that, who knows? Maybe he could see it and fire up one in respondence.

There he is. Mr. Wayne Carman his self. Grandmaster Carman came up in the Tennesee Karate Institute in the 70s and obviously he is highly skilled with the walkin cane but in interviews he says his primary weapon is “Noonchucks”. Which is one of those like “Neenja” where: yes, that’s probly technically the correcter way to pronounce it, but somehow worser if you got a country accent, so you can see how maybe already Im connectin with Wayne a bit. Wayne was so competence with the noonchaku that he got a gig in 1969 “teaching members of the Shelby County Sheriff’s Department along with the Memphis Police Department on how to defend themselves against this weapon” which I can only imagine how many brave LEOs would never have returned to there families without this valuable trainin.

Wayne is currently co-owner and instructor at TCB Martial Arts & Krav Maga over in Branson, MO. Now: I looked all over that website trying to figure out what TCB stands for but it doesent say anywhere! So my first hypothusis I thought maybe it was Town and Country…somethin. Cause of its location:

there on Town and Country drive in the Branson Meadows Mall (inside the Dance Branson Studios), but I kept looking and I decided I think its something else. Because of this:

So that of course is Elvis Presley doin a karate demonstration for what had to be some truly awestrucked mormons in Salt Lake City in 1971. Martial artistry wasnt a one night thing for the King, a course, there was a whole karate fight number that was cruelly and unexplicably cut from his ‘68 tv special:

Yes, Presley loved the martial arts very much, from what I can tell his relationship with the dream of kickin ass in a honorable fashion first started when he was Army deployed and then kinda took off when he met a hawaiian mormon dude named Ed Parker

…who taught him all about Ken Po. ‘Til they had their fallin out, that is. ‘parently Elvis showed up to what he thought was just a hangout with Ed but Ed had been like advertisin it as a event and sellin tickets and such and Elvis said: I will never be taken avantage of by a Parker ever again! and so he switched to another karate guy named Mike Stone:

who was so good Elvis said You should be be my wife’s Karate Teacher and accidentally started Danny McBrides career:

Course when it comes to Priscilla its important to remember that when she said “14” Elvis said “Nice” and her parents and everybody in Graceland said “Okay” and I know that aint fun to think about but that’s how it happened and it doesn’t do anybody any good to ignore it. Anyway back to excavatin joy here.

So yeah: somehow trustin in entertainer/grifter types who claimed to have special talents and knowledge wasnt goin so good for Elvis but then he joined up with a Korean fella named Kang Rhee who dident even steal his wife once

And here we start to close up our TCB circle of mystery: Elvis liked Takin Care of Business a whole bunch as just like a personal slogan and mantra and named lots of stuff that in his life, so why not put it on a patch for his karate uniforms? Here’s his original sketch for that patch:

Which honestly i feel like seein that taught me more about Elvis and maybe fame in general than any number of bio-pics and -graphies.

Our King also wrote a oath for it which…

…Amen.

But anyway, I been keepin my buddy Master Wayne waitin over here too long now, it’s time to get him back in this story and explain why I took such a likin to him. Here he is in his youth with Elvis by the way:

You can see him wearin the TCB patch there and includin it in his autograph, which: the fact that he is still makin a living off a Martial Arts Studio named that in 2025 in Branson MO I take as somethin of a statement on all of our’s relationship with Celebrity.

So how this happened was ‘portedly Elvis saw Bruce Lee use the noonchucks in a movie and said to his bodyguard and maybe best friend Red West:

He said: Red, Those nunnerchuckers are so deadly, You need to learn about em to protect me from Evil. An’ then I speculate that Red called up to ask the Memphis Police and they said: Absolutely we know a guy and then Wayne said Hell Yes and one thing piled up on a ‘nother and before you know it they was makin a documentary about Elvis and Tennesee Karate. They never got much further though than just filmin some rough shots of Elvis doin some destroy-yr-attackers demos and it just sat around for decades until somebody found the footage and said: Huh I could sell this except the sound is real bad we need somebody maybe to provide a ‘splanatory narration and guess who was there ready and willin with another Hell Yes.

Hi Wayne!

So yup, they made a dvd of it…

But its just pretty much 40 minutes of not very quality footage (includin just multiple angles of the same thing) but with very very quality narration from Grandmaster Carman. And if some might say maybe Wayne has more enthusiasm than expertise? Well hell thats kinda my whole thing too, and in this case Im extra grateful to him because, unlike other folks what write here I dont know shit about karate or wrestling (I dont even know how to escape outta a zip-tie sitiation), so: for someone like me? Its ‘specially refreshin to have a noble guide like Wayne who can not only explain what Im seein and tell me what is really good and skillful karate, but also do it in a special dialect an vocabalarry that is just a real nice fit for my ears and brain.

So: PLEASE WELCOME TO YOUR SCREEN!

(polite applause)

STRAIGHT OUTTA BRANSON!

(applause and plus whistles and whoos)

GRANDMASTER AND AUTHOR!

(now just some straight up screamin)

SOKE!

(audience roars)

WAYNE! CARMAN!

(white noise just overhwelms our senses did we just pass out for a second what is happenin)

Alright snap out of it, let’s get started now in the ancient and traditional manner: Larnyx push-ems.

See, I’m already learnin! You can say it both ways, Wayne ain’t particular and even Al Hokum aint no match for either of em:

A fun thing about this video is just about every 5th guy looks like a Ed Kemper cousin, but Holy lord Al Hokum is a extra-special and -large entry in the genre. Just look at that stack of sun-burnt, country-fried, gi-wrapped memphis man-flesh! Steve Perry never had a chance. Elvis though, he didn’t have a problem puttin Al down, let’s watch that Throat of A Rhino move again from another angle, since thats also what a lot of the DVD is:

Thats kinda the awed and worshipful tone Wayne takes throughout his whole narration. He says many times this was a “mountaintop experience”, one hes never been able to find or replicate in his life ever again, so we know hes fair and unbias in his evaluation of his student Elvis’s prow s and power.

Again: to my untrained eyes it looked like maybe somebody woke Elvis up too early from a drunk nap, but Wayne teaches that this appearance and demeener was a actually a environmental affect of the facilities, which he keeps sayin was “right across the street from the pharmistry.”

Wayne’s right it is hard for me to recognize em. Man, this does look fun as hell though, right? I mean obviously everyone here is super serious and disciplined about their craft, but if it was just buds that were playin at karate? Not even sparrin, just pretendin to be grave and slalom karate masters teachin their eager grasshoppers, doing goofy combos and then walkin away real serious and cool every time, I would love to be a part of that.

I guess except if one of the buds, maybe it was like his Treehouse you were in or he was real rich and popular, so he never wanted to be the ookie and you couldn’t say much about that and also he wasn’t real careful with your neck.

Or your nuts, then that wouldent be so cool. Oof, it’d be REALLY not fun if he was also your actual boss and like your whole livelihood and everything dependin on him stayin happy with you. Sheez, I feel like maybe thats how we get cybertrucks.

But that ain’t what this is, the TCB DoeJoe was about values and honor. In fact, Wayne explains that even though Elvis had a personal goal of gettin his 7th degree black belt, there wasnt the required higher black belt around to give it to him (even Kang Rhee was also just only a 7) so they didnt break the rule just because he was Elvis.

No what they did was they decided that a conclave of sacred karate brother-masters like themselves could give Kang his upgrade to 8, and then it would be okay and honest for Kang to promote Elvis up to 7. You can check the ancient texts, that is just how it works folks.

Oh damn, that one made my ol’ ACL twinge a bit, thanks Wayne for reassurin me that this is all perfectly controlled.

I know it’s scary, but you dont need to cover your eyes, Elvis was both eastern AND bible disciplined, that man’s penis was never in any danger.

But even the King of Pop still knew how to have a little fun at their his own expense you guys:

Haha this is one where how much it tickles Wayne is part of why how much it tickles me too, that is just a good one!

Alright well perhaps the Kneelin King is our signal that it might be time for our vespers as well. Its time to leave Wayne on his mountaintop. It was lovely to visit but we cant live hear forever like Wayne, so finish your hotdogs and wipe the ketchup of your mouths you dont want that on your sleeping bag, and maybe we can ask 1900HOTDOG patron powerthrills to get out theyre bugle and play a real pretty taps for us since they were one who brought this artifact to us, but we promise we will never ever ask them how they found it.

Wayne, you got any final thoughts for us here before we take turns responsibly peein’ on the fire to make sure its out all the way and I mean EVRYBODY who can muster a stream, this is a enclusive obligation

You bet he was. Thanks buddy Wayne for lettin us share this mountaintop here with you for a bit, we’re honnered to call you friend. In the name of jesus christ amen.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Neil Schafer, who is TCB 24/7 365 69. Hell yeah. Thankfully he only uses his Elvis Karate for justice. Lord help us all if he changes his mind.