Just like we do every year, 1-900-HOTDOG is taking the very best articles by the very best people and making them free. Just like every year, this is our holiday gift to you and the world. And just like every year, you and the world got us jack fucking shit. So make it up to us by spreading some of these free articles around, or sharing the entire free category of the site to your friends, family, and enemies you still kind of want to bang.
Lydia Bugg fills many blind spots in the Hot Dog purview. Without her we’d never know about the death mask of French Ronald McDonald, what a nasty little freak the Garfield restaurant guy turned out to be, or how to fuck a giant pitcher of Kool Aid. Sure, we could technically live without any of that knowledge. Sure, that knowledge actually makes living much harder. And sure, we’d do terrible things to erase it from our brains forever…
Here are the articles.
The Straight Girls Guide to Dating Women 🌭
A dating guide for lesbians, written by a straight woman on a lesbian safari. If you’re queer and don’t know it, discover such advanced lesbian sex tips as “wow” and “this is great!”
The Extended McDonaldland Universe 🌭
Find out what Ronald McDonald is like in other countries! Strangely fuckable, is the answer. Find out what the Hamburglar is like in other countries! Strangely fuckable, is the answer. Find out what Grimace is like in other countries! Strangely fuckable is somehow again the answer.
Nathen Mazri’s Political Career 🌭
Nathan Mazri bought the licensing rights to start a Garfield-themed restaurant. It ate his whole brain and the rest of his entire life. Garfield is hungry. Garfield has always been hungry.
Tottie: The Story Of A Dolls House 🌭
Tottie is the best haunted stop-motion dollhouse story ever told. You will come to love Tottie’s tragic eyes and decaying clowns. And then you will watch them burn.
Yes, the fuckable Kool-Aid Man is in this one. You’ve been waiting to find out which article the fuckable Kool-Aid Man is in since we mentioned him in the intro. Where’s the fuckable Kool-Aid Man? You kept asking. It’s finally here. It’s this one. But you’re not asking the real question: Where’s the fuckable drink pallet? Answer: Also here.
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