Today, the Dogg Zzone 9000 welcomes our old friend Daniel “Hot Dan the Mustard Man” O’Brien, the emmy-award winning writer from Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and co-host of Quick Question with Soren and Daniel. As a decorated comedy craftsman, we obviously chose to discuss something we all have in common– a lady self-defense manual from half a century ago.
You can hear Hot Dan the Mustard Man and Brockway’s karate growing stronger in real time as Seanbaby shares with them passages and moves from his favorite book of all time with no qualifications, Looking Forward to Being Attacked. It was written by a Memphis police lieutenant who decided the secret to stopping crime was to arm every American woman with a maniacal, almost sexual sadism. It worked! Crime is gone!
After you hear us discuss choke escapes and mugger outsmartings, you’ll be excited for your next attack! Desperate, hungry for it! But more importantly, you’ll become normalized to Daniel “DOB” O’Brien’s new nickname, Hot Dan the Mustard Man. He took to it like he and his new name were waiting for each other their entire lives.
If you’re already listening along, here is the advanced technique Sean references for escaping a double titty grab at the bus stop by a medium to untrained molester. As the author says, quote, “it should be a lot of fun.”
If you’re a Hot Dog Hero level member of our Patreon or higher, you can head to the Discord and listen to our bonus podcast where we and Daniel discuss Super Friends Episode 202-D, “The Antidote” featuring Apache Chief and Wonder Woman just getting the shit kicked out of them by a giant snake and two wild pigs. Oh, and Aquaman taught us how to make maracas out of paper plates and beans. It all sucked and we loved it.
Thanks for supporting our site and podcast, and if you want to help more, review and subscribe! Watch Hot Dan’s acclaimed HBO show and listen to his podcast! If you’re being attacked by your dentist, look at this! And remember to enjoy it!
And we’ve heard from many of you that you were tired of watching your tennis opponents die. Show them this and maybe you can shut the fuck up about it!
We leave you now with the final page of Looking Forward to Being Attacked in its entirety. Thanks for listening, Hulkahotdaniacs.
