Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Donāt worry, you donāt have to get anything for us. Weāve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. Thatās the gift you give to us. (Itās always a lie when somebody says you donāt have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)
The Confederate Alphabet
Dennardās articles operate at such a high and dense level of comedy, thereās always something we have to Google just to get a punchline he tosses off easily. He knows this, and thatās why he leaves traps like The Confederate Alphabet. If you Google anything in this article, you are automatically placed on a domestic terrorism list. But heās not getting us this time, weāre sidestepping this article about deeply racist revisionist history for children entirelyā¦
Jim Limber Davis, A Black Orphan in the Confederate White House
And landing straight in this one. God damn you, Dennard! You magnificent bastard!
The Book of Vile Darkness
Dungeons & Dragons once tried to go full edgelord, and Dennard was there to call them all nerds. Well, bigger nerds than usual.
The LXD
Quick, whatās the only thing that could have fixed The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? If you answered āsuperpowered breakdancing to the deathā you are having a medical emergency and you need to seek help. You are also correct, but thatās the least of your worries right now.
The Otaku Box
Dennard made the ultimate sacrifice and ordered the most cringeworthy loot box service on the internet. Then he went out into public and took pictures of himself opening it. Take note, Christian summer camps: Prayer doesnāt do shit, this is how you restore virginity.