Happy Podcasting Day! This week we welcome — you’ll never believe we got him! — Jason Pargin to the podcast! Author Jason Pargin. Novelist Jason Pargin. Book-doer Jason Pargin! Substackist Jason Pargin! He wrote the incredible Zoey Punches The Future in the Dick, as well as a bunch of other incredible books with almost as good titles. On today’s podcast, we’re discussing Bruce Willis, specifically modern-day Bruce Willis, specifically why you can pay modern-day Bruce Willis a million dollars a day and it’s not enough for him to give a shit. What is the give a shit price, Bruce? Is it two million a day? Four? Just do movies that pay that! We’re mostly talking about his laziest movie yet-
Remember to love us on everything, and tell your parents about it.
And for anyone who wants to sing along with Seanbaby’s heartfelt custom theme song, here are the heartfelt lyrics:
♪ Unbroken on trains, I was John McClane
of the men standing I was the last
Look Who’s Talking Too, Seagram’s Golden Wine cool
Korben Dallas Multipass
But what’s going on, with my choices since I
went to space to drill a rock
Remember Last Boyscout, and also Moonlighting
wait, also goddamn Hudson Hawk
fucking Hudson Hawk
Now I’m all out of death, I’m on siege hard kill you
I know target die, Cosmic Sin zombie threshold
I’m all out of death, fire breach horizon
co-starring Ja Rule, a dumb soup of action words
now I just show up, and sit on a chair
even when we film the fights
I look like a dick, what agent booked this shit
I could reboot Miami Vice
or say let’s do Die Hard, in Bora Bora
Or Wes Anderson’s MacBeth
I’m the biggest star, drive Steve McQueen’s car
now i’m some guy in Out of Death
it’s called Out of Death
I’m all out of death, I’m Kevin Sorbo saves Christmas
I’m darkstalker 4, I’m vampire speedboat
I’m all out of death, I’m a leprechaun prequel
I’m corporate retreat with special guest star me. ♪