Upsetting Day: Ambush Universe Reese’s Puffs

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3 replies on “Upsetting Day: Ambush Universe Reese’s Puffs”

Anyone who pays me $60 and a carton of eggs can get an exclusive Sean Attack egg, personalised with Travis Scott’s name (misspelled) and guaranteed to have been screamed at for at least an hour by your’s truly.

I will send the egg in the mail once I get the cash and carton. It will take awhile because I don’t have any stamps and am resentful of doing work for others. If egg comes broken (it will), contact me for an unreasonable and untrue explanation. There will be no refunds.

For real collectors of Sean experiences, $500 and a crate of eggs (plus transport and lodging costs) will get you an exclusive Sean Attack egg thrown at you when you least expect or want it. True luxury is the ineffable feeling of your wedding, job interview, or sexual conquest ruined by an unpleasant and bulky man limping into the setting to ineffectually throw an egg covered in unpleasant marker scrawling at you. Look at the puddle of egg mess covering your shoes and know you are one of the Elect.

There were people who were paid real American dollars to make, store, and market the Chrome Puff. Men in suits that cost more then my car paid for that while claiming that they earned their positions. I… I think I need to sit down.

I hope the Örb also falls down in price enough that you can convince at least one hot-dog-based website to buy it for you as a work expense

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