Whatās this? The opportunity of your afternoon. In monster-hunting tradition, weāre taking an undercooked graphic and working backwards. This isā¦errā¦
Sure, a template! Yes. And itās for a contest! A creative one. Weāre making, you knowā¦
Maybe later. The cryptid-seduction communityās pretty demanding. Anyone else?
Absolutely not! But we are making strong stuff. Stronger than any Devil Dog, or normal dog, or budget.
I donāt have a better idea! Welcome to the BIGFEETS Trap Contest. The internetās second anti-sasquatch competition. The first was a ploy by web-savvy cryptids. Weāre taking submissions at 1900hotdog@gmail.com, until October 24th.
Iām sure it is. Instead of going down that road, letās send our worst cryptid traps to 1900hotdog@gmail.com, by October 24th. If you remember the Custom Van Contest, you get the idea. Weāll feature our favorites on the site, and crown one proud entrant Earthās Worst Monster Hunter.
Ever caught a cryptid? We havenāt. The Mountain Monsters team definitely hasnāt. Letās keep that streak going. The BIGFEETS Trap Contest challenges every inch of wilderness knowledge. Each gram of paranormal expertise. The less, the better. Remember: if a child can escape it, Bigfoot canāt.
As BIGFEETS listeners or cryptid-worshiping traitors, you know how important non-traps are to defending cows. One working trap would kill Wild Bill. Heād be gone. Mountain Monsters is one mail-order bear trap from tragedy. If youāve seen an addict lose a leg, you know itās hard to get a Spelling Bee back on track.
That man needs your help. Simply fill the form above with an ACME Bigfoot trap. I suggest a visual in the Schematic area and text elsewhere, but Iām not your producer. Go where your muse takes you. Just donāt capture, kill, or photograph a real cryptid. That insults Mountain Monstersā soul.
Itās time to turn it all around. To finally win. To show the world just how little you know about traps. Come put your training in anything but engineering to work. Ideally, nothing. Mountain Monsters may star fake woodsmen hunting faker monsters, but it embraces real ignorance. (Note: Engineers are welcome to betray their craft. We might side-eye your extra syllables, but it wonāt impact judging.)
Send your Wumpus Traps to 1900hotdog@gmail.com, by October 24th. You might be the next Buck! The bandana is heavy, but your will is strong.
As a new podcastās first contest, there are countless frequently asked questions. Weāre happy to clear the air.
1900HOTDOGās podcast recapping Mountain Monsters, an inept monster-hunting show with more episodes than the nightly news. Hosts Robert Brockway, Seanbaby, and Jason Pargin attempt to decipher how it exists. And find answers! Stupid, embarrassing answers. Youāll love it.
Alongside improvised cryptid lore, Mountain Monsters features hillbillies imitating broad outsider stereotypes of hillbillies, an act of triple-theater no one is qualified for. Everyone looks like a retired Yosemite Sam, and acts like a prime Yosemite Sam. Meth cameos.
In the wreckage of this almost-show, BIGFEETS finds inept traps, lazy lore, improv comedy, inept traps, crippling addiction, confused extras, inept traps, and transcendent human beauty. Transcendent human beauty is hard to draw, so this contestās about traps.
Absolutely. BIGFEETS mocks and celebrates West Virginia monster hunters. Said hunters often present kindergarten-grade traps as foolproof. Youāre invited to send the worst trap you can think of, by editing the template above. Weāll showcase our favorites, and crown one winner.
Yup.
I canāt explain how far ahead that puts you.
Confident! I like it.
Nice. Back up all this big talk, and youāll be the Triple H of filling two-foot holes with water. You definitely wonāt catch any cryptids.
You can do better than this. Or rather, worse. But hereās an example of a low-level Bigfoot snare.
Darius has a lot to learn about nontraps. Someone should show him how itās done.
Intrigued? Of course you are. Submit your beautiful creations to 1900hotdog@gmail.com, by October 24th. And LISTEN to BIGFEETS. Zero cryptids, guaranteed.
One reply on āTrapping Day: The Bigfeets Design-A-Trap Contest šā
Taxes, benefit applications, Christmas presents, Iām always behind the ball. But this? Submitted WEEKS ahead of schedule.