Vanning Day: The 2023 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest Winners!

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5 replies on “Vanning Day: The 2023 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest Winners!”

For neither the first time nor the last, I have annoyed the other patrons of a Waffle House by yelling “what the FUCK, Corey Feldman?!”

I am extremely grateful for the recognition of my art (as Beato Puente), but feel that I should add the explanatory email I sent:

For your consideration:

I was driving around in my terrible van looking for something stupid to do and I drove through hell, meat and machine all getting twisted inside out and splintered into something worse than the both of us.

Sean Robinson
(Beato Puente on the Discord)

A quick note on the method of construction because it was really stupid and I am as proud as a puppy who has torn apart a room: so what I did was take little elements from pictures of the interiors of around 20 different terrible vans and manipulate and tile them in Paint 3d to make a mosaic of an inverted van. I did it in 3d so that I could layer individual elements and also adjust their perspective in 3d space and since there are several hundred elements, the 3d model render took like ten minutes to compile basically a flat plane some lunatic pierced and buried with incomprehensible images for unknowable reasons.

Also, because I was piloting the van during the infernal inversion, the windows are taken from a picture of Frank getting flayed in Hellraiser.

Reflecting on the fact that I spent the better part of a day on becoming one of the winners in the “Low Effort Vans” vans category, I truly know that this has been a life well spent. My ancestors would be proud.

Well, mostly they’d be confused, but they’d eventually claim to be proud in order to make me stop trying to explain things like “AI art” and “Vans” and “novelty hot-dog hotline themes comedy websites” to them.

If anyone wants to see the two other more effort-intensive versions of me spending more time making an AI do my homework than it would have taken to just do the thing myself (I submitted 3 entries)… drop me a message on Patreon, I guess? That’s a thing, right? I’ll probably notice you did that, maybe.

I’m sorry, but I cannot condone a Hardy Boy’s van. The Queen exists! Its a neighborhood staple!
The phrase “Chet’s jalopy” will NOT be erased by a damned VAN.
Now if those Hardys were also Gorillas then its an Elseworlds tale, and I’d be cool with that.
Do NOT retroactively attack those blue bound hardcover books that were like half of my childhood library.

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