12 replies on “Upsetting Day: Fourteen Things Witches Hope Parents Never Find Out”
But what about transformers? Are those robots in disguise transforming our kids to devil worshippers or not?!
Good point!
As Clerks 2 taught us, Transformers are a total slight against God.
They better be, we of the church of the unholy ones has invested so much money and blood sacrifice into it
One of my friends had a dvd of this lunatic going through all the pop culture garbage that he thinks is the devil. He had a special, deep hatred for Stevie Nicks, and while identifying the crystal ball on one of her albums, he lost his composure and screamed “STEVIE NICKS IS A HA-WITCH!”
It’s been a good while since I’ve seen The Little Mermaid, but I’m pretty sure Ariels’ deal with Ursula turned out to be a huge bust.
Maybe try actually watching the movie next time, David?
The word “cursed” gets thrown around the site a lot in reference to Seanbaby’s library. As the years go on I am starting to become genuinely worried that one night it will come to life like the stained glass window in Young Sherlock Holmes and try to kill him. I have the upmost faith he will Tony Jaa the shit out of those books, but I hope somebody records it.
How absolutely insane a book about witchcraft has to be when you skip a chapter about the dangers of the fucking smurfs for not being wild enough? I laughed to tears, thanks Seanbaby!
> Look at him claw for cleverness– “hard to rear a ‘Cleaver family’ in a ‘Bart Simpson society.’” That’s garbage. That’s a license plate holder for a Mormon whose top five hobbies are TV. That’s a cute mug for a nurse who kills her assisted living patients.
And it’s not even his line; he stole it from George HW Bush!
I’ve been forced to humor more right-wing Christian evangelists than I care to list, but none of them were close to this crazy and stupid.
For instance, one of them had a real hard-on for the part of the Gospel where Jesus tells His followers that they have been granted the authority to banish and exorcise demons in His name…
…and he would begin every sermon by banishing any and all evil spirits that may or may not be in the room (no, seriously).
Did Mr. Benoit miss this part of the Bible?
Or does he believe that demons and devils are ONE thing…
…but the Power of Christ is useless against He-Man?😂
I guess what I’m saying is this:
If all these things ARE minions of Lucifer, sack up and banish them yourself! Your OWN Bible says you can–stop being such a pussy and kick some Infernal ass!
Without a doubt, the most asked question I have is, “What about Barney?”
I don’t know why but this fucked me up.
Actually, if Benoit had anything resembling an imagination, he would realize that Barney could have been very useful to his cause:
Barney’s a dinosaur who is somehow alive in the late 20th century–millions years after those godless Darwinists claimed his kind had gone extinct.
He should have leaned into the idea that Barney’s very existence proved evolution wrong.
You say he wouldn’t do that because Barney’s fictional?
That didn’t stop him from asserting as fact the multiple and very real demonic powers of He-Man, the Smurfs, and Troll dolls.
It seems to be a common denominator amongst the Satanic Panic set:
EVERYTHING children enjoy is either 100% fictional, or life-threateningly real…depending on which suits the purposes of the lunatic spouting this absurdity.
Holy shit, I gasped at that Poxco ad, we had that action figure as kids, but I never watched He-Man so I had no idea who he was. Thank you for plugging that tiny hole of trivia in my childhood brainspace! I’ll say a prayer to David Benoit at my Troll themed ouija board later.
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12 replies on “Upsetting Day: Fourteen Things Witches Hope Parents Never Find Out”
But what about transformers? Are those robots in disguise transforming our kids to devil worshippers or not?!
Good point!
As Clerks 2 taught us, Transformers are a total slight against God.
They better be, we of the church of the unholy ones has invested so much money and blood sacrifice into it
One of my friends had a dvd of this lunatic going through all the pop culture garbage that he thinks is the devil. He had a special, deep hatred for Stevie Nicks, and while identifying the crystal ball on one of her albums, he lost his composure and screamed “STEVIE NICKS IS A HA-WITCH!”
It’s been a good while since I’ve seen The Little Mermaid, but I’m pretty sure Ariels’ deal with Ursula turned out to be a huge bust.
Maybe try actually watching the movie next time, David?
The word “cursed” gets thrown around the site a lot in reference to Seanbaby’s library. As the years go on I am starting to become genuinely worried that one night it will come to life like the stained glass window in Young Sherlock Holmes and try to kill him. I have the upmost faith he will Tony Jaa the shit out of those books, but I hope somebody records it.
How absolutely insane a book about witchcraft has to be when you skip a chapter about the dangers of the fucking smurfs for not being wild enough? I laughed to tears, thanks Seanbaby!
> Look at him claw for cleverness– “hard to rear a ‘Cleaver family’ in a ‘Bart Simpson society.’” That’s garbage. That’s a license plate holder for a Mormon whose top five hobbies are TV. That’s a cute mug for a nurse who kills her assisted living patients.
And it’s not even his line; he stole it from George HW Bush!
I’ve been forced to humor more right-wing Christian evangelists than I care to list, but none of them were close to this crazy and stupid.
For instance, one of them had a real hard-on for the part of the Gospel where Jesus tells His followers that they have been granted the authority to banish and exorcise demons in His name…
…and he would begin every sermon by banishing any and all evil spirits that may or may not be in the room (no, seriously).
Did Mr. Benoit miss this part of the Bible?
Or does he believe that demons and devils are ONE thing…
…but the Power of Christ is useless against He-Man?😂
I guess what I’m saying is this:
If all these things ARE minions of Lucifer, sack up and banish them yourself! Your OWN Bible says you can–stop being such a pussy and kick some Infernal ass!
Without a doubt, the most asked question I have is, “What about Barney?”
I don’t know why but this fucked me up.
Actually, if Benoit had anything resembling an imagination, he would realize that Barney could have been very useful to his cause:
Barney’s a dinosaur who is somehow alive in the late 20th century–millions years after those godless Darwinists claimed his kind had gone extinct.
He should have leaned into the idea that Barney’s very existence proved evolution wrong.
You say he wouldn’t do that because Barney’s fictional?
That didn’t stop him from asserting as fact the multiple and very real demonic powers of He-Man, the Smurfs, and Troll dolls.
It seems to be a common denominator amongst the Satanic Panic set:
EVERYTHING children enjoy is either 100% fictional, or life-threateningly real…depending on which suits the purposes of the lunatic spouting this absurdity.
Holy shit, I gasped at that Poxco ad, we had that action figure as kids, but I never watched He-Man so I had no idea who he was. Thank you for plugging that tiny hole of trivia in my childhood brainspace! I’ll say a prayer to David Benoit at my Troll themed ouija board later.