Author: Merritt K
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Quick: name the person you’d most like to see write a near-future sci-fi roleplaying game about a second Civil War sparked by a bloody conflict over reproductive rights.
Everyone said Chris Field, the guy who wrote the hentai RPG where you shit yourself to get plus five to AC, right? Good. Awesome. Let’s talk about Otherverse America.
Where were you when the historic “Ogalada [sic] Souix [sic]” abortion clinic was wiped off the map by a post-human terrorist codenamed Life Tank? Were you in a Malibu comic from 1993? It doesn’t matter. Otherverse America doesn’t actually take place during the Second American Civil War. That would be too easy. No, it’s set decades after the Treaty of Boston ended it. Who won? Well, which side had access to gay pagan wizards and metahuman technology?
Those poor, non-rainbow magic-having pro-life idiots didn’t stand a chance. And if you were expecting a gritty, down-to-earth depiction of a nation torn asunder by religious conflict, well, yes, Otherverse America is kind of that, just like Black Tokyo was kind of about the horrors of demonic sexual violence. But maybe it’s also about cartoon superheroes and gene mods and technowarriors? It’s hard to tell. Otherverse America has no table of contents, and I would describe its formatting and organizational choices as: not applicable.
Stats bleed into fictional history, tables and sidebars pop up out of nowhere, and early 3D imagery sits alongside crude hand-drawn depictions of transhuman anti-abortion cyberdocs sitting coquettishly in front of actual prenatal ultrasounds.
It’s a lot. And keep in mind Chris Field wrote this well before the advent of generative AI. If nothing else, he’s dedicated. Not dedicated enough to arrange a book in any kind of useful way, maybe, but dedicated enough to come up with all kinds of genetic modifications that the theoretical players of a game set in this world can select, which, I think you’ll agree, are all totally normal.
Ok, fine. That’s something that people probably would do if it were possible! At times like this, you can tell that Chris is trying to take his setting seriously. He’s following his premise to its natural conclusion and arriving at the kind of social commentary which would be at home in any number of dystopian YA books from the early 2010s. And then there’s stuff that, well, isn’t.
“It’s part of the setting!” Chris screams. “Everyone puts titty milk in their cereal in the future because there’s no factory farming anymore! Luxury milk! From the human cow!” Sure, Chris. Now, which collapsed institution of industrial civilization explains this one?
See, uh, grocery stores don’t exist in the 22nd century, so people have to grow their own clits.
God, there are so many of these — gene mods, I mean, not clits — and while a few of them are useful for battle and adventure, a lot of them are about sex. The generous angle here would be that it’s realistic that people would use genetic engineering for getting freaky and that including more than just combat abilities makes for a more well-rounded roleplaying experience. Counterpoint: the guy who wrote this also invented a dragon who breathes aerosolized semen. Keep that in mind as you’re trying to decide whether “Hivelove” is a flavorful, interesting sci-fi premise or the feverish invention of a brain that is 99% loose jizz sloshing around in a human skull.
This could be the whole article. We could just talk about the gene mods and cyber-implants that give women prostates so they can enjoy anal sex more, that make everyone squirt, that let you lay eggs instead of carrying a baby to term. There’s one called “Moe Facesculpt!” That’s “moe” as in “anime child,” not The Simpsons or The Three Stooges, for anyone who is normal.
There are some neat ideas here, like hackers and criminals inventing ways to fuck with genetically modified people, but again, this is Chris A. Field we’re talking about. You know it’s not going to stop with gene-hacking politicians to give them heart attacks.
In the grim darkness of the future, there are only cum-spewing cyberdragons. How did we get here?
Long story short, gay rights groups, pro-choice organizations, and AIDS activists joined forces to form the Covenant of the Goddess Universal. They were all early adopters of gene mods that gave women more control over reproduction and allowed gay couples to have kids without needing a third person in the mix. STDs were eliminated and everyone lived in a cum-soaked paradise, but Evangelicals weren’t happy about it, so they started doing (more) domestic terrorism. In response, the Covenant created a gay pagan strike force codenamed RAINBOW Liberty. And then aliens showed up? Maybe? They’re called the Lifechain, and I think they’re explained in another book. There are Half Grey people and that’s why some people have superpowers? I don’t fucking know, man.
Anyway, if you read my article on Black Tokyo you might remember that Chris has other distinctive qualities besides crippling horniness and a complete inability to organize his thoughts. He also fucking loves peppering his work with unrelated quotes in an effort to add an air of sophistication, or perhaps a humorous juxtaposition.
So here he is using a quote from The Devil Wears Prada to introduce the liberal microstate, which I’d assumed was fully half of the US but in fact is a loose assortment of neighborhoods strung throughout the country that are constantly fucking and wield advanced cybermagic. Or maybe there are full-on Choicer cities and states? Chris says they have a constitutional monarchy, but it also seems like he’s describing a world where the Choicer and Lifer nations exist within the greater United States.
To me, this implies that in addition to the many-clitted egg-laying technowitches of the Choicer nation and the cyborg death commandos of the Lifer state, there are also just normal Americans walking around. And honestly? I kind of like that. It reminds me of Omegaverse fanfiction where the vast majority of the population is just the normal human Betas who are trying to maintain civilization while Alphas and Omegas are trying to fuck it apart all the time. So here’s a high-level look at the Choicer society.
Wow, that seems pretty gr— ah. Hm. Thirteen to fifteen, huh? You’re going to see more and more of this, but Chris definitely paints the Choicers as the “good guys” in this brave new world. So maybe he’s just trying to paint them as a culture that goes too far in its pursuit of sexual freedoms? Or maybe it’s insane to give the benefit of the doubt to a guy who, just a few pages earlier, was jacking off to the idea of drinking titty milk.
We get a lot of details about the Choicer nation and its organization, and Chris points out that they’re just as religious as the Lifers. It’s a matrilineal theocracy run by the Neo-Witch Church that rules from an artificial island in the San Francisco Bay sometimes called Aradia and sometimes called Araida and which is protected by force fields and lasers. Even when he’s not explicitly writing anime bullshit, Chris is writing anime bullshit and — lest we forget — drawing it.
One detail here might surprise you: gay people have “fallen out of fashion” in the liberal utopia of the future. Most people have bisexuality genetically programmed by their parents at birth, but there’s a faction of young people who rebel against their omnisexual society by being full-on gay or hetero. Good for them. But beware, rebel gays and straights, of the Apollo Psi-Field!
These things just look like stereo equipment and are commercially available at Sacred Feminine Radio Shack, so in this world you could go over to a neighbor’s housewarming party without knowing they’ve got the Field That Makes You Bi set up. And speaking of stupid names for things, this:
Improbably, Lady Sylvia Moondark is not the dumbest name for a character in Otherverse America. That honor goes to LORD CHARLES STARSPIRAL, whose name is so fucking idiotic that it causes a buffer overflow and wraps around to being sick as hell.
Chris opens the next section on Choicer celebrities and sports with a quote from I Love Bees, a sequence of words that means nothing to anybody under 35 years old. He says that Choicer culture is basically the dominant culture on the planet, and even in Lifer territories they bootleg Choicer “mesh dramas” and sneak into Choicer neighborhoods to watch light, fairly frivolous adventures as well as distorted, highly fictionalized accounts of Phallus Space.
That’s basically the only mention of “Phallus Space” in the book, by the way. Sloppy writing? Perhaps. Or maybe it’s keen worldbuilding, the type that raises questions in the reader rather than rushing to fill out every blank space on the map. What could Phallus Space possibly be? What could the movies be getting wrong about it? Are there people who have been to Phallus Space, if it is indeed a physical location in the cosmos, who are furious about future gay witch Hollywood’s misrepresentation of it? Chris has prompted us to wonder about so much with this throwaway sentence. And isn’t that the mark of a true shaper of the fantastic? I wonder how Chris is going to characterize the defeated Lifer pseudo-nation.
Sure, they’re a military dictatorship whose citizens are undereducated, poor felons, but you do have to hand it to them in one particular respect: they don’t fuck kids. There’s a whole section on pedophilia and age of consent laws, and Chris treats this subject with all of the care it demands: by putting it next to a picture of Catholic battle cyborg.
I got distracted by the dope robot for a second, but uh oh! I’m breaking the glass labeled “in case of Chris A. Field talking about child pornography.” What’s inside? Why, it’s something called “catminding!” This should be fun.
Oh. It’s not fun. I’m breaking the second, different glass labeled “Chris A. Field is still, improbably, talking about childlike sex slaves.” And good news! It’s not a sex thing this time.
It’s a guy I can only describe as fanart of a non-existent Deus Ex mod where everyone only ever talks about stopping abortions in the same way that everyone in Pokémon games only ever talks about Pokémon.
Pages and pages of text tell us that the Lifers are bitter, ugly morons whose love of graphic depictions of mutilated fetuses is only equaled by their adoration of SMG-wielding, heavily-pregnant paramilitaries.
This stuff overshoots satire and — I can’t believe I’m saying this — ends up actually feeling kind of mean-spirited. Like, we know that the right-wing Evangelical movement is essentially evil. But Chris has created less of a plausible-sounding world where embattled bigots fester in hatred of their genetically superior lib conquerors than a version of Captain Planet where instead of polluting for no real reason, the bad guys are barely-literate jazz-loving necrophiliacs.
Sorry, I’m just re-reading that and it looks like I wrote “jazz-loving necrophiliacs.” That can’t be right.
Hey, wasn’t this supposed to be a roleplaying game? We haven’t had any stats or powers in a while. The Choicers got all kinds of cool gene mods. What advantages might a Lifer character have? How about being someone who almost got aborted, but then wasn’t?
I want you to do something for me. Guess what kind of powers being a “survivor of abortion” might give your RPG character. Some kind of healing factor? Perhaps the ability to manipulate fate? Really mull it over, then come back and see how wrong you were.
You get better at arguing that people shouldn’t do abortions. And if you make a successful Bluff against someone who is pro-choice, you get an action point which you could spend, just theoretically, on using your cum breath attack once. Remember to do it after you recover from the emotional exhaustion of trauma dumping, but before you go to bed, otherwise you’re leaving cum on the proverbial table.
We are now barely 100 pages into Otherverse America. This is a 320 page book. God help us all.
This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: David Shull, who is a full force advocate of titty milk in your cereal. The future is now!
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Fucking Day: Pussy Juice Lube
The evolution of online culture has achieved a rapidity we never could have imagined in the 2000s. Back then, we had to subsist on what we called “internet fads” for months or even years. We supped upon a thin gruel of Hampsterdances, All Your Bases, and Hello My Future Girlfriends. Mr. T Ate Our Balls! He ate our balls, damn it.
Even on the recently-compromised then more-recently restored 4chan, memes had a relatively long shelf life. In those days, “meme” was a little-known word that actually referred to a repeated and gradually transmuted image or phrase. Later, it became shorthand for “image macro.” Today, it basically just means any kind of joke you see online.
The average internet user in 2025 sees more “memes” in a single hour of browsing their timeline than a child in 2005 would have seen in an entire year. Inevitably, these trends tend to peak then recede from the public consciousness. Like, remember the Twitter craze of posting a grid of characters or real people with dollar amounts attached and asking your followers to build a team from them with a certain budget?
Well, some people never forgot it. And, it should go without saying, they incorporated it into an incredibly baroque system of masturbation.
I don’t remember how I stumbled across r/celebeconomy. I told Sean and Robert that I wanted to write about it on March 2nd, and they approved the pitch, though Robert noted that while it would make a good article, it would also make him sad. When the time came to actually write this piece and I braced myself to delve into the subreddit to gather material, I was confronted with an unexpected setback.
r/CelebEconomy, like r/RedScareForCisHetMen before it, had been struck down by Reddit, leaving its 81,000 members without a place to call home. I was crestfallen and confused. Do we truly live in a world in which men cannot publicly gamify the fictional purchase of famous women for the purpose of sex? It’s political correctness gone mad! And more importantly, it’s getting in the way of me generating content. But fear not — though the subreddit is gone, its legacy lives on. Specifically, it lives on on weird off-brand porn sites focused on still images that presumably exist to serve lonely Arctic researchers who have to make do with fifteen minutes of internet access a day on a Starlink connection.
I had to see an animated pop-up of Dale and Peggy from King of the Hill fucking for this. The things I do for you. It doesn’t even make sense! Dale is a happily married cuckold! Bill’s the one who’s obsessed with Peggy! Sorry, I’m stalling. But I think it’ll become clear pretty quickly why that is. Let’s try and start with something relatively tame.
Simple. It’s a grid of well-known, attractive, mainly-white women, each assigned a dollar value, with serviceable graphic design. By the time you’ve finished reading this article, this will seem quaint to you. Why would anyone participate in this kind of thing on a public forum? I suppose it’s a slightly more evolved form of the old “who would you rather bang” question with some light gamification. A kind of rules-light RPG that provides a scaffolding for storytelling versus a free-for-all jackoff improv.
I’m a little confused by the “negative $1 discount” for wifing, though. Does the double negative signify an increase in price, which would be expected given the value proposition of sharing your life with one of these women rather than a single night of passion? Or are we meant to take it as a true discount, given that whomever made this almost certainly hates women and for whom the prospect of being married to one, even an accomplished and/or famously beautiful one, rather than pumping and dumping her is a kind of hardship for which he theoretically deserves recompense? I’m stalling again, because things are about to get worse.
Ok, kind of a jump in mechanical complexity here. This time we’re running through a list of famous attractive women and assigning them various “materials.” Would it be churlish of me to point out that “bikini” and “shiny dress” aren’t materials, exactly? I suppose “nude” is, technically, if you consider it to mean “flesh.” But hey, we’re not talking about cutting a woman’s face off to create a terrifying death mask.
Oh. Oh no. This isn’t great, and it’s actually worse than it seems at first glance because we’re not just picking one, as the instructions suggest. We have a budget. We’re shopping for lady faces and we’re going to stitch them together into something new and terrible. We are the villain in a Thomas Harris novel. Can we get a silly one?
Baldur’s Gape. No notes. Of course Shadowheart, the stern goth mommy with a secret heart of gold is valued most highly here, since she was built in a lab to appeal to shut-in gamers. Speaking of gamers, maybe you want something a little more intellectual?
Jesus Christ. This looks like the puzzle on the back of a box of Weinstein-O’s. But we can get more complex.
Here we fucking go. We’re practically into complex European board game territory now. Anyone who seriously engaged with this graphic has gone beyond horny and has discovered something else. And you know what? I think we might have fucked up by making hardcore pornography so freely available. A culture without 24/7 access to the most extreme kinds of filth imaginable doesn’t produce images like this. We’re looking at the work of a mind so inured to an endless stream of genitals in various configurations that it had to invent a means of making it more difficult to jack off. But hey, I just noticed there’s a transgender woman and a model with vitiligo on there. Welcome to the #resistance, horny guy who made this image.
Next up is Tour de Fuck. Tour de Fuck, everybody! It’s a cutely-themed French choose-your-own-fuckventure! I regret to inform you that they’ve actually all been relatively cute up until now compared to what’s coming. Aside from the face one, I mean. Let’s get nasty.
Now we’re talking. The player of this game is invited to imagine himself engaging in specific sex acts with each of his choices. This is a game of strategy and also imagined insemination, much like Warhammer if you’re playing the forces of the Chaos God Slaanesh. Sidebar: the phrase “slow and passionate deepthroat” is an instant tipoff that you’re in the presence of a serial killer. Distract him with sexual grid puzzles and effect a hasty retreat from the situation.
I shouldn’t have mentioned Chaos earlier. Now we must walk its Path, which happens to be lined with an unexpected number of Korean pop stars. Do you think this guy maybe has a certain type? And additionally has psychosexually imprinted on Amy Adams? I had to cut this one off since it went on for like a dozen rows, but spoiler: yes, and yes. Speaking of overlong images…
This one is called “The Last Men Alive,” and it bills itself as not just a game, but a story. Let’s dive in.
Incredible. We’ve got amnesia, we’re making choices, and there are stats involved. This is practically a Bioware game already. I’m going to roll with Miranda Cosgrove, since I think the Sociability skill is low-key underrated in a post-apocalyptic scenario, which this is, I think?
Right, right, the Devastation. Promising breeders. Underground bunkers. “DSL.” Cute. It’s a Sex University where the administration disappears you if your evaluations fall off. So basically regular university, if you’re an adjunct.
Things kind of go on like this for a while. I picked Camila Mendes as my Assistant for another +1 to Sociability and someone named Victoria Justice as my Planner for +1 Duty. My enforcer is Chloe Moretz, just because that’s a really funny image to me. She gives me another +1 Sociability. But things get interesting when we get to “Housekeeper” (sexual).
We’ve got unlocks now? Of course I’m going with Fouz Al Fahad. Let’s scroll down to the list of perks and see what that gets us.
Haha wait, what’s that last one? Haha. Wow, ok, I think I’m good on pursuing this any further! Let’s just move on to the scoring.
My Sociability is 5. My Duty is 1. My Libido is 0. That means we have failed! I guess the UN is going to kill us. The guy screaming incoherently on the corner downtown tried to warn me!
Wait, what? Yes, for the crime of not taking this very seriously, we are now forced to imagine ourselves being sexually dominated by Alison Brie, Jessica Chastain, or another woman who appears on all of these that I haven’t heard of before.
What a journey that was! And it’s not the only one like this, either. Before r/celebeconomy went down, you could have spent all of your time just running through these things. It’s like browsing un-playtested solo tabletop RPGs on itch.io, only with more tits. About the same amount of depression, though. Here’s a bit from another one where you’re a king assembling a royal court.
Hey, Susan Sarandon! That’s nice. Having a woman over fifty in one of these fantasy fuck leagues is the social justice equivalent of America electing a gay President. I think it’s kind of fucked up that if you pick Christina Hendricks you steal her nipples from your children, though.
Of course, it wouldn’t be an article about a weird subset of the porno enthusiast community without an incredibly specific premise. Go on, guess what it could be. Staffing a sexual daycare for adult babies? Castle of female Draculas? TikTok house passing around a pizza boy? It’s none of those, and I’m furious that someone who isn’t me is going to make millions off of Reverse Gangbang TikTok House.
Years ago, I did some phone sex work. It wasn’t for long, but it was enough that very little surprises me anymore, carnally speaking. Most people’s fantasies, even the ones they think of as uniquely despicable or strange, are actually very common. I only ever came across one desire that was actually novel: a guy that wanted someone to pretend to be his mother, who was also his martial arts sensei, and karate chop him to completion. The image I’m about to show you is, I think, actually more out there than that.
I have to say, as large as the AT&T girl’s breasts are, I do not think that paying her $4 million dollars to play professional basketball would be a wise investment. And did you catch the stuff about mouths and ball-handling? It’s pretty subtle, so I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. Just in case it went over your head, the creator provided a helpful little key at the bottom of the graphic.
Now, there’s an obvious question here that I’ve been eliding up until this point. If you take celebeconomy posts seriously as a sort of game design — and the over 80,000 members of the subreddit certainly did — then how do you determine a celeb’s relative value in a given game?
Does it just come down to personal preference on the part of the creator? A gut feeling? My, my, how naïve. No, like the mainstream video game industry, it’s all about data. Activision and EA are constantly gathering metrics to determine how often to dole out loot boxes for maximum engagement in Call of Duty: Black Ops 6: 2, and likewise the denizens of r/celebeconomy compiled vast quantities of survey information to help would-be designers craft well-tuned fuckmatrices.
And boy, do they get granular.
I had some trouble accessing these sheets — I had to pull the links from an archived version of the subreddit, and I think the Google account they were associated with might have gone down with the ship. Eventually, Google Sheets just started yelling at me in Swedish while refusing to do what I asked, which I think costs $5 from Alicia Vikander and grants a +1 to your Meatballs stat. Get it? Meatballs? It’s like testicles. Because of sex.
When I dove into the archives to find these charts, I also took a look at the subreddit rules and guidelines. They are extensive, containing documentation helpful to anyone trying to start a career in whatever this is.
There’s bidding on some of these? I joked about European board games earlier but we’re essentially dealing with a Reiner Knizia once we’ve added auctions into the mix.
Twine! Old friend, is that you? I published a book on Twine a decade ago. To see it recommended as a tool for crafting Sophie’s Choice-style dilemmas over which Instagram model you’d rather have join your starship crew as Chief Cockwarming Officer raises some complicated feelings. It’s got me in a contemplative mood, thinking about what all of this has meant.
What have we learned today? We’ve learned that fantasy fuckball no longer has a place on woke Reddit. We’ve learned that men will go to extraordinary lengths to create barriers between themselves and jacking off with the goal of getting more out of the experience rather than just cooling it for a while and going to the gym or something. But most of all, we’ve learned that selecting Fan Bingbing — star of the live-action Mulan remake — as the sexual negotiator for your harem not only grants you a +1 to Sociability, but also unlocks the Tax Evasion ability.
This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Good Satan and His Hot Witches, red pill stockbrokers of the fleshnet who see past charisma stats into pure harem optimization theory.