OH SHIT NEW PRODUCT ALERT, WE’VE DONE IT AGAIN!
That’s right, once again we’ve invented a completely new type of product. Remember when we introduced “posters” as shirts for your walls? You all loved it! You wrote me letters sent to my personal address which, while terrifying, were very supportive. The Hot Dog Laboratory (a thing we’ve totally always had and not something I made up two-hundred and eleven energy drinks deep into my 59th hour awake) does not rest on its laurels. We set our laurels free and now I’m here to introduce the next big thing in podcast merch. Or should I say small thing! Ok, that’s enough vamping, I think the boys have finished up. Check it out.
Hell yeah! Postcards, baby! They are like posters for your pockets. If you haven’t noticed, our monthly podcast roundups have recently been illustrated by a sentient vole we found in the woods. We can’t stop it, a mistake I can’t afford to repeat nine more times, so we have decided to embrace it. Here are a few of our many available cards:
This is one the vole created for Dogg Zzone 9000 – Episode 241, Zorran: Star Warrior with Lydia Bugg. Somehow the little guy was able to perfectly replicate Seanbaby’s giant floating head. Uncanny!
And this was in a stack of photos of me sleeping that the vole delivered to a coffee shop I frequent. Don’t know how or why, but it perfectly captured Dogg Zzone 9000 – Episode 244, Rubik the Amazing Cube with Hana Michels in a weird late 90s/early 00s indie zine tv show kind of way.
It’s not just Dogg Zzone 9000 that gets the little painter treatment either, his version of BIGFEETS Episode 50 – The Three Rings shows a haunting scene of despair and loneliness that would work great as a postcard for any holiday or celebration.
And here is one for BIGFEETS Episode 46 – The Rogue Team Rises PT. 2, one of the first ones the vole ever left for us in fact. I think that skeleton mask is from that one video game, the one with the dancing robot? Why is everyone so buff? Is that what humans look like to voles? What the hell is a vole anyway?
No matter, there are a whole bunch of postcards available, and if those little footsteps I hear are any indication, we will likely have some more real soon.
And for no reason I’m going to walk into the vault. I’m not scared or anything. You should probably step in here too though. Again, no reason to fear for your safety.
OH NO I WAS WRONG, IT IS TIME TO FEAR FOR YOUR SAFETY BECAUSE THIS WEEK IT IS KUMITE THE HOME GAME!
The game may die, the shirt never will. While you are wearing the shirt you are still able to die though. The lawyers want me to be very clear on that. This week in the vault we have the exclusive Kumite the Home Game the Shirt available in various sizes and colors. Perhaps the only thing that can protect you from a strange vole that has a taste for human flesh. Perhaps not. Only one way to find out though! Buy it and never be scared of small rodents again!