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FUCKING DAY

Fucking Day: Hololive

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20 replies on “Fucking Day: Hololive”

I’ve been an active member of the furry community for 14 years. I’ve been a cyberpunk for longer. It’s safe to say I have an unhealthy detachment from reality. I’ve… seen things you people wouldn’t believe. And yet, VTubers have always felt leagues beyond anything I was comfortable with, and I never knew why. But thanks to your journalism Mr. Brockway, I finally know why my instincts were telling me this was awful.

There’s a concept in Cyberpunk stories called “Bunraku”, invented in William Gibson’s Neuromancer and named after a Japanese puppet theatre. It involves a brothel called a “Puppet Parlor” where girls are cybernetically fitted with an implant that bypasses their control of their bodies, and allows AI personality chips to be inserted that override their thoughts and actions. A John can come into a Parlor, ask that a girl be dressed up as Misty from Pokemon, and then plug in a personality chip that makes her act and think 100% that she is that character from a children’s cartoon.

Now, like I said, I’m a veteran CyberFurry, I’ve burned out so many of my neurons that I find Bunraku sort of erotic in a taboo way, like my forefathers who jerked off to scenes from slasher movies. But Hololive crosses the line by adding a corporate assembly line to the process, and the inevitable sleazy managers and handlers that real Idols deal with. Not even the founders of the Cyberpunk genre went so dystopic as to make their exploited sex workers also be exploited media empire products – Bunraku is downright wholesome homespun sleaze compared to what the real future held.

I forgot all about the Bunraku stuff! That definitely needs to be mixed into this metaphor somewhere. Gibson just keeps racking up Prophet Points. He’s almost got enough to get the skateboard, maybe even the Playstation 2 if he gets lucky! He’ll probably just blow it all on 600 skull rings, though.

Let’s be real, it’s William Gibson, so he was only ever in the Prophet Arcade to score some heroin.

You’ve seen things we people wouldn’t believe? Come on brother, you know where you are. Have you read the one about the colored-pencil illustrated book involving a demonic chicken based preschool molestation cult?

Holy shit, I spent the past month and a half playing catch up on 1900HotDog and I finally get caught up on Fucking Day and this article. Not the climax I was expecting but the one I deserve.

Oh no! I have fallen for the logical fallacy of, “this does not give me a boner, ergo it cannot be sexual!” But I was so sure! I *rented* La Blue Girl from the Kids section of Blockbuster Video so it’s not like I have any delusions about myself! The vtubers just didn’t do anything for me. So, I thought I was on pretty good grounds to declare the whole vtuber thing a harmless exercise in parasocial relationships killing people in real life! Uh. Fuck. Learning boners may have happened on the way to the grave is cursed knowledge.

You keep calling them girls, and I know the characters are. But I think it’s been proven that at least half the humans behind Vtubers are adult men.

This article might have just ruined my relationship!

Saw my fiance watching anime (which I am totally cool with, even if he stares at their boobies, because I am a COOL girlfriend) that seemed a little weird. Here is our conversation.

“Hey baby, what are you watching?”
“Oh, it’s this thing called V-tubing”

At this point, I am slightly anxious but not worried.

“What’s the website called?”
“Hololive”
“W-wh-what do you mean?” My brain is on fire. Is my man watching weird porn with that alien dick thing?

He says he didn’t know there were porn bits, he just thought it was cute and innocent. I have either pulled him back from the abyss or uncovered a very strange (but maybe still valid?) kink.

I will update as soon as this story develops.

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