Hot Dog Appreciation Day: What’s the Best Head Explosion?

It’s time once again for some Hot Dog Appreciation, which sounds like a dick-gazing contest, and it is! But only metaphorically. On this day we honor you, the readers, and your hilarious contributions to this site dedicated to interdimensional psychic garbage. It sounds weird when we put it like that, but you’re the ones who pay money for it. Who’s the real weirdo here?

First up, an anonymous message:

So there you go: We could theoretically be cited in a court of law, therefore we must be cited in a court of law. You know what to do.

…

Elaborate hot dog themed crimes! Sorry, didn’t want to leave that one open for interpretation. 

And now, on to the comments:

Sissyneck does this strange bit in the comments section of every single one of our articles. It’s kind of about a boring everyman who doesn’t realize his life is actually madness. Like King of the Hill directed by David Lynch. He’s the most dedicated troll we have, and he is precious to us.

We’ve chosen this one to highlight simply because it’s his most approachable work: Everybody can appreciate good observational humor. And who hasn’t been disappointed with a genital band-aid before?

Katherine has found the one upside to attending a Creationist school — every essay is three words long: “God did it.” For bonus credit: “Fuck the moon!”

Meanwhile fucking Jim is out here trying to unravel the fabric of society:

And Mel Mudkiper puts more thought into the Blade family than Malibu put into every single anything they’ve ever made put together:

Over in the Discord, Not Actually Mithras unlocks the mystery of Malibu’s terrible art:

And it was a hotly contested race, but flamefish345 has identified the unquestionably dorkiest thing:

Every once in a while a topic takes the whole Discord by storm. Sometimes it’s music, sometimes it’s literature, sometimes it’s the crumbling facade of American politics, but most times it’s which head explodes the goodest:

Josh has uncovered a disturbing new fetish in several senses of the word:

And Cerril, poor Cerril. He made an innocent wish and did not realize a dickhead genie was listening. This comes from what used to be the Drink Nerds channel.

Someday the rest of the room will forgive him for tainting their clubhouse. It will not be this day.

Finally, Argentrose found a home she could understand, and KCJMAC welcomed her the best way we know:

Damn, this was a cutthroat week in Hot Doggery! How can mere men choose one winner from this vast pool filled with nothing but winners and winner-juices? Like this: Congratulations, Mel Mudkiper, for telling us the saga of Herman Blade and the lesser Blades! For the next two weeks, you will take possession of the most valuable work of art known to man. Or at least, what used to be the most valuable work of art — fuckin’ Jakesy35 spilled barbecue sauce on it and tried to do the restoration himself. 

It was a valiant effort, Jakesy35, but your atrocities will never be forgotten, and your seed will be wiped from the Earth.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anybody ever questions that, you come tell us. We’ll ride ‘em down on our hogs. Our actual hogs. Our actual trained battlehogs.