I would wish you all a Happy Podcasting Day, but I’m afraid that’s inappropriate today. This is a Very Special Episode of the Dogg Zzone 9000 where Jason Pargin helps us tackle a very serious problem: Satan.
Yes, it takes three to tackle Satan – one for each leg and one up high – but more specifically, we’re talking about the Satanic Panic. It was a hilarious and ridiculous nationwide witch hunt that spanned all of the 1980s, and the inherent comedy of panicky idiots seeing the devil in nerd games was only slightly dampened by the many, many real lives it ruined.
Luckily Seanbaby brought the craziest god damn book to lighten the mood: Satanic Ritual Abuse: A Therapist’s Handbook.
It’s a manual for gullible therapists on how to coach attention-seeking adults into bad improv about the devil, and it’s full of illustrations you’d only pretend to put on the fridge even if you loved your lobster-clawed blind child very much.
Our fine Patrons get the bonus episode, where Jason sticks around to watch Aquaman do very little in a confusing tale of Super Friends! And don’t forget to buy Jason’s incredible new book, Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick, wherever incredible new books or dick punches are sold. Please also subscribe to our podcast wherever podcasts or dick punches are subscribed to, and leave a review! Be sure to mention that it DEFINITELY DOESN’T sound like we’re all a bunch of fuckin’ dweebs who the devil would never hang with. Clarify that it DOES NOT sound like that.
WE LOVE YOU, SNAP-SNAP, BUT THESE ARE OVEN DRAWINGS.
3 replies on “Podcasting Day: The Satanic Panic, with Jason Pargin 🌭”
I cannot comprehend the sheer madness depicted above. I have have looked at the drawing captioned “A baby is sacrificed during cult ritual” for no less than 30 minutes; I still have so many questions.
Where are the arms coming from?
Do the candelabras have dicks? Is it a goats head? What does this mean?
Is the baby being killed by the star in the pentagram? Is the goats head also bleeding into a bowl?
My brain is no longer able to parse this image. It will haunt me forever. I will stay awake at night tortured by this drawing. Unlocking the meaning of this is all that matters now: this is my life’s work.
“Satan” is the answer to all of those questions, as well as any followup questions you might have.
All of my follow up questions had to do with whom is secretly responsible for all of the things I love in my life – black metal, D&D, porn, pro wrestling, Jesus – and the answer to all of the above is indeed “Satan”… Yep, Brockway’s advice checks out!