Podcasting Day: UFC 1 Was a Magical Shitstorm 🌭

This week on the Dogg Zzone 9000, we go back to 1993 to discuss the dumbest commercial for a jiu jitsu school ever filmed which also ended up being the most important night for martial arts in the history of the world: Ultimate Fighting Championship 1: The Beginning.

Listen here or wherever you podcast.

This show we welcome back our old friend, Zak Koonce, producer of our podcast’s untouchable theme song and accomplished Ground Karate grab-puncher to discuss this bloody battle between 8 warriors, 6 of which had no idea what the fuck was going on. And speaking of not knowing what was going on, while UFC 1 was one of Zak and Sean’s most defining things, Brockway had never seen it before. So he learned 28 years too late that using the style of Sumo to run straight into your enemy with furious slaps doesn’t work.

Besides the fascinating changes in the martial arts landscape that happened before our eyes that night and how they’ve evolved from there, we also talk about the complete shit show of the production. The announce team, especially Bill “Superfoot” Wallace, had no idea how to say words or describe violence. The referee didn’t know what these maniacs were or were not allowed to do and didn’t even want to make a guess about what makes a fight “over.” Plus, the guy he asked for rule clarifications was the big brother of one of the competitors. It is objectively the stupidest shit and it can’t be overstated how much it instantly changed the lives and careers of millions of people.

And for clarity, the part of the show where Sean is laughing too hard to talk, he’s trying to describe the moment Bill Wallace fucked up the name of the event, the name of both fighters, the pronunciation of each of their fighting styles, and then threw to his broadcast partner, Rich “The G-Man” Goins, with this:

It’s a night of confused boxers, winded men, missing teeth, and a few more Nazi salutes than we expected!

Like us on subscribe! Ground us on Poundus! Hot Dog patrons can listen to the bonus podcast on our Discord or Patreon where Zak and Brockway trade recipes from an unthinkable semen cook book. And we, of course, leave you with this: tournament champion Royce Gracie’s UFC 1 headshot.

8 replies on “Podcasting Day: UFC 1 Was a Magical Shitstorm 🌭”

Almost done with this podcast, but had to stop it and say I’m fucking dying at the Kevin roast. For some fucking reason I lost it at “he walks like he was created in Spore” and I haven’t even seen this UFC. I’m just picturing a crab-walking potato monstrosity and I almost don’t

want to see the actual video because of the picture that was painted between that and “Shrek mo-cap test” almost certainly can’t live up to expectations.

P.S. I accidentally drunk clicked the post comment button before I was done. Shrug

So I was thinking about that Travis guy you couldn’t remember the last name to and thought “isn’t it Fulton?” Then I googled it because I couldn’t have possibly remembered that name…. and not only did I remember it, but… he hung himself in prison in February after child porn charges. Jesus. Jason’s right, every road leads to darkness.

Royce Gracie looking like he’s on the cover of a romance novel.
Everyone, please, pick this ball up and run with it.

I actually just re-watched this the other night, for the first time in years, and yeah, magical shitstorm is the most apt description ever. About that Patrick Smith guy and his supposed “over 200 wins” or whatever they said. Yeah, this is going to shock you, but that was utter bullshit. Looking at his fight record, by the time of his last match in 2016, he was 66-8 in kickboxing, 20-17 in MMA, and 5-11-2 in boxing. So less than 200 fights, and DEFINITELY less than 200 wins. Also, his most notable loss was… Oh no… Against the law for pedophelic sex crimes in 1999, and then again in 2008 for not registering as a sex criminal. Oh no.

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