It’s Reflecting Day, and that means we’re supposed to take a good long look at ourselves. I don’t want to do that. I’m sick of looking at myself, I’m already too pretty and quite frankly I think it’s going to my head. Also my reflection is suspicious, I think this is turning into some Zelda shit, and I am not prepared to defeat Dark Brockway in battle. Instead, I’m going to look at all of you. I know that sounds like a threat, and it is, but I’m mostly talking about all the rad shit you guys have made for the Hot Dog Community over the last year and a half.
If you don’t pay attention to the Appreciation Days, you are fucking up. Consider this your primer. First off, you’re missing the fan art of Will Black, who routinely brings Hot Dog articles to accursed life with his awesome illustrations.
Here’s one he did for the Dirty Tennis Teamworking Day, where we proved without a shadow of a doubt that Dick Van Patten hunts people for sport.
Much like the group poisonings that used to plague Joann’s, this one was inspired by craft store tarot cults, and Lydia’s hilarious article on them:
That makes perfect sense if you read the article, and a different kind of perfect sense if you haven’t.
Here’s Will’s cover for the Seagal/Schneider comic book crossover event of the century:
If you have the gold foil variant, it’s worth up to $4.49 CAN today. And if it’s signed by Seagal and Schneider, it is worth significantly less.
If doing awesome stuff for the site was an all-girl rollerderby, Gellaho would be the big lady they call The Ogre who’s on roller-probation for breaking too many collarbones. She calls everybody “Jenny” regardless of their real name, and it takes you months just to get close enough to her to find out that’s her deceased daughter. She once brought a live alligator to the ring and just skated around holding it out so it could bite her competitors. That’s exactly what Gellaho is, but for 1900HOTDOG.
First and foremost, he’s our Official Ape Wrangler.
In our Blaby Games Teamworking Day, we made fun of the weirdly seductive ape on the cover of Killer Kong.
We renamed it, with all subtlety and grace, Fuck Ape. It became our first emoji, and Gellaho’s powerfully erotic muse. He spent the rest of his life (probably) making specific theme apes for us. Here’s my absolute favorite:
As you can see, I like my apes like I like my women: Beefy, terrifying, and played by Donald Gibb. When I say there’s an ape for every occasion, do not take it lightly:
In our Discord, Gellaho also live-reads outlandishly terrible books about cyborgs with human penises, and junior detectives (thank Christ for that comma). Plus he commissioned this insane Cameo from Traxx himself, Shadoe Stevens, just to make sure the last thing my failing eyes saw was beautiful.
(John also does readings in Book Dorks, but in the exact opposite direction: He’s working his way through all the Conan comics, serving as a kind of spiritual ballast to the damage Gellaho does every week.)
If you don’t know Mo, he made the entire Hot Dog Crew as wrestlers in Fire Pro…
Then he made fellow Discord user Thrillho’s father, and had us stomp the man’s teeth into gelatin because the idiot took Ivermectin. We encourage all of our fans to use our likenesses to work out their issues with their own father, because that’s art. That’s what art is. We consulted with an artist just to make sure that was accurate and he said, exactly, “fuck. Fuck. I… guess so? Oh fuck. Oh no. Is that all I’m doing? That’s all I’m doing.”
Mo hosts weekly fight nights with Javo in the Discord. Which is to say that they both watch ridiculous MMA bouts with the community — it’s not a weekly fight between Mo and Javo, although a quick poll does say that would be hilarious.
Hey speaking of unholy Hot Dog dubs, Bloodsucker Proxy channeled Popsicle Pete for this one, which we keep asking you not to do. Here’s the original comic for reference:
He also made these kickass Hero Forge figures of the Hot Dog Crew:
He really captured Seanbaby’s shorts and the only way I shoot my guns, but Lydia needs more pouches. She’s like a Liefeld drawing in real life, that girl and her pouches. The downside is that she rattles when she walks, ruining all of our stealth missions, but on the upside she always has mints.
Djonin didn’t think it was enough for the Hot Dog crew to exist as mystical warriors in a virtual realm, so he brought them all into the real world, which is also the plot to the Hot Dog Movie we’re writing.
You’d play this game.
I’m not saying it’s bad, I’m saying it clearly Jumanjis you — I’ve never seen a more obvious trap game and I have played Divorce Monopoly.
Chase got us on the news:
And we straight fucked the news up. The sudden unplanned memory of Shadoe Stevens sent their newsbrains reeling, and then they tried to say 1900HOTDOG out loud — never doctor recommended — and the entire segment fell apart. It was perfect.
Josh liveposts in the Discord while he makes nightmare recipes from old foodbooks, back before the invention of deliciousness. I say that’s also art. Maybe it’s not about dads in a way we can easily understand, but art makes you feel something — and if the German Pizza doesn’t make you feel something, I would argue you are already dead from eating German Pizza.
I like to think this was in honor of our German theme song, but I think it’s more likely that he said something dumb and needed to punish his mouth.
Nanasaurus makes the merch we’re not bold enough to:
If you saw that bizarre cavalcade of apes up there, or heard about the cyborg with a human penis and thought “I must own stickers of these, to announce to others that I am not safe to be around,” you want to follow Nanasaurus.
FrozenPie painted us into The Battle of Blythe Road, a piece of extremely father-angry artwork commemorating that time W.B. Yeats kicked Aleister Crowley down the stairs. It was commissioned by Javo and crowdfunded by the rest of the Hot Dog Community for no other reason than it sounded funny.
And they were right!
Motherfucking Monk actually went and got the first 1900HOTDOG tattoo!
It’s not on his dick, which feels like a misstep, but it’s possible he was just trying to get the proportions right before committing to the next logical step.
If we’re talking awesome people bringing Hot Dog jokes to life, Sissyneck did such a killer long-running bit in the comments that they actually turned into Hot Dog. Spontaneously. Like some sort of fairytale, only set in the mystical kingdom of Idaho and Prince Charming has hot chip diarrhea.
If you guessed we had ulterior motives for showcasing and praising all the amazing things the Hot Dog community has made, shame on you. It must be sad to live your life with that kind of mistrust in your heart.
Oh hey, we’re moving the PoxCo Store!
The official store of 1900HOTDOG is driving its rusty van to a new parking lot, and that means fresh designs like the Hot Dog Lineup! Celebrate Hot Doggery with the complete collection of our Year 1 mascots.
It’s impossible to pick the criminal from this lineup, the only thing these little Hot Dog boys are guilty of is unmitigated joy. And riding a horse through a car wash. That was a misunderstanding.
If you’re more of a Year 2 Hot Dog fan, we understand. We were working through a lot of personal issues that first year, and in retrospect maybe so much of our art shouldn’t have been about impotency and fathers.
So celebrate the fun year instead, with the Hot Dog Adventurers!
This looks like the bitchin’ novelization of a show too rad for CBS’s 1994 10PM Thursday timeslot. You know you want to wear that!
Hey, speaking of awesome shit coming your way – if you’re pledged at the Hot Dog Appreciator tier or above, check your Patreon messages! New shirts are going out soon and we need your address for shipping purposes, and your status as a police officer for entrapment purposes.
If you’re wondering what your hard-earned money is going to get you… eat shit! Hahaha as a Hot Dog Appreciator, you never know what the design is going to be until you’re already wearing it. However, if you ex-amine the STruCTure of this article, u may find a CL00 to help Ease Your Trouble-d brain.*
*Don’t ever examine anything Brockway does, it’s literally never been worth it.