Upsetting Day: Corey Haim’s Me, Myself, and I

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7 replies on “Upsetting Day: Corey Haim’s Me, Myself, and I”

I am so excited for next weeks article about Corey Haim so I can finally go look up Corey Haim and see how his career went. I’m so curious now.

I’m pleased that the Poxco TV/VHS combo that you’re watching this on is apparently an Energy Star certified appliance. Good on you Sean!

Unfortunately, PoxCo thinks that means ‘requires the energy of a star to run’. Watching that video burned out Proxima Centauri.

Jesus, Sean. That was…

Well, look. You sent me a copy of “101 Things That Have Been Inserted Into A Human Body” (or something to that effect), and that was just insulting–no context for each item, no setup, no humiliating squat-jog through the doors of the ER, no heinous surgical descriptions, not even the outcome with an occasional “…and he never sat again.” Just one item. Per page. For 101 pages. That made me angry–not at you of course but at the author whose name I’m not even going to bring up, may Hell itself have no punishment ugly enough to match the ugly behind this “book”. I grieve for the trees that died for this piece of shit book.

But the Corey Haim tape is…man…I think I need to take a shower and pray.

What helped me was to calculate how many trees Corey Haim was worth. Baseline human is worth about 100 trees, so from there it’s just a question of carbon footprint.

And just thing, this article was about the better Corey. Even knowing nothing about Haim, he has to be the better Corey (though not the best Corey, who brings us to water).

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