Categories
FUCKING DAY

Fucking Day: SUPERSEX! 🌭

Well how-hot-dog-do-ya to-ya its me Sissyneck, today we’re just gonna say right off the bat here that this article is one in the 1900HOTDOG Marital Aid series (its not TOO dirty, a few notches above a Tanya Roberts PG maybe) so take your regular percautions, whether thats making the browser window real small right in the corner of you’re work computer screen and reading the whole thing in kinda a sweaty panic, or taking a longish bathroom break with your phone or hell: me and LaRene have learnt that sometimes you might SAY your readin something saucy as a goof but it might turn out your homogenous zones dont get the message its just a joke and honestly: thats just good fun. So maybe if you got the time an privacy an inclination: go ahead and put on your softest flannel and set up your backrest pillow and perhaps some sensual music and take your time reading this one to yourself or to a willin pard or even as we shall see: pards.

So today we will be considerin a book of the type you might have found in the closet of your friends older brother-in-law who had boobie-mags or the back room of a used bookstore they would kick you out if they found you in there or even, depending on your upbringins, your parents had a copy in their nightstand, which is:

You may recall that we have happen up on Xaviera in our past adventures, she was sellin some labious jewelries and in case you dont know, she was pretty famous: she wrote a advice column for Penthouse because of she was qualified by her history of being a sexworker who got arrested and deported but first she ran a brothel called The Vertical Whorehouse. Which I don’t know if it was the house that was vertical or the workers or her marketing strategy because she also had a board-game:

And wrist-watches for maybe a cool bachelor uncle who would get upset if someone asked him can you please not wear that one to the wedding ceremony:

(He’d still wear it I think and kinda nudge you and show you every time its 3:15 or 6:35 or whatever and you’d laugh despite or account a because its getting uncomfortable.)

And Xaviera also had a musical perswasian (careful if you click on that one it is safe but the song WILL get in your head and you might not realize your singing it out loud and try to explain to your coworkers its a unreleased Queen song but i don’t think they believed me.)

Anyway back to books, she also wrote a BUNCH of them and I for a while thought it might be another Franklin W. Dixon betrayal where your favorite writer turns out to be a dumb committee but it looks like Xaviera is real and still alive actually!

The internet has some new versions of SUPERSEX but mine is from 1971 itself. I found it at the Friends of the Libary booksale and was a little nervous about who would see me buy it so i also got about 12 James Michener novels for camouflauge (and a nice Chet Atkins double LP I didn’t know they sold vinyl) anyway my copy has a warm inscription:

Which the mind reels a bit with speculation doesn’t it, about Michael and Mimi and John and how they came to be the type of friends that would give such a gift with such a message did Mimi and John perhaps give their buddy Michael a ride home from the circuit finals rodeo in ‘73 and the excitement and heat of that august night and the earthy smells of Wrangler and wool and truck seat cover there with Mimi in the middle and all three of em not looking at but completely aware of that extra long extra slender gear shifter with the handle-knob on top worn smooth from Johns expert touch just BUZZIN there against Mimi’s thigh until she can’t keep it in anymore: a soft moan escapes her rural lips and she clutches em both by the leg and then they did look and at each other too and with a meaningful slight smile John turnt on the blinker and off onto a side road none of them had never dreamed they’d ever travel, let alone, together…

Ah well let’s get er back on track here and see if we can’t learn something to enrich our bedroom times.

This book is actually pretty dents with information so i’ll break it down into manageful chunks so you can get the main themes and flavors:

Erotick Celebrity Guest Stars

Xaviera understand that fame is sometimes its own sexual dynamite and so she sprinkles her books with some tarantalizin cameos guaranteed to red your blood right up for example:

Sound the arousal siren! Thats powerful sexual but in way as maybe a David Letterman type might say ‘we got a woody here’ real sly with a part of a smile that let’s you inside the joke so you could snicker when even your grandma was was around so’s you had pausable denyability. 

Weeee-ooo-weeee-ooo what a dirty-boy maybe more like Benjamin Fucklin!? No, that one felt like me trying to hard to fit in with the other dirty jokers around here. C’mon Sissyneck to your OWN voice be truth! 

Who turned off the arousal siren?  Seriously turn it back on this right-here is a erotic gravel pit of pleasure-treasure.

Yes another thing that is not for women only is: Barbara Walters! NOW we are getting wet/hard/wide/etc.

Consensual or Nonsensual?

Well another recurrant theme is that it appears that maybe thinking has changed over time about what is okay to do without asking for example:

I mean MAAAAAYBE with a lot of communication ahead of time and pre-consent and boundaries and trust and such but even then I think we could probably still find a better name.

Yes again I know clear and direct communication is not super-sexy purrsay but it might be worth it to avoid some issues and also our cover IS attractive and fluffy but I feel like Nemo starin up into our openins might make me self-conscience.

The Unbidden Snowball eh? Well this one is maybe at least a equality in sexual ambush but still.

I played this one out in my head: okay so it’s me and lets say Doyle Jensen talkin about this ahead of time and agreein to set it up? Out-loud promising no motel monkey business (a fib), which is pretty-much a knowledgement that the person promisin it thought about motel monkey business? LaRene and Marjorie bein up for non-private monkey business?  Me and Doyle bein up for monkey business in the company of Doyle and me, respectively? Sorry Xaviera its just red lights all the way down this street.

The Times They Have a Changed

Now I am not pretending I am the most super-experienced sexual Lutharion and I am happy to think that there are things I never heard about that would be interestin to try with a gameful pard, but some of these I just dont know if theyre a thing like:

I’m not saying puttin fun parts in untraditional places isnt done but these specific instructions about you also either got to pretend to run very fast or do whatever dance that is? Well let me look it up here don’t tell the librarian.

Okay I found lots of videos of armpit pleasurin but no sprintin about like the t1000 or dancin while doin so, so.

Well we got all sorts of judgements in this one around orientation and identity and genitals and then sure while your being mean I guess why not top it off with some racism at the end but also just: really? Hold on I’m lookin this one up too tell me if the librarian starts coming over.

Now I’m not claimin my search was exhaustive but I didnt see any empiracial support for this one.

So I dont know why we’re given credit to our Albionese cousins for this one and personally I have both those items equipped but I feel like you really dont want to introduce certain funguses to certain membranes but maybe other people…hold on again keep an eye out.

Okay so this one is definitely a thing I guess today is a Learning Day for sissyneck, good for you adventuresome folks out there enjoyin your good toenail health!

This one I think even Xaviera maybe realized she went too far and was propagandin some sexy myths because…

…she backs off the jellyfish thing pretty quick and kinda disowns it like: ew who would even do that but you know what DOES feel good? is stingin nettle on your butt-cheeks and then someone hits you there, which: c’mon now.

Nope nope I was wrong I just looked there are many many videos and practitioners of nettle-play out there. The world is wider than I knew and I am enhumbled.  I still doubt about the jellyfish though.

Yes this seems like some silly 70s-style psychoanalacysts. You know what else is a tight coil? Most duck’s johnsons but i dont think anyone is sayin that means all waterfoul are into butt stuff. 

Lets just say that maybe the written parts of SUPERSEX are kinda a mixed bag. But luckily Xaviera understands the sexual mind is not only a organ of words and text but pictures are also pretty important. If you do buy the new computersized version of this book it is my for-sincerely hope that it includes the original illustrations by one Robert Baxter who as a artist is real talented and made me interested in his style (bet you never thought you’d find ol sissyneck spending his library computer time searchin up Egon Schiele). My only thing is, sometimes his facial expressions…well I just don’t know if the first word you want to think of when your looking at the faces of sexy picture people is: Haunted. 

Here I will show you, we will make this interactive like a 90s Osha training, first we’ll see the expression by itself and you guess with me what is the context and then we will look at the answer, ready? Ok: My guess for above would be: “Prince Gloom realizes the pitysome hag he just pushed over the battlement wall was, in ironic fact, his beloved Unicorn Princess, transfiggerd by a evil curse.”  

But really:

Okay how about this one:

Um maybe: “Debra contemplates that she didn’t not only inherit her mother’s passtive-agresstive tendencys but also her eye bags.”  

But really:

Okay next is:

“Hell Jake, I’m startin’ to doubt if we’ll ever get these beeves up to Missoula now that we lost Cal to them water moccasins and I never told him but he was my best friend too.”  

But really:

Another one is:

“Dearheart, I anticipationed that that fart would be of a mild odor or at worst moderate I did not realize the chorcheezo had completed its passage of me I am so sorry and ashame. Forgive me my love.”

Also probably shes saying: “No never.”

But really:

Okay one more it is our last chance:

“It is painful for me to consider there might not be a place for such as I in this party I was excited might accept me.”

But really:

Oh hey, we got one right!

But not all of em has everybody despaired, for instance she looks pretty happy:

Which with that one the mind reels a bit with speculation doesn’t it? About we can kinda imagine if we were at the Friends of the Libary book-sale and asked a volunteer: any chance of good Louis Lamours this year? And he said I heard theres some rare items of what you seek back in the Collectors Corner and pointed but he kinda winked weird when he said it and even a touch of the fey ‘bout his puckish smile and when we looked back to thank him he was nowhere to be seen, and then when we entered the Collectors Corner there wasnt anyone else in there which thats unusual but there was a sign saying “GOOD COWBOY BOOKS” with a arrow pointing up one of them book ladders so we started to assend and as we climbed we could smell the familiar and welcome book-sale odor of delicate folds long bound in darkness but ready for discovery with just a touch of damp but also a LESS familiar but just as welcome odor of delicate folds long bound in darkness but ready nay achin for discovery with much more than just a touch of damp and our hand reaches the final rung and…

Well anyway we better keep going there’s another important lesson the artist Baxter teaches us, I suspect with the input of Xaviera herself which is the powerful erotic potential of: Upholstery Patterns. 

But not every illustration is in need of such adornament a good artist knows when NOT to guild the lily for example:

Which with that one the mind reels a bit with speculation doesn’t it…

You know I wonder…

Uh-oh:

Welp there tellin me I got to leave the library now in the name of jesus christ amen.

4 replies on “Fucking Day: SUPERSEX! 🌭”

As we know from sissyneck’s last column, he wouldn’t be up for any monkey business, motel-variety or otherwise.

It would be good to edit the authorship on sissyneck’s earliest guest-slot columns before he became an official team member so they’re all archived together.

Comments are closed.