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LEARNING DAY

Learning Day: What Makes a Woman GIB?

Hello and Hot Dog, I found a nother pretty good book to tell you about and maybe we can learn something you can use in your own lives, together, again. Its another one that i locally sourced from the “Sexuality” section of the Friends of the Library Book sale (which: I consider it a personal growth of self-acceptants that I am now able to stand and purrooze the sex books at my own pace even if someone walks by, instead of like before when I’d grab one that looked promising and scamper off to the self-help section to look thru it (Unless their from Church then i’ll still kinda hide it and give em a tight `take-er-easy’ smile until they leave).)

This one is entitled with a term that was at first unfamiliar to me:

Does it mean what are female giblets?  Cause i know thats not a gendered thing its kidneys heart liver and turkey neck for ALL gods children. Anyway I didnt have to wonder that long because its actually right there on the cover:

And Here’s Wendy what wrote it:

(probly best to honor the hotdog tradition here of not lookin her up until after we get our giggles out) 

Anyway, what this is is: Wendy went around the world asking all the famous people she met: What Makes a Woman Good in Bed? and writing down what they said.  And at first I was kinda rollin my eyes about this because it seems like a pretty stupid question but then i saw what Wendy chose as her senior quote for the book:

And i kinda got it like “Ohhhhhh Wendy ALSO knows its a stupid question, shes not OUTCOME focused here and trying to actually answer the question, no theres some PROCESS here shes interested in.” And as i read i grew to understand that this book isnt: lets learn about womens sexuality, no no its actually: lets read about these famous people tellin on themselves. in what i believe is referred to as: a projective device.

Which I consider myself to be pretty much somewhat of curious about human nature and feel that i have developed my own modest means for assernin some unspoken datums about a personsality through the method of: what truck are they drivin? I know thats not super original, i think we all kinda instinctively understand the general co-relation between Truck size/number of accessories/loan amount and general penis insecurities but my research (unauthorized, unfunded) has indicated some excitin preliminary more-specific findings like: a person in a non-farm duellie has specific Girth Aspirations, and anybody drivin a Ram 1500 was daprived of love and affection during a crucial developmental window, and that Tundra with the WNDRWMN license plate well that’s Brenda’s wife Lisa whose pretty intense but also real generous (its a little bit of a problem though: she grew so much of her own cannabis this year that its almost like zuchhinni, like if you leave your car unlocked when you come back therell be some brownies in there that will make you REALLY like steely dan for a couple of hours).

Anyway this changed my perspection on this article because now i feel like instead of Wendy is the Topic and Target of what our british friends call “a piss-takin,” she is somewhat more now like a hot-dog collaborator and comedy-duet pard across time and yea even death, where she did the much harder work of findin all these famouses and givin em a petard for self-hoistin and writin it all up in a way that would get published but not totally kill her access to em in the future. And now i come along lo these many years later and adornish the subtle clinks of her conversational foils in my own unique style and fashion (outloud fart jokes). 

(Im ambulatin for cute with this one but i’m aware a lettin my enviousity of the comederaderie of the teamworkin days slip through so maybe this is more of a grotesqueue weekend-at-bernies-type attempt to imitate the same.)

Sisysneck: Wendy, let’s start with the first celebrity in the book, actorman Oliver Reed, (who we all remember from Gladiator but also from when he was supposed to play a pirate named “Mordechai Fingers” in Cutthroat Island but got fired because of tryin to expose himself to Geena Davis). 

Wendy: Thats right Sissyneck, he did do that! you know i actually felt a little bad when i met him “because a friend of mine had just arranged for a pie to be thrown in his face” which: what can I say it was the 70s i guess, but this is how he answered the question:

Sisysneck: Well Wendy, thats pretty gross even if like me you kinda automatically read it in Stephen Toasts voice. but if we put on our psychoanalcysts lenses and peer deeper what is it we find that Oliver REALLY said?

(Also in Toasts voice probably.)

So this is a special gift you have made for us Wendy! 

Wendy: Well thank you sissyneck, but I know your younger hot dog readers (38 and under) might not fully preciate it’s value, having grown up in your modernly magical time of twitter and etc. when the rich and famous are constantly and generously teaching us that wealth and fame have exackly zero relationship with wisdom, common-sense, not bein insecure, discretionary about what to say out loud, any understandin at all of history or societys basic functionings etc.  But it wasnt always so!  In times of your, celebrities images were pretty closely managed by studios and labels and what not and even the stuff that was supposedly candid or authentic was real carefully staged to confuse us that: the handsome actor playing the nice boy? actually WAS the nice boy! to the point where we were willin, as a nation, to give probably way to much power to pretty dumb, kinda shitty theater kids.

So Sissyneck, next we have one for the kids Here is very-famous(?) french singer AND lyricist Charles Aznavour:

By which we understand that he means:

Sisysneck: Wendy is there anything else youd like to tell us about this one? what’s that: “His teenage daughter was with him and the interview was done in her presence.”? Haha Ok then!

Next is a sports entertainer:

Seems like a good faith offer Mr. The Stilt!  Or is it? Sing, Sissyneck. Sing.

Not very good-faith after all i guess. okay well Wendy: how about this one who is qualified to teach us based on he was in the A-Team once AND Murder she wrote!

(Together): Oh Bo!

Wendy: Ok now for the second verse lets hear from a group of folks we’ll call The Anatomists who are specially qualified to answer this question because of there unique insight into the female phisyology due to: specialized skills an experiences like being jonny carson’s trumpet player:

I can see why they named you doc that is very scientific where did you learn medical school?

Sisysneck: Here is a nother actor he was pretty funny in Top Secret:

Hmm I don’t know if that’s exactly how it works so does that mean you also think that…

Wendy: Okay but this next one seems actually pretty experienced and not as prone to believin’ schoolyard myths i bet:

Well that is pretty detailed there Isaac but oh wait hes not done

Well yes of course you do sound like a man of appetites but we all know you have your limits:

Yes thats what we thought you might think but were gonna move on no-

Sisysneck: OOOKAY thats probably enough biology class for now welp thank for stoppin by Isaac and remindin us to disclaimer that the views espressed by the celeberties herein this article are not to be construed as medical or financial advice and are not endorsed by the 1900HOTDOG legal council of lawyers.

Wendy: But not all of em are so bad let’s break it down now with some what are more innocents like this special hot dog guy:

Yes thats not super deep but also not too bad, however what dark personal truth lies beneath!?

You know what? we’ll take it. i guess the heroes who remind us that: Not All Men on all of our posts and replies have a point after all but dont tell em i said that.

Sisysneck: oh look who else has joined us on our learnin adventure:

Haha he didnt really say that last part i put that in because of the movie. Okay but for real now: that seems like a not-bad all be it heteronormanal answer i really hope there’s nothing twisted undernea-

No that’s fine actually i spect we all spected that one this whole time.

Sisysneck: lets hear what Froderick’s costar has to say on the subject:

What secret unconscience desired could possibly be contained within such a statement!?

Haha Marty god bless you for queerin’ this one up a bit lord knows it could use it!

Uh-oh Wendy do you hear that i’m getting a message through the earpiece here:

SPECIAL RED ALERT SECTION OF THEM WHAT APPEAR TO HAVE BEEN BRAINPOISONED BY FAME TO THE POINT THAT THEY SEEM TO BE A ACTUAL SOCIETAL DANGER 

So the kick drum is gettin louder and the bassist is startin to make that stank-face they don’t like it but we got to keep goin’ Wendy, i think that means were about to take a look at the real problem kids now.

Wendy: Well, sissyneck, this one we already know that hes got some answerin to do bout how we’re all still dealin with the fallout of his bullshit version of masculiminality:

Alright alright just tell us who hurt you and how

Ok bud thats enough from you, whose next on this gavelcade of he-man misery?

Yes His Majesty’s Moore probly got a full-dose of character/actor confusion before we had our modern antidotes. How else did this effect him?

Toilet issues we

(Together): all got em! 

Wendy: but not enough to get my sympathy on that one, ok what’s left here sissyneck take me to the river:

Sisysneck: Huh well i think mitchum might just beat out the Cowboy Wayne for the award for most succinct de-humanization and objectifacation of so many of his earthly neighbors what else is under there?

(edatorial note: i couldnt deicide which one i lieked best so in youre best bestimation which one a these is haha funny and which is funny hmm like i look up from my book for just a moment to give a rye smile and then back to readin i’d like to be the second one)

(Editor’s note: We don’t edit these, it would be like pissing in a river trying to get it to overflow the dam.)

Sisysneck: Welp Wendy you hear that sound, yep that’s the banjo players gone all upsetted and detuning their ‘jos in despair and protest of where we’ve ended up here so i wanna say it was a pleasure sharin this hot dog stage with you so big finish big smiles and bow to your partner and bow to your corner and bow to this live solid gold studio audience in the name of jesus christ amen.

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4 replies on “Learning Day: What Makes a Woman GIB?”

The level of ambition in the project is profound and it was piloted safely and with aplomb. As with all 🌭 articles, I have developed a protocol where I apply a Likert scale of my emotive enjoyment response to each segment (a subjective determination admittedly) and then analyse the numbers. Obviously I cannot share this data because I am using it to see if I can create a synthetic joy experience that would be directly injected into the soft bit of the back of my skull when necessary, but this article did exceptionally well by my metrics and I think that it means indisputably that – even if only a brief for a brief fugue – I was happy.

Sissyneck articles age like a jar of home made jam from the neighbors- a beautiful reminder of the generosity of spirit of thems around you, and also maybe a sign that the fruits of nature are bountiful in a pleasin’ kind of way.

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