Upsetting Day: S Rob Magic Revisited

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12 replies on “Upsetting Day: S Rob Magic Revisited”

Goddamnit, I already know how this ends for me and it ain’t pretty. While Brockway (and Seanbaby) eventually becomes best friends and bandmates with S Robs and his buddy Mike Watt Statham, in my desperation to land a zinger responding to someone with a threateningly similar name to mine I will go too far and get banned from here.

That will leave me no alternative to start writing all my magic spells into books to sell on kindle and – lacking any acquaintances with accredited Special Forces training – will get swiftly murdered by someone S Robs would describe as a “dusky tribal wizard-hunter”. Ignore me, I am only a Cassandra.

“There are no gang attacks in UK anymore just killings because the laws are so narrow that there is no way to survive it” is the exact phrase that will be carved on S Rob’s gravestone some day after he failed to see a Wizard hunter coming.

If the 2019 film Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker has taught me anything, it’s that the Sith, upon being killed in anger, can assume the form of their killer. Clearly, he trying to intice “Mr.Brockway”, obviously an African/Middle-Eastern/Brazilian Witch-Hunter in hiding, to travel to the UK and strike him down. Once he has assumed the vissage of Inquisitor Brockway, he can transform 1900Hotdog into 666TacticalHotdog thereby exponentially increasing the reach of his (intentionally?) underperforming mystical ramblings while simultaneously infiltrating the global S Rob Book Club/ Anti-Sorcery Hit Squad.

You know, S’s tirade did actually provide me with a little clarity – up until now, I didn’t actually make the connection between “tactical pen” and “knife substitute”. I guess it makes sense, but I never really thought about what made the pens tactical – maybe they were used for writing letters on a warzone?

A tactical pen is metal, weighted, and pointed on one end (I mean pointed metal, obviously most pens are pretty pointy on the writing end.) My boss has one, in case he’s not at home were his guns are stockpiled when the zombie apocalypse finally comes. Thankfully my performance reviews are performed with a regular pen, which he mooches from my desk because he’s misplaced his tactical pen.

Anyway, S Rob’s explanation that he wrote the book using the only unbanned weapon in the UK is the ONLY thing that made sense in the responses. I’ve heard of “one step forward, two steps back,” but I’ve never seen “one step forward, fifteen steps back, fall off a cliff dick-first into a wood chipper.”

I also really have to respect S Rob: despite all the Brazilian assassins out there (not to mention the entire “continent” of middle east), he’s just too law-abiding to use a carving knife as a weapon.

And now the UK won’t even allow him to have those. Is it any surprise he’s resorting to tactical magick?

Also yeah, the entire marketing behind tac pens is “this is for stabbing but we don’t want to openly say that, tee hee”.

*taking notes* can’t be Sith if Brazilian police torture you… got it, Thanks, S Rob! Or should I say thankssrob!

I’m not one to argue with crazy, but guns aren’t illegal in the UK, just very heavily regulated. You can get a licence for a shotgun or rifle if you can prove that you have a legitimate need for it. It’s why some farmers have shotguns and we still have limited hunting and sports shooting. I think A Rob made a mistake with his application. You’re not supposed to answer ‘yes’ to ‘Are you planning on using this firearm to kill a bloke named Skull Cracker in a pub?’.

Get him on the podcast. GET HIM ON THE PODCAST. Please get him on the podcast.

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