You are directly in the middle of Puppet Week and it rules! You have been trained to expect punishment and terror, and you’ve received only orgasmic Tim Curry faces and orgasmic puppet jumpkicks. That all stops today. We’re joined by our very own Hot Doggists, horror author Lydia Bugg and everything else author Dennard Dayle, to talk about the worst puppet act in history: Ron & Marty. Take note: It’s not the most offensive puppet act in history, it’s not the weirdest or most confusing, it is simply the worst. Objectively the worst, in a way we will spend a full hour proving. Ron & Marty set out to inform and bring joy to Christian children of the 1980s, historically the most uninformed and joyless of all children, and failed on every front. Legend says that to this very day, if you put your ear up to a yawning Christian child, you can still hear Ron & Marty bombing. Let’s learn about-
FREEDOM
Christ’s love doesn’t cost anything, that’s what’s so great about it! Kind of like the suffering of America’s veterans, but opposite. Happy fourth of July!
JUNK FOOD
The great thing about Christ is that he’s filling, he’s not the 7-11 nachos of spiritual food. Don’t eat too much soul candy in the morning, because then you won’t have room for Christ in the afternoon. That’s it, thank you for listening to this metaphor!
PROFANITY
SHUCKS! Aw, sorry for the profanity, let us pray. If you swear, or hear somebody swearing, the solution is easy: Just drop to your knees and pray. Immediately. Every single swear said by yourself or somebody else, even if you just think it: Pray. Yes, even in the middle of the street!
PORNOGRAPHY
This is 1980s rural Christian America, so you children are, of course, addicted to the hardcore pornography you have easy access to. But here’s a song that might help you:
♫ Full penetration, full penetration ♫
♫ I love to physically run away from images depicting full penetration! ♫
So what it doesn’t rhyme. The Bible doesn’t rhyme.
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This podcast was brought to you by a hot Hot Dog Tip from Michael Rader. Please assign blame accordingly.
9 replies on “Puppet Week: The Worst Puppeteer in History with Lydia Bugg and Dennard Dayle 🌔
FUCK.
Ah its not bad, though I missed the last few moments of the ep and the bonus. I have to assume that there is nothing in those that shoves an ice grenade into my soul though, RIGHT?!??
I know that unskilled performers tend to be given more opportunities in Christian entertainment due to small talent pools and lower standards, but I just assume ventriloquism is one of those disciplines where at least 25% of them are doing it for the Lord, so the decision to choose Ron is doubly baffling. There were probably dozens of semi-competent fundamentalist puppeteers in the Miami-Dade area alone, and they were convinced THIS guy was broadcast material?
I don’t want to watch these clips, but I have no idea what’s going because the idiot hack doesn’t ever change his goddamn voice. The first pre-historic human to hold an object near a baby figured this out, but Ron couldn’t.
I genuinely think researching this episode broke Brockway. This is a cry for help that will go unanswered.
I can explain the nachos
*sigh*
I’m a Sunday School teacher at a Baptist church. Trying to get out of misguided metaphors is what I do. In a normal bad Christian metaphor, nachos would represent tv or books or secular music or whatever other cool stuff fills your time and your brain but doesn’t give you spiritual feelings of peace or joy or love. Those spiritual feelings are supposed to come from reading your Bible or praying or going to church with other people who read their Bibles and pray and go to church. Religious activities are supposed to be spiritually filling in a way that cartoons or regular books or secular music are not. Those things fill your soul like gas station nachos. It’s a kind of Christian cliche we saw a lot in the nineties (usually with cartoons = candy). This idiot forgot the end of his own metaphor.
God, I’m such a nerd. It gets worse too- I’m a S. S. Teacher at a (thankfully independent) Baptist church and I live on a beef farm deep into Trump county. I wasn’t sure why I was here either but I guess it’s to nerdsplain half-baked religious nacho metaphors to heathens 🙂
That ending was some of the biggest blue balling I’ve ever heard in a podcast. You sick bastards are making me get Patreon tomorrow! BRAVO, HERE’S MY MONEY.
All of the teasing comments about the end, when I can’t listen to podcasts, had me curious. So I looked up “Ron & Marty”. Jesus. Holy. Christ. I….sweet mother of god. I didn’t…I didn’t even conceive of “worse than the obvious worst revelation”. Gods no.
This was the first time I listened to the podcast.
It’s going to be hard to top.