Super fun article. I loved the part where one woman tells her Yoga practitioner friend: “I don’t do Yoga because is very Satanic, but instead try this Christian thing with me” and the friend, after seeing it, says: “Yep, still totally fucking Yoga” and she is horrified by the discovery
One time I was at a yoga class and I saw Satan’s nutsack. I wasn’t perving on him: he’d actually cut a teabagging hole in the bottom of his lycra shorts.
“One of the most important tenets of modern Christianity is spreading the word of Christ’s teaching by whatever methods necessary, and for some people, the best way to spread that word is by having a great ass.”
Poxco “Caked-up 4 Christ” bootyshorts when? the world need evangelism you can hold with both hands
In nómine Patris, et Fílii, et Spíritus Sancti. Amen.
Okay, if you’re creating a Christian alternative to Pilates and call it Praiselates, you suck. Obviously, the only acceptable name for that is Pontius Pilates.
My kingdom for a “Like” button😁
Alabama banned yoga classes in public schools in 1993 and to this day the only thing you can teach is this oddball form:
“Chanting, mantras, mudras, use of mandalas, induction of hypnotic states, guided imagery, and namaste greetings shall be expressly prohibited,” the bill states. It also requires English names be used for all poses and exercises. And before any students try a tree pose, they’ll need a parent’s permission slip.
I’m sorry, but 13 or so 20 and 30something year old men in togas or low-cut tunics drinking wine half the night and all they did was talk and eat? Bullshit, that’s the toga party from Animal House except with a drunk Peter playing Hide the Breadstick with Judas.
The jpeg of that deadly Christian front kick blasted my eyes four inches back into my brain. It’s dark in here
I actually admire the kind of people who’d look at this and say:
“I don’t care how much scripture you chant while you do it, this is still Yoga and you’re still going to Hell.”
They’re still evil and stupid, but they’re consistent, and they know you can’t just slap a “Christian-Tested, Jesus Approved” label on something that just yesterday you claimed was the work of Satan.
These are the same people who hate Christian Rock almost as much as I do…but for opposite reasons:
Sing about your love of Jesus all you like; electric guitars and “jungle beats” are still the tools of the Evil One.
10 replies on “Learning Day: PraiseMoves”
Super fun article. I loved the part where one woman tells her Yoga practitioner friend: “I don’t do Yoga because is very Satanic, but instead try this Christian thing with me” and the friend, after seeing it, says: “Yep, still totally fucking Yoga” and she is horrified by the discovery
One time I was at a yoga class and I saw Satan’s nutsack. I wasn’t perving on him: he’d actually cut a teabagging hole in the bottom of his lycra shorts.
“One of the most important tenets of modern Christianity is spreading the word of Christ’s teaching by whatever methods necessary, and for some people, the best way to spread that word is by having a great ass.”
Poxco “Caked-up 4 Christ” bootyshorts when? the world need evangelism you can hold with both hands
In nómine Patris, et Fílii, et Spíritus Sancti. Amen.
Okay, if you’re creating a Christian alternative to Pilates and call it Praiselates, you suck. Obviously, the only acceptable name for that is Pontius Pilates.
My kingdom for a “Like” button😁
Alabama banned yoga classes in public schools in 1993 and to this day the only thing you can teach is this oddball form:
“Chanting, mantras, mudras, use of mandalas, induction of hypnotic states, guided imagery, and namaste greetings shall be expressly prohibited,” the bill states. It also requires English names be used for all poses and exercises. And before any students try a tree pose, they’ll need a parent’s permission slip.
https://www.npr.org/2021/05/21/999020140/its-now-legal-to-practice-yoga-in-alabamas-public-schools
I’m sorry, but 13 or so 20 and 30something year old men in togas or low-cut tunics drinking wine half the night and all they did was talk and eat? Bullshit, that’s the toga party from Animal House except with a drunk Peter playing Hide the Breadstick with Judas.
The jpeg of that deadly Christian front kick blasted my eyes four inches back into my brain. It’s dark in here
I actually admire the kind of people who’d look at this and say:
“I don’t care how much scripture you chant while you do it, this is still Yoga and you’re still going to Hell.”
They’re still evil and stupid, but they’re consistent, and they know you can’t just slap a “Christian-Tested, Jesus Approved” label on something that just yesterday you claimed was the work of Satan.
These are the same people who hate Christian Rock almost as much as I do…but for opposite reasons:
Sing about your love of Jesus all you like; electric guitars and “jungle beats” are still the tools of the Evil One.