Hey, do you ever feel like you were born in a time of vast potential only to come of age right as all the doors start slamming shut? That’s exactly what it feels like to get in a stranger’s bitchin’ custom van!
IT’S THE 2025 HOT DOG CUSTOM VAN CONTEST!
Things are getting bad out there. But you have options! You can go to therapy. You can join an activist movement. You can watch the news on mute at the gym and try to outrun an existential breakdown. Or you can look at this fucking sweet-ass custom van.
This van has everything: A badass wizard fighting fish monsters, a bumper designed to shred dogs, a TV, a loveseat, orange shag carpeting, velvet seats with built-in arm restraints, a disco tub just large enough to drown a woman in, an undrowned woman, everything a vanmaster dreams of!
If you need more inspiration, just look at our previous year’s van contests:
2022 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest: Gratuitous Van Service! Custom Van-Off and Panty Eating Contest
2023 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest: An Unlubricated Van Job! Custom Van-Off and Herpe Contest
2024 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest: Pull Over & Put It In! Custom Van-Off and Mustache Ride Contest
There’s some amazing art in there, some even more amazing crimes, and a whole lotta love that is never coming out of that shag carpeting. If you’ve had enough of the speedrun of western democracy, allow yourself some self-care and design your own bitchin’ custom van! Just fill out this form below, decorate your van to best express your innermost self or lure a specific type of drifter, and send it to us!
But wait! There’s more! That’s only the beginner’s competition. In every previous year of the Hot Dog Custom Van Contest, some lunatic has gone way overboard and built an actual, physical van to submit. There’s nothing we want to reward more than lunacy, so this year we’re announcing a second contest! It’s called…
“Oh, I know how to do that,” you’re saying, “me and the kids just find a weaker man with a sweeter van!”
No! That may be the unspoken rule of van succession, but we’re talking about a cute modelling competition. Just like all the best franchises when they run out of ideas, we’re going 3-D!
If you have a knack for crafts, a suspicious amount of free time, and an even more suspicious love of vanning, just click here to download the custom van model templates!
Fill out the text portions of the normal contest form as usual, then send us pictures of your bitchin’ custom van models. The winner of the 2-D contest will receive the praise and admiration of their peers. Which is worth NOTHING. The winner of the 3-D contest will win an actual, physical prize of incalculable* value!
No matter which contest you enter, just send your efforts to us at [email protected] by 12AM PST on Sunday, 2/9/25 with the subject line: “VAN PARTY!” Winners will be announced on Thursday, 2/13/25, right here on your favorite hot dog themed van website.
This custom van contest is dedicated to the memory of David Lynch.
*Incalculable does not imply positive.