Itâs our first Hot Dog Appreciation Day! This is your day, our dear and noble fans. The day we honor the sacrifices you make (several dollars a month) in honor of a noble cause (keeping us in karate mats; we go through so many!). The day we showcase the contributions you make to greater Hot Doggery. You majestic motherfuckers can be informative, hilarious, and you know what? Downright erotic. You knew what you were doing when you put on that mustache. And that T-shirt that said âMustache Rides 50 Cents.â And then that little fanny pack full of quarters so you could make proper change. Donât pretend like you got dressed in the dark, you foxy little sex-carnies.
Onward, to you!
The Discord:
You guys nagged and nagged us to start a sports channel, and whatâs the first thing you do when we cave?
You talk about Blaseball, the supernatural nerd version of fantasy baseball — which was already for nerds too nerdy for baseball! You dorks are the best.
Brockway needed some help plugging a book because he forgot people donât read those anymore. Here was your answer:
It didnât help sell any books, but watch for our new existential horror porn sister site: Thus Came ZaraTHRUSTra.
The Nerding Day about Ultimate Tag inspired our new favorite superhero:
While the Fucking Day on 101 Ways to Get and Keep His Attention led to the sexiest kind of blasphemy: The animal-fucking kind.
The Hot Dog Tipline:
We ran one article about the most unsettling Wish products back when the site first started, and youâve been sending them to us ever since. Please donât stop. Weâre not planning on using them for anything nefarious, we just like them. Weâre not buying all of them and then plugging them into one another, slowly building a giant Wish tower to pierce the heavens so we can kill God. We just think theyâre neat.
Comments:
Matthew Harris has done it. Heâs cracked the code:
Congratulations, Matthew! Please stay where you are and prepare for obliteration. Your knowledge will be harvested and fed back into the Everything Worm, where it will once more be digested, scrambled, and shat out into pop culture until some unlucky soul pieces it together again.
Anthony read Karate for Snakes and also solved a minor mystery of the universe:
But he wonât be destroyed. Heâll just never watch Hard Target the same way again. Thatâs punishment enough.
Our commenters are already nailing down next yearâs community-wide event:
And some of these eagle-eyed readers have sussed out the siteâs lesser secrets, too:
No, not that we simp for the moon — thatâs no secret — SlappyMeats figured out that sometimes our days bleed together, almost like theyâre an arbitrary construct. A metaphorical bun only here to hold hot sloppy comedy.
Some say Seanbabyâs 3,000 word epic about assfucking was too much. But we say if we can reach one soul — just one lost soul out there in the cold and windy tundra looking for guidance — then this was all worth it.
Itâs been a highly competitive few weeks here on the Hot Dog, and in a sense, weâre all winners because you folks have come together to make a magical space on the internet where comedy can thrive, free of sketchy ad networks and SEO ferrets. But in another, even realer sense, there is an actual winner and itâs Jakesy35 for teaching us that anything can masturbate, even — especially — the metaphorical absence of humanity.
Congratulations, Jakesy35! That means you get to hold onto this picture of Prince for the next two weeks. God help you if you lose it, itâs the greatest art mankind has ever produced:
You folks are, as always, the best. And if anybody ever questions that, you come tell us. One of us will crouch down behind their knees while the other pushes them and says something cool like âhave a nice FALL,â or âwelcome to GROUNDTOWN, where our chief import is YOUR BUTT.â