This should be a retrospective of all of our Fucking Days and the interesting and frightening ways they have penetrated you, but Seanbaby just did that for the last Reflecting Day. But if you think about it, fucking is basically just really good teamwork. So this is Teamworking Day. Wait, no it’s Tagteamworking Day — the day where Seanbaby and Brockway rail you from both ends (with jokes! Some penis!) As a sort of liability babygate to keep out the weak of mind and body, these are usually locked behind the Hot Dog Hero tier. But it’s the holidays: Not only the most festive time of year, but also the one with the highest death count. It’s a good time to party or slip in a murder. Let’s do both! That’s right: All of this year’s Teamworking Days are now free! It’s Tagteamworking Day! Get fucked! (In the nice way!)
Brockway: Oh. Oh no. I know that face. I know that face so well. That’s the ‘something in this room knows what the inside of my ass looks like, and you can’t leave until you guess with your tongue’ face.
Seanbaby: You’re acting like you’d hate that, but Killer Kong sort of has nice titties.
Seanbaby: I worry things are getting a little too hot here, so let’s cool them off with Snake Roy, who is the worst of both of those words. Roy looks like he and the python eating him died at the same time and there was some kind of a ghost mistake. But whatever it is, there’s a good chance we are looking at its anus. On dating profiles, Snake Roy describes himself as, “I look like someone dropped their wedding ring in an outhouse, but I’m also a fat fucking snake from the back of the head down. 2 inches uncut, forked”
Brockway: Snake Roy is an atrocity of human imagination. He’s why LeVar Burton had to start telling children “almost everybody can be creative!” From his squat nose to his mossy patches to his snake scales made out of dry human skin, I have to hate every part of Snake Roy individually because I just don’t have enough hate in me to hate him as a cohesive whole.
Seanbaby: The cops hit a pedestrian and crashed their police van right into Silent Hill. There are spooky villagers, a plague of frogs, and meat totems hang from every single everything. It’d be a dangerous situation for anyone, but our guys whimper shit like, “You bust our balls, we’ll rip your ball!” into the night when nearby shadows rustle. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen any movie characters more doomed than these chicken fuckers.
Brockway: Honestly, we’ve spent so long exploring the shameless sexuality of proud Turkish perverts that I had completely forgotten this was a horror film. We have to acknowledge the possibility now that this was all intentional: A filmmaking technique meant to overwhelm the senses with such insane nothingness that you forget where you are, what you’re doing, who you’ve become. Now the audience will accept the sudden, unexplained existence of another world without question. It’s like being trapped in a yurt for fourteen years, with only a goat molester and a radio that plays Mongolia’s greatest hits from 1972 to keep you company, then emerging, blinking at the light, stunned at the sky, to find a world of flying cars and plant-people. “Is this what life was?” You will throat sing, to no one in particular. “Is it the world that changed, or I?” You will bleat, and none will answer you, for none share your unique language — not since Yogritz passed away six left-part-of-a-goat-vaginas ago.
Brockway: Fucking only Amazing-Man would bring a knife to an aerial balloon fight. Hahaha is that lady in the background also shooting at them? Amazing-Man is a devout Catholic trying to get away with suicide on a superhero technicality.
Seanbaby: You can’t get into Heaven if you’re killed by the penis a balloon pirate tore off a gorilla. It’s not a rule on the books, but it’s like how they can kick you out of a Sizzler for tearing the penis off a gorilla even if there’s not a sign.
Seanbaby: I would have never guessed from the first 40 minutes that this is the best movie ever made. This is like an ape falling backwards into a snowblower and spraying Matisse’s The Dessert: Harmony in Red onto your driveway.
Brockway: It is a beautiful shame. Like a Juggalo ballerina.
Brockway: So many people were writing in to Marvel demanding that Black Panther have more tits. This had to happen. It’s simply filling a gap in the market. Hey speaking of filling gaps: Chuck Austen felt the need to specify that, if Black Panther were female, he would lick his own pussy.
Seanbaby: I love a good reference to jokes that don’t exist, but might in a different universe! Oh, and lets add “cat tongues” and “the human clitoris” to the list of things Chuck doesn’t understand, I guess.