Upsetting Day: 277 Secrets Your Cat Wants You to Know

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6 replies on “Upsetting Day: 277 Secrets Your Cat Wants You to Know”

Are we just going to blow right past the “interesting gift” line of the Kitty Kondoms bit? I turned on every layer of internet protection I have and searched for such a product, and I can confirm, it does not exist. So that means that this escaped mental patient riffed on her own fantasy of a cat prophylactic, which led to her dreaming of gifting it to someone and also provided fictional advice to that hypothetical person in how to apply a condom to a cat? Giving a cat condom to someone is the weirdest signaling I have ever heard of. How would you interpret that? “I know your cat fucks all the time, so I got him a little something to keep him safe?”

I think the Church of Scientology might have had some good points on this one.

Oh my god, another level of shithouse crazy is that they spent a quarter of this book on surveys comparing the inadequacies of spouses to the superiority of house pets – are Kitty Kondom gifts the Pauls way of wink-winking their housewife friends? Like “hey, we got these for your cat because we know he’ll get more use out of them than your husband amirite?” There’s a whole vortex of sadism behind giving a gift like that I can’t even process yet.

She confirmed that they don’t work. With an air of expertise and the total confidence that can only come from extensive testing, she started as a fact that kondoms don’t work. She can confirm, presumable from her own experience, that kondoms provide neither protection from unwanted kittens nor prevents the transmission of klamydia.

Think of the hundreds of experiments it would take to determine, experimentally, that Kitty Kondoms don’t work. You’d have to DOE it against unwanted pregnancy, the transmission of a whole panel of feline STDs, feline HIV, all using what must be handcrafted models since they aren’t commercially available. The Pauls have been conducting inhumane feline test for a decade to arrive at this conclusion.

And then, if they have confirmed entirely they don’t work, THEN WHY IS IT AN INTERESTING GIFT. That means they’re deliberately fucking with their friends, giving their cats jimmy hats that don’t work when they know they don’t want kittens.

I like to think this isn’t just wanting to write terrible books, but also its own form of revenge against the church of scientology. After going after her for so long, you just know they have people keeping tabs on what she’s writing. If she can get paid, and emit so much crazy gibberish and nightmare drawings that her persecutors are themselves driven mad, all the more power to her.

After learning that Paulette brought kitty kondoms to the page, I find myself, for the first time in my life, thinking “maybe the Scientologists had a point…”

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