Today’s Dogg Zzone 9000 is a very special championship battle of wits and knowledge! Sean and Brockway are joined by Creature Feature‘s animal expert, Katie Goldin, who takes on Brockway in Seanbaby’s Golden Age Animal Super Power Creature Feature Super Quiz.
Will Katie’s deep knowledge of animal science help her deduce the powers and origins of 80-year-old animal-themed comic book characters? Or will Brockway’s dealings with Seanbaby help him distinguish between real and fabricated insanity? It’s anybody’s game!
And if you’d like to play along at home, here are all the questions:
1: In the last 80 years, there have been four crime fighters named The Ferret. Which of these is NOT one of them?
A. A contortionist who can stick to walls.
B. A superstrong police commissioner who flies and wears a furry mask.
C. A private detective with a bulletproof vest and a ferret named Nosie.
D. A feral man in an orange and green suit with claws.
2: Which of these is the true origin story of Congorilla?
A. After escaping a massacre, Congorilla vowed to destroy the poachers who killed her family.
B. To escape a cave-in, Congo Bill rubbed a magic ring to switch bodies with the legendary gold gorilla.
C. To defeat aliens, a scientist used a time potion to reverse his evolution to a state of powerful gorilla.
D. M’Pumpu was blessed with gorilla magic by Congo gods after winning a jungle obstacle course.
3: American Eagle is a crime fighter with the “fighting qualities of America’s national bird.” How did he get his powers?
A. He fucking loves his country.
B. A soldier was brought back to life by his squadmate’s Navajo magic.
C. A scientist was exposed to a black ray infused with eagle blood.
D. He pricks his skin with an enchanted eagle feather.
4: “A longtime enemy of Batman, what are Killer Moth’s powers?
A. A cocoon gun and razor-sonar waves.
B. He asked a demon to turn him into an egg-laying moth monster.
C. A flying suit.
D. All of the above.
5: He’s just a great guy with a turtle cape, but what did they add to The Green Turtle decades later?
A. An impenetrable armored suit with biting mechanical mask.
B. A shadowy spirit of the turtle that keeps him from getting shot.
C. The ability to briefly slow time.
D. All of the above.
6: This question is about the Golden Age’s Black Widow, not the Avenger. What was this psychic’s real name, and after she was murdered, what was her job?
A. Betty Black, Spirit Cop
B. Misty Dreams, Vampire Spysmasher
C. Claire Voyant, Satan’s ambassador on Earth
D. Maxine Arcana, Ghost Detective
7: In the last 80 years, there have been four crime fighters named Black Condor. Which of these is the fake origin story?
A. An archaeologist’s baby raised by a condor who learned to fly by watching them.
B. An archaeologist’s baby who learned to fly by exposure to a radioactive meteor.
C. A man given flight and control of the wind by a Mayan spider goddess.
D. An army captain who stole a flying suit from a werewolf Nazi scientist.
8: Who is The Red Bee!?
A. A woman trained in insect kung fu by a Chinese sorcerer named Ah Choo.
B. A boy with trained bees including his favorite, Michael, who he keeps in his belt buckle.
C. A man-shaped swarm of Nazi bees.
D. A shrinking scientist who dies and gets reborn whenever he shoots his Red Sting Blast.
9: A deadly enemy of Spider Widow, how would you describe 1943’s Spider Man?
A. A shadowy masked figure with eight fingers on each hand.
B. A guy in a tarantula mask and furry diaper riding a robot spider.
C. A socialite who controls a web of criminals.
D. A spider centaur.
10: Playboy Tom Hallaway hates seeing criminals get their own way. So he became The Spider! What are his abilities?
A. A bow with frisbee arrows.
B. He can spit sticky webs from his mouth.
C. A magic vest with four extra arms.
D. He can make criminals see spiders.
11: Spider Widow is a bored, wealthy athlete who can _____. She wears _____. She calls herself the ____ of terror.
A. Hypnotize men. Roller skates. Webspinner.
B. Paralyze her enemies. A silk nightie. Scourge.
C. Control spiders. A witch costume. Grandmother.
D. See in the dark. A bikini and cape. Arachna-madame.
12: Okay, he’s been an enemy of The Flash for 76 years. What can The Turtle do?
A. He reduces the velocity of any object.
B. He is invulnerable.
C. His tortoise metabolism has allowed him to live for thousands of years.
D. He’s just very slow.
13: What are the two events that transformed an ordinary dog into Rex the Wonder Dog?
A. Super soldier serum and taken to the fountain of youth by a chimpanzee.
B. The death of his parents and owner.
C. A wish made by a special boy and that special boy falling through a magic portal.
D. A future destroyed by Nazi cat men and a desperate scientist’s time machine.
14: Predating the Lizard who fought Spider-Man by about twenty years, what could the first Lizard do?
A. He could match his green battle harness to his green battle panties and green grappling gun.
B. He could shed his skin and take on any new form, including the vice president of America, Harry S Truman!
C. He had an asbestos lizard costume and he threatened to burn people’s houses down with magic salamanders for money.
D. He was a strong reptilian creature with a grabby tongue and regeneration powers.
15: Tiger Shark wears a striped diving costume and designed the very device Batman used to capture him. What was it?
A. The Bat-Sub.
B. The Sub-Batmarine
C. The Bat-Fishing Net
D. The Sonic Bat Charge
16: There were three gorilla men who held the name Gorilla Man. Which one of these is NOT a real Gorilla Man origin?
A. A man afraid of death went to Africa to kill Gorilla Man to become the immortal gorilla man, who is just a gorilla.
B. A scientist put his brain in a gorilla.
C. A doctor stole organs from gorillas to put in people, but the gorillas got revenge and surgically put his head on a gorilla.
D. A trained gorilla in a tuxedo.
17: A man with no powers in a green mask who ran a kidnapping gang, what was Green Lizard’s actual day job?
B. Police Chief
18: Without mistaking him for the much more well-known Batman villain, explain Firefly to me.
A. He’s an entomologist who trained to use his muscles like insects to get super strength.
B. He’s a good fighter with a cape of pure, blinding light.
C. Fuck you, I won’t.
D. She’s a circus acrobat who inhaled swamp gas and gained mental powers.
19: The Owl (1940) uses these two things to fight crime, and his sidekick is _____:
A. Steel claws and bulletproof wings. Junior Detective Speed Stone, the Barnstormer.
B. Messages encoded in horoscopes and punching. Teen quizmaster Dick Olsen: Owl Boy.
C. Gliding cape and darkness beam. Newspaper reporter Belle Wayne: Owl Girl.
D. Boot talons and a noise-dampening belt. Hootie the Dynamo Owl.
20: The Night Owl uses these two things to cause crime and he looks like a _____:
A. Night vision and darkness beam. Total bird-headed asshole.
B. Messages encoded in horoscopes and steel claws. Total bird-headed asshole.
C. Hypnosis and regular gun. Total bird-headed asshole.
D. Robot owl and Gyrocopter. Total bird-headed asshole.
21: What were the amazing abilities of the crime boss, The Queen of Ants?
A. She could hypnotize evil men.
B. She controls an army of ants.
C. She can lift 40 times her own weight and squirt acid from her head.
D. All of the above.
22: Armless Tiger Man. Who is he!?
A. A crimefighter with mechanical arms who lost his first set to a tiger.
B. A trapeze artist with sharpened teeth, and no arms. But he’s good with his legs.
C. A man who traded his arms for the power of tiger.
D. I made this one up.
23: You have exactly twelve words to describe The Moth. Go.
A. A racketeer who uses a moth costume to I’m out of words.
B. A bug exterminator who gained the ability to spray various chemical dusts.
C. He can sort of fly and I don’t need any more words.
D. He steals silk to sell to the government and throws explosive cards.
24: A scientist who adds animal heads to people turned him into the superstrong, superfast Panther Man! What was his name before that?
A. Congo Bill
B. “Jumpin'” Jack Jenkins
C. Klaw (with a K)
D. Before the transformation, Panther Man was a she, and her name was Katya Black.
25: A last minute replacement story accompanied by an apology, the half man/half fish villain, Mr. Fish, uses what weapon and catchphrase?
A. Sonic Rifle and “YOU’RE ON MY HOOK NOW!”
B. Gadget Trident and “BY THE BLACK DEPTHS, MR. FISH SHALL DESTROY YOU!”
C. Harpoon Gun and “TIME FOR A SEA BURIAL!”
D. Heat Ray and “NOBODY LAUGHS AT MR. FISH!”
26: An enemy of the mighty Airwave… who was… The Parrot!?
A. An evil impressionist in a bird costume.
B. A flamboyant dresser who could bite through anything.
C. A flying bird wrangler who turned to crime.
D. The alter ego of a corrupt police chief with flesh-rending talons.
27: The enemy of Captain Triumph, who was the Porcupine!?
A. Two little people twin brothers operating a mechanical porcupine suit.
B. A former boxer with spiked gloves and a spiky truck with spiked tires.
C. A prickly shut-in old lady who hunts and robs door-to-door salesmen with a needle gun.
D. A man with quills for hair in a quilled suit who shoots quills and kills anyone who figures out he’s the Porcupine.
28: The Scorpion, whose name his arch-enemy didn’t bother learning, was a terrorist with no powers in green wizard robes who died in his first appearance. What were his last words?
A. “Blackhawk has switched bombs! No! NO!!!”
B. “It can’t end like this! All my plans! I’ve got to… EEEEE!”
C. “The Scorpion’s final sting! The Scorpion’s final triumph!”
D. “Fuck your racist soul, Blackhawk! You kill like a bitch!”
29: What are the two most notable things about the criminal, Octopus!
A. He never forgets and he owns a gun.
B. The beak on his chest and the tentacles on his back.
C. A green head and a gun that shoots black clouds.
D. His ability to fit in a trunk, and the goon who carries him around in it, The Squid.
The day has finally arrived: You can buy Popsicle Pete merch.
Just remember he works on Tulpa rules: The more people wear his image, the more real he becomes.