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UPSETTING DAY

Upsetting Day: ANGELIC DEFENDERS & DEMONIC ABUSERS 🌭

Kerth Barker is an author who survived a childhood of Satanic Nazi mind control cannibals to sort of “expose” them. Today, we’re going to read his “real” life story re-published just two years ago, ANGELIC DEFENDERS & DEMONIC ABUSERS. It’s going to be troubling! Stupid! Seriously, it’s Upsetting Day at 1900🌭, which is probably content warning enough, but this maniac makes a lot of poorly worded and casual references to torture and abuse. He obviously made all this up, but I’m not sure that makes it less disturbing.

This is Kerth’s fifth self-published book to “take down” the all-powerful murderous global pedophile rings who keep letting their child prisoners grow up to write books. He seems to know that sounds suspicious, and the reviews of the book’s first edition were mostly “lol look at this nutbag one star” so the intro in this second printing is pretty defensive.

When you back up your claims by saying “Jimmy Carter acknowledges bad things happen and also Alex Jones exists,” that’s not exactly proof. Citing Alex Jones is how you tell a normal person, “my brain is broken in a way you’re going to find frustrating.”

Kerth also brings up “the 2016 Pizzagate scandal” which was a bunch of confused people deciding a pizzeria without a basement had a Democrat sex dungeon. It resulted in no scandal and one madman shooting a gun at non-pedophiles. So that’s the kind of person Kerth is. He can witness the embarrassing, tragic, violent consequences of inventing stories of child abuse and not only take no lesson from it, but use it as proof for his invented stories of child abuse.

Anyway, Kerth grew up next door to a woman named Shotzy, who was a witch Nazi brought to the U.S. after World War II and trained by the CIA in mind control.

I don’t get why you’d go through all the trouble of giving a Nazi mind powers only to let her move to a small town in Oklahoma and hang out with a little kid. Kerth could have made up any story he wanted, and he had the government turn actual magic Nazis into bioweapons so they could molest one special little boy for no profit or reason, far away from their interests. And what a miracle of idiocy for Kerth to name his Nazi character “Shotzy.” It’s like something a cartoon dad would blurt out if his wife heard him resurrecting Hitler and asked who he was talking to. Guys, he named the Nazi “Shotzy.” And speaking of names, what the fuck is a “Kerth?” It sounds like Madea answering a phone call from Keith Sweat.

So Shotzy the Nazi trained baby Kerth to be a Wehrmacht superman. Like all supersoldier training, this was done by going next door and convincing your neighbors not to breastfeed. The second step of the training is leaving infants alone. The third is hitting babies in the face when you can’t figure out why they’re crying. If there was a fourth step, it was not included in this part-time, amateur-trained Wehrmacht superman’s book.

Kerth doesn’t explain how he remembers being slapped in the face as a baby, but the Satanic mind control Nazi could have told him about it when he was older. The point is, new mothers, if you want a strong baby, give it to the nearest baby-punching Nazi with bold opinions about breast milk.

Kerth’s town was nice before a Satanist moved in and started selling photos of the local sleeping boys. And Kerth was such a beautiful sleeping boy Satanists carried pictures of him around with them for years. Former President Jimmy Carter can back him up on this.

Kerth needs to back up a little bit. I’m not sure if he forgot or if he’s a non-linear storyteller, but before he found out these Satanists were taking pictures of him sleeping, they were sexually assaulting him in broad daylight.

One thing about Kerth is how he puts a positive spin on his fake victim stories. When he was neglected as a baby, that was actually to make him a super soldier. And when he was abused, it was because he was so irresistable a devil worshipper revealed their entire secret cult to do it, and oh my god, you should have seen the other Satanist pedophiles. They were so jealous.

Kerth brags a lot about how much the imaginary pedophiles were into him, a sentence that would make someone say, “I’m Michael Jordan, six-time NBA champion, and that’s better at being sad than I am at basketball.” I want to skip past some of it since I bet you’re curious how the CIA trained Kerth’s Nazi neighbor to control human minds. You need three things: witch powers, a very unkillable cat, and a teddy bear. You actually might want to skip this part– Kerth made up some really dark shit here:

Yikes. It’s clear something bad happened in Kerth’s life that would allow him to be like this. But I appreciate how he gave the ritual cat a name as fake as “Mr. Whiskers” to help reassure us it was definitely not this. Still, let’s see how the teddy bear saga plays out now that Kerth’s soul is trapped inside.

I’m not sure Nazi mind control is an exact science, but Kerth’s soul got kicked out of the teddy bear by a demon god named Faunus with a massively expanding erection. Kerth couldn’t even understand what a “giant erect penis” was! This added some dramatic detail to the story, but it’s hard to believe, since by his own claims he’s been expertly pleasuring giant erect penises in the service of his local Satanic cult for years. I guess my point is, Kerth is such a bad liar he can’t even get believably confused by a teddy bear’s gigantic demon boner.

Look, I’m not an expert on Satanic mind control, but if a horny teddy bear stares at you, nothing else happens, and you turn into a Nazi, you might have already been a Nazi. Hold on, let me present that in a more fun way.

Kerth went on to be a very successful small town child prostitute both as himself and as his female personality, “Kathy.” And, god, this is so embarrassing, but all the Satanic pedophiles were, like, so obsessed with his pee pee.

I’m still waiting on an email from our standards department to find out if this joke is okay, but maybe this busted ass, unlikeable liar was hotter when he was nine?

When someone completely fabricates a story, it can be inadvertently revealing about the storyteller. Like, for instance, if you imagine a fake childhood and everyone in it is obsessed with pee pees, that’s not the Devil. That’s your thing, Kerth. Watch, I’ll show you:

Kerth, you couldn’t get through two paragraphs of a demon-summoning animal sacrifice without talking about penises and talking more about penises. And Kerth, when you were telling your readers about the time you were such a good child sex slave the Baron of your local Satanism chapter gave you a house? You actually never finished that story because you started going off about gross penises and servicing gross penises.

It’s nice to remind ourselves none of this ever happened, but Kerth and a friendly Satanist named Bob continued their successful careers as cross-dressing rural Oklahoma sex workers. But wait, some of the stories are fun! Like in this one where a dubious camera setup recorded him pretending to be the son of a pedophile who wasn’t quite ready to become a Satanist. They used that footage to convince him to fully convert to Satanism! Ha ha what a prank!

I bet the best and worst part about being just stupid as shit is how you can’t distinguish between the possible and nonsense. For example, Kerth made up a story about two incestuous Illuminati lesbian pedophile sisters who owned a secret library of spell books and child pornography and he jumps right into it as if there was no reason to doubt it.

That’s not a conceivable story. Those are talk show guests on an overworked ’90s SNL sketch. And, oh, it’s so embarrassing for Kerth to bring this up, but those wealthy, talented lesbians happened to be huge fans of his child pornography work! Why did this keep happening to him?

Again, with unlimited possibilities, the fantasy life Kerth created for himself was Forrest Gumping through a Satanic society and accidentally stumbling into greatness through a natural talent he doesn’t quite understand. His pee pee was simply so alluring he accidentally became the most famous, accomplished child prostitute in all the land. In fact, the only act of agency he made in his entire life’s story came when he stuck his foot in a lawn mower to get out of a promotion:

If Kerth is to be believed, and I can’t imagine why anyone would doubt him, he chopped his own toes off to avoid an initiation into the upper management of the world’s most powerful secret cabal. Say what you want about Satanic sex trafficking, it has a lot of career mobility if you’re willing to keep both feet attached to your legs. Unfortunately, even footless, Kerth could not escape his destiny of being the most important and special boy in all the land of make-believe:

James was a psychic warrior who recruited Kerth, now usually known as “Kathy,” to be a member of a rebel alliance opposing the Society of Lucifer. When he had all his toes he serviced their crooked, uncircumcised penises. Now, the remaining 95% of him would service only justice.

Wait, never mind. They never do a single mission. The rest of this book is about his therapists, The Fabians, whose unorthodox methods helped him unblock all these vivid, detailed memor– wait, never mind again. They were murdered by The Committee.

Kerth doesn’t give any more details about The Fabians’ murder and The Committee made sure to erase all trace of them. Well, you know, except all the ones in this book. You can’t expect a team of highly organized murderers to keep track of every child prostitute almost promoted to vice-Baron until a lawn mower accident led them to join a resistance army, whose famous pee pee is still brought up quite often.

You know, I think this horse is officially dead, but before we go, I want to share my favorite passage from ANGELIC DEFENDERS & DEMONIC ABUSERS.

Of all the hilariously insane self-important nonsense this moron invented for himself, this one captures his stupidity the best. You have to know so little about so many things to think this makes sense. His psychic friend sensed it was a safe time to take him bow hunting, so he gets dragged into the woods and they instantly bumble into a deer. It wanders off to die in the exact center of a group of anti-Satan woodland commandos who had been waiting there all day to emerge from the shadows and tell “Kathy” his name is actually cool and they all listen to his conspiracy podcast. It’s breathtaking. It’s the Ready Player One of personality disorders. He created an entire fictional world so he could brag about a thing he sucks at to people who don’t exist. I would have more respect for Kathy if this book was 60,000 words explaining how if fucking a puppet was an Olympic event, he could almost get the bronze.

You don’t need me to fact check a story this absurd, but Kerth’s YouTube channel has 241 subscribers. He has the political influence of an unpopular child at a medium-sized high school. The idea that 13 of those 241 viewers also happen to be knife ninjas invisible to deer? I mean, you’re looking at less than a 36% chance.

You might be wondering, “Won’t the Committee eventually get angry with Kathy for revealing so many of their secrets? Didn’t he sign some kind of NDA as a young boy prostitute?” Excellent point. Like all secret societies, they keep a record of all sex slave files and contracts. But wait until you see how Kathy defeated them with their own paperwork.

The world-famous prostitute who did every single thing every Nazi and Satanist told him to do until a lawnmower accident doesn’t play by your rules, Committee. He didn’t sign that nondisclosure agreement with “Kerth” or “Kathy.” He signed it, “Fuck You.” Check and Mate, Luciferian sex traffic murderers.


This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme, Adam Ruth: who once got into a certain high-stakes contest with Satanic Lord Faunus whose details we won’t discuss but anyway, he can fly now.

9 replies on “Upsetting Day: ANGELIC DEFENDERS & DEMONIC ABUSERS 🌭”

My favorite part about this story, and all stories like it, is how you can TELL that it’s true by the fact that the shadowy group who is well known (according to said story) to murder dissidents in order to silence them not only allow him to live, but they allow him to release his tale and all of it’s total non-fiction! I give this book a B+ out of Batman Symbol.

Pfft, didn’t you read? They forgot all about him by 2000! Scientologists, these folks are not. Can’t even keep track of the kid with the Golden Peen!

Holy fucking this, thank you for bringing this insanity to me. It really helped get me out of a shitty mood.

Like dick fight island with gay, I can only say I am shocked that this isn’t the most upsetting thing on the site.

Also, wasn’t Kid Rock’s diner upsetting day? Every day can’t be upsetting day guys.

Nooo! My soul can’t take it!

…oh well, I already gave you $5, I guess my soul’s just gonna have to take one for the team. Again.

Let’s be honest. Every day is Upsetting Day. It’s why we’re hotdoggers.

Being a survivor of Satanic abuse is like stolen valor. It’s never the mook who shows up early to stock the snack table with consecrated Hosts and goat’s blood punch; no, it’s a former Grand Cockalorum who ran sabbats for the entire tri-state area.

Or, in this case, the most popular and sought-after preteen penis puppet in town.

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