Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that Brockway names all his pets after Seanbaby, and Seanbaby names all his jumpkicks after Brockway. But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!
First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where everyone’s favorite gas station burrito of a man discussed the tender art of a teenager’s porn collection — hold on. Surely there’s a better way to type that sentence: The tender art of teen por- nope. Tender teenage art po- nope. Stickin’ with the first!
Art porn teens and mule fights — that’s what Sissyneck did this month!
Let’s bail on these porno art teens and their vicious asses and escape to The Comments where…
Dean Costello writes the marketing tagline for the Dogg Zzone 9000’s Conan mini-series.
Otep72 easily solves — infuriatingly easily solves the mystery that has plagued Jason Pargin for his entire adult life: The motivations of the mysterious Horse Dick Kicker.
Chris W. spotted the impossible – an unmocked flaw in Rob Liefeld’s art! The most mocked art! It’s like spotting an unanalyzed carpet in a Kubrick film!
Stephanie Reinheimer drops some actual nun knowledge on the 1900🌭 community, so full of nun rumor and nun speculation.
And Nathaniel brings back a Hot Dog Deep Cut-
Now it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new ape Gellaho wrangled for us this month!
The site discovered a dangerous new enemy this month: Ourselves, from another dimension.
We just looked into it: 1800HOTDUCK started first. To the surprise of no one — we’re the evil doppelganger!
Untubed Meat, our special Discord channel just for Hot Dog Appreciators and above, have dedicated themselves to mining Heathcliff lore and every fucking day is a gold rush.
BRING BACK THE BITCH OF BINGH KAN ignited the imaginations of many a Hot Dogger, and who could blame them? BRING BACK THE BITCH OF BINGH KAN is a mystery that demands to be solved. BRING BACK THE BITCH OF BINGH KAN is also a direct threat, a political affiliation, and somehow a sweet sentiment to work into your wedding vows. BRING BACK THE BITCH OF BINGH KAN does it all!
ProseAndKahn is jumping the gun a little bit. Everyone knew we were going to pivot to cult eventually, but you gotta slowplay it!
K-Marx has an intriguing theory about Liberaland, the leftist hellscape that torments children’s dreams from Seanbaby’s piece on Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed!
And a very suspicious username for this topic!
It is the official stance of 1900🌭 that Elon Musk sucks and everything he does is based around trying to convince people he doesn’t suck, because he knows he definitely does suck.
The Hot Dog Headquarters (stolen Oscar Wienermobile half-submerged in swamp) is absolutely infested with Ninjas. Here’s a hot tip: Diatomaceous Earth! It works on everything!
GreCONK dares to tread where cowards flee: The intersection of Conan and Heathcliff.
Okay obviously we need to zoom in on this:
It was such a good idea he tried it twice…
And succeeded both times!
Doing something well two times in a row is not a great joke setup, but the motherfucker just straight pulled this off. No notes.
Hell yes, you need another zoom…
It was an artistically rich month of Hot Doggery, with our very own Phantom of the Opera-style Art Recluse Will Black swinging down from the rafters to ambush us all with this amazing piece inspired by Lydia’s column on craft store tarot cults:
CONK of the WONK somehow managed to slip 1900🌭 into the news by celebrating the anniversary of Traxx! Obviously the mere mention of our name completely derailed the entire segment. Obviously.
Ain’t nobody gonna beat ‘sabotaging local TV news for Hot Doggery’ so congratulations, CONK of the WONK! You’re our winner! You take possession of-
Actually, at this point, we think the Prince painting takes possession of you.
We didn’t get it last month. We didn’t understand what changed with the Prince painting, and why it left us sleepless for six nights in dread of a mystery we could not define. But we get it now. We know what’s happening, and god help us. God help us all when those kneepads slip into our reality.
Oh right, also our previous winner Gellaho was found dead under mysterious circumstances and the coroner’s report mentioned “reaming” to “beyond death” from “something like a testicular dildo – but surely that cannot exist???” but that was basically a given.
You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll Balldo them. No games, no cute jokes. Straight up fucking Balldo them into the dirt.