Today on the Dogg Zzone 9000 we’re talking with Portland hot sauce magnate Dirk Marshall, grown corpulent and prideful from his position atop the cascadian chili pepper oligarchy. Look at him, on his palanquin drawn by spice-crazed children. His corruption can only be stopped by divine justice or assassination.
We might be a little bitter because Dirk has the nerve, the absolute gall to run the VHUS Podcast, where he finds even more cursed artifacts than we do. The difference is his premise is finding folks who work in the jobs shown in these bizarre movies, and our premise is nothing.
For example, if the VHUS podcast covered the movie Eliminators, Dirk would find a mournful mandroid to discuss what it’s like living as a mockery of everything you were. Whereas we actually are talking about Eliminators this week, and we mostly giggle about the ninja.
Eliminators is a perfect movie by virtue of being the best parts of every other movie. Nobody said that means it’s a good movie. If you build a Frankenstein with Chris Hemsworth’s biceps, Pedro Pascal’s voice, Timothee Chalamet’s eyes, Christina Hendricks’ tits, Van Damme’s ass, Willam Dafoe’s dong, and Beyonce’s legs, I’d still fuck it – but I’d have to act fast before God struck it down with earthquakes and wildfire.
That analogy started in a deeply personal place and ended in a VPN-protected incognito browser with 44 tabs open. But you get my point: everything in Eliminators rules, there’s a lot of it, and I don’t know if the monster it made actually whips ass or not because I’m too busy trying to smash it.
ELIMINATORS ROLL CALL!
Sexy scientist!
Cyborg!
Ninja!
Caveman!
Adventurous scallywag!
Wacky robot sidekick!
Fun-loving Berserker Super Hillbilly!
Horny cyborg!
Horny adventurous scallywag!
Horny caveman!
Force lightning wielding time-traveling evil Roman legionary cyborg mad scientist!
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Horny force lightning wielding time-traveling evil Roman legionary cyborg mad scientist!
The Dogg Zzone 9000 is breaking for the holidays after this, because the parts of our brains that register awesomeness have been blown out by ninja fan leaps. We’ll see you in the new year!
Electric dick tickle art by Brett Ellefson
5 replies on “Podcasting Day: Eliminators with Dirk Marshall 🌔
I love that you guys give the wife and I a steady stream of movies and shows to collectively giggle at. Also, enjoy your holidays, and I look forward to a new hotdog year!
It is absolutely shocking to me that there is a Charles Band movie that isn’t on Tubi (or anywhere else except maybe Turner Classic Movies), but it does allow me to smoothly segue into mentioning that Manborg by the Astron-6 crew and it is fucking rad.
Also, I will miss you Podcast til I’m with you (after your hosts enjoy a deserved rest).
As usual I mangled my syntax, but I meant to say that Manborg is on Tubi. There are probably direct Eliminators references in it that I didn’t catch.
Tubi is such a wealth of direct-to-DVD gold. Also Lionheart.
Am psyched to listen to this episode.
Saw this On-Demand from my cable provider about fifteen years ago and have been haunted since by knowing that no Mad Scientist plan can equal that of Dr. Abbot Reeves. Are you a scientist who invented cyborgs and time travel? Welp, better go take over the world as electo-Caesar. Perfect.