Upsetting Day: Charmin’s Toilet Tunes

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4 replies on “Upsetting Day: Charmin’s Toilet Tunes”

I would a thousand per cent believe the creepy-ass, shit-obsessed Berenstxin Bears-estranged, Country Jamboree Bear-feuding Charmin Bear family all occasionally go up to a big ceremonial toilet in the master bathroom and take a daily crunch together like it isn’t even a thing.

“How’s the shitting going, Dylan? Describe the texture!” Mommy Bear asks loud enough that I can hear her through the open bathroom window as I circle their house emptying a gas can. The window takes up much of a wall, because the fucking Bears want us to see everything they do in their, and Mommy clearly hopes someone is listening.

They say you can’t burn down anything in hell cause it’s already too hot but it is the principle of the thing and I obviously have the time to kill.

I’m going to start a home makeover reality show where the only thing we do is install Kenny G toilets. We’ll bring in top-tier interior designers, architects, artisans, and engineers and they’ll all agree that the only thing a house/room/space needs is a Kenny G toilet.

Kinda remind me of a documentary, Bathtub over Broaway, about how there use to be a thriving industry of “infomercial musical”, mostly for seller and business executive.

It so much more classy that whatever those bears tried to do.

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