Not everything has a reason. Sometimes chaos is the answer you choose for a question no one asked. Hi, we had best-selling author Jason Pargin on the show, and to remind everyone about his upcoming book, Zoey is Too Drunk for This Dystopia (which you can pre-order), we played a full Dogg Zzone 9000 episode-length Seanbaby’s Book Game. It’s the beloved game show normally only heard by supporters on our Patreon, but today it’s for everyone. Listen here! Or anywhere you get podcasts!
The rules are simple and the goals are impossible. The players, Brockway and Jason, roll a die to decide their fate. This part they can’t control, and it determines which book Seanbaby opens. Then they choose a number between 1 and 101 to decide their fate again. This part is merely the illusion of control and it determines which terrible thing they get. The object of the game is to land on these real, published pieces of humor/advice and score points when they are useful or fun. Let’s look at the books pulled from the extremely cursed 1900HOTDOG library:
A roll of One leads into 101 Things To Do During a Dull Sermon, a foot fetishist’s guide to getting kicked out of church. Two sends them into 101 Things You Need To Do While You Are a Child, a carelessly assembled series of notes a Polish maniac copied from an article about things to do while you are a child and accidentally translated into death hexes. Rolling a Three opens the book 101 Wacky Computer Jokes, a 1998 grandparent’s best guess at how you make puns about office equipment. A Four unleashes 101 Uses for a Bridesmaid Dress, a 0-note joke shrieking as it’s torn apart across infinite time and space. Five is 101 Ways To Say “I Love You,” an instruction manual for needy retired wives with no hobbies or self-respect. And a jackpot roll of Six gets you 1001 Best Pick-Up Lines by Don Diebel, a series of worst-case scenarios for the women passing as briefly as possible through your life.
In this great game of destiny, will Jason and Brockway find anything useful? Anything fun? These are the stakes! These are the battlegrounds! This is Seanbaby’s Book Game!