Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Don’t worry, you don’t have to get anything for us. We’ve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. That’s the gift you give to us. (It’s always a lie when somebody says you don’t have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)
Zazzle’s William Henry Harrison Gifts
Alex Schmidt is the smart and kind Hot Dogger. Others are smart, others are kind, but not both. He’s like our Bill Nye, and just like Bill Nye, he gets really pissed off when you fuck with his William Henry Harrison swag.
Urge
Without Alex Schmidt, we would have literally no idea what Pierce Brosnan gets up to. That’s not a world we want to live in. Neither is the hip island nightclub hell of Urge.
Interviews with the Crystal Skull
As a knower of actual facts, Alex Schmidt does not appreciate pretend facts like the prophecies of crystal skulls. But he does appreciate the implied relationship drama behind all the crystal skull bullshit. It’s like a soap opera to him.
Sylvester Stallone’s Chaos Pen
This is not an article about a novelty celebrity-branded super pen. This is an article about the trailer for a novelty celebrity-branded super pen.
The Ugly Truckling
Somebody wrote a children’s book about the Cybertruck. Astonishingly, it’s pro-Cybertruck. It might be the only thing that is.