Category: FUCKING DAY
Unlock with Patreon
Categories
Fucking Day: The Maltese Asshole
Categories
Fucking Day: Xtra Naughty Cakes
Everyone has that moment when they realize an experience from their youth they assumed was universal was, instead, unique to their weird household (“Wait, you’re telling me your family didn’t have a Christmas carol called ‘Santa’s Throne of Scrotums’?”). Recently, I was stunned to find out that not everyone had seen the raunchy 1986 sex comedy Hamburger: The Motion Picture dozens of times, and that, unlike me, they couldn’t quote large sections of it verbatum. In fact, only 9% of my Twitter followers have seen it, unless they just didn’t want to feed a social media platform one more shameful secret:
To put that into perspective, this means that of the nine members of the Supreme Court, it’s statistically possible that not one of them have seen the raunchy 1986 sex comedy Hamburger: The Motion Picture. In an average NBA game, probably only one player on the floor has seen it (Klay Thompson). The next time you watch the movie 300, think about how only 27 of the Spartans had seen the raunchy 1986 sex comedy Hamburger: The Motion Picture prior to their glorious deaths.
As with most things, the modern media landscape is to blame: In my youth, our TV had something like six channels and outside of prime time, most of the programming was game shows and wildlife documentaries (and after midnight, they literally just went off the air). There was no method of buying or renting content — this was before we even owned a machine to play VHS tapes. But at some point, my parents sprang for HBO and it was fucking miraculous: A 24-hour network that just played movies all the time. “This,” I remember thinking, “is the beginning of a life spent gorging on so much media that I’ll have severed all ability to communicate with real human beings by the time I’m old enough to drink.”
Looking back, I should have noticed HBO wasn’t nonstop The Godfather and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Like Netflix today, their business model involved filling out their library with trash they’d bought for a song. As a result, when I was in middle school approximately 20% of their schedule was Hamburger: The Motion Picture.
This is what mass media used to be like, kids: You had no control, you just waited with your mouth open for the universe to dribble in something good. Thus, any time you turned on the TV, there was a pretty good chance you’d see a slapstick scene involving a man being raped at gunpoint on a huge novelty hamburger bed.
That was Hamburger: The Motion Picture in a nutshell and I loved it! I didn’t know any better! When you’re twelve and a media conglomerate is feeding you content on a loop, you just assume there must be some reason for it. This film has a wacky scene in a Chinese restaurant where their menu includes dishes like, “Gang Bang Fu”, “Sesame Chicken Balls”, “Wung Hung Lo” and “Mao Tse-tung.” “This is real comedy for adults!” I would say out loud to my best friend, Nobody. “They wouldn’t show it so much if they weren’t proud of it!”
Today, you won’t find this film on any streaming service and, in fact, it never made it to DVD. IMDB’s trivia page claims the production company went defunct before getting a distributor and that today, nobody is sure who even has the rights, in the way that nobody is eager to claim the weirdly long turd on the dance floor. Here is the entire film on YouTube. WARNING: Includes gratuitous nudity, repeated female-on-male sexual assault and a scene in which a man performs oral sex on a woman while she eats ribs and former NFL great Dick Butkus watches.
You may have guessed that I recently revisited this movie and, unlike literally every other comedy made in that era, it doesn’t perfectly hold up. The setup is typical 80s sex comedy stuff: Russell Proco is a college student played by a 31 year-old actor who looks 40. The central joke is that he’s so hot that women keep forcing themselves on him and, as a result, he has been kicked out of four colleges for having sex. You’ve all known someone in that situation. Got kicked out of their university? For having sex? When confronted about this problem by the hot female dean at his latest school, he tries to explain himself but is interrupted when she, too, sexually assaults him.
This is a personal crisis, because in true ’80s comedy fashion, Proco learns from his parents that he will not get his inheritance unless he earns a college degree. So, he decides to attend a university run by fast food chain Busterburger to become a franchise manager or whatever. But on the very first day, the stern instructor (Butkus) informs the new students of their most important rule: No sex at Busterburger University! Also there are armed guards and no one is allowed to leave.
It’s a classic comedy setup that perfectly encapsulates the struggles of the 1980s American male: Between you and your dreams is a swarm of young babes scrambling for your hog like it’s a loose ball in the end zone. No, I have no idea why the generation who grew up on this movie gave birth to Incels. Instead of recounting the rest of the plot, I’ll just describe one sequence and from that, you can extrapolate the rest:
We learn early on that one of Proco’s fellow students is a hot young woman who is, in the film, said to be from the war-torn Central American country of Guacamole. The character’s name is Conchita Margarita Consuela Maria Lopez Mezzanine. The running joke is that she’s from a foreign country and exists.
The scene begins with Proco’s horny male roommate exiting their dorm room. Proco immediately hears a knock on the door and says, “Don’t tell me, you forgot your dick.” Conchita then bursts into his room wearing only panties and brandishing an Uzi, screaming, “I WANT YOURS!”
Then she grabs him by the hair and propels him backward at gunpoint. The following exchange ensues:
Conchita: “Conchita Margarita Consuela Maria Lopez Mezzanine never takes no for an answer! Now strip!”
Proco: “What?”
Conchita: “Your clothes, you take them off, you make love to me now!”
Proco: “Conchita, there is no sex at Busterburger U!”
Conchita chambers a round into her Uzi and points it at his heart.
Proco strips to his underwear. She kisses him.
Proco: “Satisfied?”
Conchita: “I will tell you seven orgasms from now!” She pulls his waistband to check his penis. “Make that eleven!”
Proco: “It’s just not my day!”
Conchita: “You will do as I say, or I will scream rape.”
Proco: “Conchita, can we talk about thi-“
Conchita (screaming): “RAPE!”
Proco covers her mouth and shushes her, leading her to his bed which, again, is shaped like a giant hamburger.
Conchita: “Tell me, what would you like the woman to do to you?”
Proco: “Nothing!”
Conchita: “Nothing? Then what excites you?”
Proco looks like he suddenly has an idea.
Proco: “Oh, tall, dark, sexy, sweaty, suntanned guerilla fighters…”
Conchita: “Oh, si, si, si.”
Proco (adopting a stereotypical flamboyant “gay” voice): “Like your brother!“
Conchita: “No!”
Proco: “Yes! He’s spent a whole day fighting in the hills, single-handedly killing half a dozen government troops with his great big machete! At sunset he comes home and I’m waiting for him by the campfire!”
Conchita recoils in disgust.
Conchita: “Oh, you fruitcake!”
She literally spits on him.
Conchita: “What good are you? I come to this country to find a real man. And I will!”
Proco (in his “gay” voice): “Bitch!”
That scene was, for young me, what “Let it Go” was for little girls in 2014. My family would quote this movie to each other like college dudes used to quote Anchorman. “Mia! And Mia’s momma! MOMMA MIA!” That sentence wasn’t nonsense to 9% of you! And to them I say, “Put down the cookies, motherfucker!” By that age I’d only seen Star Wars twice (once in theaters, once when it came on network TV) but I’d seen this shit enough that I could play it in my head. “It’s tasty, by God!”
As far as I can tell, the only thing interesting about the making of this film is that the director was named Mike Marvin and, based on his IMDB, he was banished from directing for several years and forced to change his name upon return:
And then, there’s the theme song.
When I ran my Twitter poll, most respondents said they’d never heard of the movie… but the rest replied with some version of, “HAMBURGERS! FOR AMERICAAAAA!” That’s because this film opens on a weirdly sincere burger-cooking montage under a song that will be stuck in your head the rest of your life.
It’s at the beginning of this YouTube video, with the rest of the film appended to the end in case you want to keep watching:
It’s not a wacky comedy song, or a hilarious montage of dudes getting hit in the groin with hamburgers before being assaulted by hot female sex predators. It’s literally just stock footage of people cooking and eating hamburgers, over an entire song that is, with zero irony, about how hamburgers are good. It’s like the pump-up opening to a team building seminar for the National Cattlemenās Beef Association just before one of these guys takes the stage to wild applause.
I’m going to transcribe the lyrics below:
āŖOn almost any corner of almost every town
On every lonely highway youāll ever travel down
Youāre gonna find a burger shop
Americana, mom and pop
How long there aināt no telling
That they been out there out there sellingāŖ
āŖHamburgers for America (yeah)
Hamburgers for America
Itās in their blood, itās their tradition
Itās almost like theyāre on a mission
Selling
Hamburgers for AmericaāŖ
šø [Guitar Solo] šø
āŖIf youāre standing still and listen
You can hear them in the kitchen
You can smell the FrŠµnch fries frying
And you can hear the paddiŠµs sizzling
Sliced tomatoes
Cheese and bacon
Soda’s poppin’
And shakes are shaking
And while youāre listening and looking
It makes you proud to know theyāre cookingāŖ
āŖHamburgers for America (Hey yeah)
Hamburgers for America
Cookin burgers aināt exotic
But some folks say itās patriotic (Yeah)
Hamburgers for America (Yeah)āŖ
āŖHamburgers for America (Alright)
(Hey) Hamburgers for America
Itās in our blood, itās our tradition
Itās almost like we’re on a mission
Hamburgers
HamburgersāŖ
āŖHamburgers for America (Yeah)
Hamburgers for America
Cooking burgers aināt exotic
But we all know itās patriotic (Huh)
Hamburger
Hamburgers
Hamburgers for AmericaāŖ
This goes on for the first three minutes of the movie! It gets me stoked for hamburgers in a way that no hymn ever got me stoked for the Lord.
“Jason, why would you bring this movie to our attention, was it just so we could hear that song? Surely you have some kind of a point!” I do! There’s this thing movie critics used to do when they’d tear a comedy apart, which is pack their review with jokes to prove they could do it better than the film’s writers. That said, here are some quotes from the New York Times review of Hamburger: The Motion Picture:
“If the Food and Drug Administration labeled movies, the warning on ‘Hamburger’ might be that it is likely to cause heartburn… The script, cooked up by Donald Ross and served by the director Mike Marvin with the finesse it deserves, uses epithets as its monosodium glutamate… Somebody must have told the waitress to hold the laughs.”
That’s right: As hacky as this movie clearly was, the criticism was somehow worse. It was low effort all around! And that, friends, brings me to my point.
My unique brand of optimism isn’t that the present is great or that the future is bright, but that the past fucking sucked a hundred times more than anybody gives it credit for. I’m not talking about the Middle Ages, either; I’m talking about the actual youth I vividly remember. There’s this filtering process that makes everybody lose their shit about ’80s-era entertainment as if my world back then was wall-to-wall Back to the Future and Ghostbusters. Not only was approximately 40% of my total film minutes watched consumed by Hamburger: The Motion Picture (a good chunk of the rest was Cobra) but I was missing what we all take for granted today: That second level of well-crafted media devoted to examining the junk.
A few years later, we got a full cable package with Comedy Central. I saw an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 that aired at midnight and my life was changed forever. If you have any belief that art can corrupt, then you have to think that a 12-year-old today stumbling across the 2021 equivalent of Hamburger: The Motion Picture would benefit enormously from the fact that he’d almost immediately be inundated with YouTube essays — or columns like this — tearing it apart, some of them longer than the movie itself.
I unironically think that it’s amazing that outlets like this can exist in the way that songwriter Jack Turner and vocalist Blue Miller were unironically amazed by the existence of hamburgers. Some of you still think I’m doing a bit, that it’s ridiculous to focus on something so inconsequential in a world that is so clearly doomed. I’d ask you only to imagine this:
You’re you and suffering through the same 18-month-long pandemic with no end in sight. You’re locked down, unable to go see movies or concerts or even gather with friends without some apprehension. The only difference is it’s 1987. There is no internet, you don’t even own a computer — no YouTube, no podcasts, no Twitter. The only books are the dusty volumes available at the public library or the shelf full of Tom Clancy paperbacks at the pharmacy. If you’re lucky, you own an NES, but games are over $140 each (adjusted for inflation) and your local department store has exactly four of them on the shelf. You’re trapped at home and literally your only tether to the outside world is your TV. And, when you’re up late, only one channel is still on the air. That means that night after night, for hundreds of nights, the only light in the darkness is the raunchy 1986 sex comedy Hamburger: The Motion Picture.
Things are bad. But they could be — and once were — much, much worse.
Jason Pargin is a New York Times bestselling author, his slightly more serious columns can be found for free at https://jasonpargin.substack.com. Or you can follow him on Twitter here.
Categories
Fucking Day: Barn Porn š
Hello to Hot Dog land it is my fortune to once again share from my world to yours. I again have worked to āsourceā my writinā content from my local area, in this case I remembered the barn what is right here next to the house and what I found there.
Now I have learnt in some years of marriage that it is important to distinguish between HOPE and EXPECT (like will you get chicken fried steak for your birthday breakfast for example) so I will say I HOPE that you believe me that this is a real situation and here are photos and scans what I actually did, but I donāt EXPECT that you will hunnerd percent except my word for it.
I will not include any pictures what could be used to docs me but here we go with a photo re-creation of my special experience. Maybe imagine your playing Myst or something:
So here is the bottom level of the barn (it could use a tidying yes) some of you may discern that it was once a milkin barn, that poster on the left is the ā1984-1985 Holstein Certified Siresā – there was some fine dairy semen in those boys you can bet.
And here we have me assending to the second level, that ol Harvester still hays like nobodyās business, tho i donāt work the field myself i just watch Dave do it from my hammock.
And here is if you turned all the way around. Now I am not ashamed to say I am a little spookt here, but I watched Trayton play Fallout enough to know that when you see this sorta thing you just BETTER look behind itā¦
And what I saw there was better than any amount of bottlecaps. I told Brockway it was almost like I KNEW what I was gonna find and he said it was probably cause I smelt a āodor of decaying paper and secret arousalsā and maybe thats true.
But be it odor or precognitizin my āspicions were confirmed: we had located some blessed soul from the past’s dirty book cache!
I mean I guess a copy of Red Dragon without the cover is dirty, I donāt know if you really need to hide that one in a barn (is anybody out there touchin themselves to when the grandma says sheās gonna take a scissor to his peepee?), but some of you beastmaster-eyed readers will have spotted the real treasure belowā¦
Yes here we have disuncovered a actual stash ofā¦
…of Barn Porn.
(revernt silence)
Well I know that this is just so close to a fantasy that maybe many of us have had or had have at some point in our lives so again Iāll say: you’ll believe me that I found pictures of bare-naked women in this barn, or you wonāt. In a attempt to balance privacy with verification I have provided what I believe to be proof of this reality to the 1-900-HOTDOG Quality Assurance Dept.
(edās note: included with this submishon, sissyneck sent a blurry, poorly lit photo of what appears to be a nude, whole-bellied man seated on a International Harvester tractor with a Apple Busch Light an a Playboy in one hand and a cracked amazon fire tablet showin the USA Today homepage for August 12, 2021 in the other. We gone ahead and asked him for a clothed photo that we could run but received only a reply sayin āits this or nothin i veiled my crotch in shadow for you, clothing makes it to easy to deepfake meā).
(I donāt know if Iām allowed to do them metaphysical jokes but I figured I couldnāt hurt to try one).
Now a part a me wanted to just embrace this whole box and run with it but another part knew that with this sort of valuable resource its like a Chorcheezo Breakfast Burrito from the Maverik: its best bite by bite and too much at a time well that leaves us with shame and tummy regret. So I restrained and just took a barn porn morsel of 4 magazines. Here is what I laid upon my kitchen table once I caught my breath from running out of the barn it was pretty dark and scary in there:
Barn Porn Item #1
Well this is a pretty good cover in the sense that a unsuspecting barn visitor would likely not realize they were ACTUALLY lookin at the October 1973 issue of Gallery Magazine which you might not know: it was started by one of O.J.ās dreamteam lawyers and at first people said it was too much like playboy so they changed the font.
Barn Porn Item #2
So this one Iām not gonna pretend Iām the best internet cold case sleuth but I hope by now to have your trust and that youāll believe me when I say: I tried hard but can not identify this magazine. I even asked Trayton to help in a sly way like: I looked inside it to see what could be a search term and then said ‘Hey Buddy I heard on a grown-up podcast you wouldnāt like it, about a interesting article called quote marks Betting The Horses Like The Professionals quote marks by, all caps, BARRY L. SHEER, and I wanted to read more about that. Could you help me find it’ but even he couldnāt, so this one will be known hereby in here as UNKNOWN.
And this cover, well why did whoever put this in the barn even take the real cover off? thereās still a clear sex situation right there and the wordage even sort of suggests youve got a Playboy on your hands but nope.
Barn Porn Item #3
Ha Ha! I guess its a ad that is also a joke it took me a while to figure that out and the October 1973 Penthouse inside is hid real nice.
Barn Porn Item #4
Poor camoflauge work here but I donāt blame em for leaving the cover on, I like my James Bond movies too and as long as you put this one in the middle of the stack maybe and also importantly: I didnāt have to do any forensics work to identify this one.
We all know naked pictures is in no short supply even if you don’t have any barns around, so we are not gonna focus just on the erogenius content. I have propose a number of CATAGORIES for this write-up so that if, god-willing, you ever come across some barn pornography in your own life and maybe you are short on time, for example you just heard the onimous sound of a tractor startin up nearby, you can make a fast, but informed decision about what to grab and run out with, gigglin with delight.
INTERVIEWS
This one is not even close. Now you might say you know its Playboy that is the best that’s why your dad read it, but the Playboy had just the one interview with a fella named Joseph Wambaugh and I donāt know him so letās just look at what GALLERY offers in this arena:
I sorta remember hearing about how this guy was REALLY hard to find but I guess Gallery didnāt have too much trouble.
Well my mom back in Tumwater had a Oneida silverware set (I donāt think she knew about the free love part of the outfit) and she got mad when we played Stretch with the butter knives but I knew them knives was STRONG and wasnāt gonna get hurt so Mr. Geller here bendin one with just his brain and two fingers is a marvel unto me.
Well I might suggest spending not as much time defending all your Joe movies (donāt click on that one at your job it has almost as many slurs as a 900 Hotdog golden age comic week) but he sure was funny in Young Frankenstein.
Well thatās not a very nice thing for Mr. Mull to say about a little person but moving on: nothing has made me feel more like Iām living in the shattered ruins of a once great civilization than to realize that I bet if you asked hunnerd kids now days what they wanted to be when they grow up? Maybe not even 4 of em would say laser artist.
But I have done like Vanessa Williams taught us and saved the best for last. Holy Cow I would love to have done a time swap with this writer and met this Great Man myself. Although Les did seem to be properly reverent of Mr. Marvin at least his eyes and mustache and smile. Except I am shockened that Marvin didnāt like Prime Cut. To me that is the best hollywood has EVER done to represent the dark and sexual underbelly parts of the Kansas City Stockyards (that video is a little better than the last one depending on what kind of office you work in, like if you go fishin with your boss i guess you might open it okay). But if that doesnāt persuade you…what if I told you it was from the director what also did Fletch AND The Golden Child AND its our introduction to Sissy Spacek (no relation) at her most diaphamous AND Gene Hackman and his brother just WRASSLIN AND I donāt think thereās any studio suit-wearin type now days with ālos pelotosā to film a car chase between a Combine and a Buick. Well I bet your right now wishin it was on Hulu but it aināt.
FICTION (EROTICALY)
This one it may surprise you, none of the recovered materials had narrative titillations except for UNKNOWN which to me is a bit of a shame. Visuals is nice and yet there is something about a dirty story (maybe the pacing?) that is of sensual value, to me. So with a grateful heart to the featured writers of UNKNOWN fiction pieces: one Jon Terri, one Barry L. Sheer, and one S. & H. Kane, here are some of the most strikin turns-a-phrases from my fellow words smiths:
All of the carnal impact of the Sidearm but WITHOUT the actual violence.
Strong! Hot! Fuzzy! Soft! Warm! Moist! Brief! A verytable Golden Corral of lushsome adjectives.
Huh well maybe I need to give another listen to Cohens stuff hell maybe hineni hineni is also a sexy periphrase?
I think most of us would care whose butt it was but such is the freedom of fantasy I guess.
I had to look up torrid it says here it means ‘very hot and dry’ or ‘full of difficulty and challenges’ so either way letās all hope Phil and partner has learned the benefit of commercial lubrications.
Our younger readers may not realize that this was a FULL DECADE before Mr. Loggins sang to us of this very zone and taught Maverik how to ride his Kawasaki Ninja upon the highway into that pretty blond civilian contractor.
Oops this one is from the How to Bet on Horses article my apologys, I think maybe I need to take a break from scannin all this stuff cuz this still seems kinda dirty to me and the lady here at the Staples is lookin at me a lot.
MERCHANDISE
Yes you can maybe guess all of these magazines was happy to try and sell me things, mostly cigarettes and alcohol but also mostly how to pick up women and learn kung-fu. Except I feel like most of us here know all about those thanks to Seanbabys tutorship so here are some others I thought were more uniquely edifyin.
This one is from UNKNOWN and I spose I just liked the mixture of photograph and drawin. Oh and you might see I marked some, that is not because I want to buy those ones (although those are real good prices honestly) thats to remind me to transfer these to my āgood names for dogsā notebook.
This one was in Gallery I donāt think even Xaviera knew exactly who might be wearin this, that chain wonāt maintain that shape in the wild you know. But I guess if you have achieved total sexual freedom you donāt mind about that.
Considering this one was in Playboy it is pretty tame but I wanted to point out the use of the tiny tea cup is a ātrick of the oilā, as the french say, to make you think his yellow area is bigger than it is. I know about this because I used to do the same thing when me and LaRene was courtin with some novelty miniature busch light cans I would wash and refill as needed.
I think Penthouse should do these ones again not just for heterosexuals but for anybody thats still in the practice phase, and aren’t we all when you think about it? It would be a nice heads-up I think, like those āstudent driverā magnets.
HUMOUR
Ok now I think this one youāll like, we all know this website is not JUST about furthering hot dog technology it is also for humor and some of these magazines its the same thing (except instead of hot dog technology its pornography).
#1 UNKNOWN
Actually this one IS just about pornography except for two articles, the beforementioned article on horse racing, and another on how not to get your car stole.
#2 GALLERY
I feel like humor analyzin should probly be left to our editors but I will attempt my best here: I think a positive is that this jokesman earned this one by including that sign.
Pretty good I think? The only ānoteā I have is maybe include a image of the mover falling off a chair in shock surprise.
Well if your āhumorā is written-down but depends on a āvoiceā that many people find hard or even tirin to read for very long and maybe needs to be read-aloud or at least read-aloud in your head to come across? Then I just donāt know what to tell you, friend.
#3. PLAYBOY
If your like me your wondering do you have to specificy female when saying pudenda? And I donāt think you do, also who was asking for there jokes back I wonder.
Well Iām gonna guess a million might be a exaggeration here.
No notes!
#4. PENTHOUSE
Well a part of me wants to include this whole āOh, Wicked Wanda!ā comic by Frederic Mullaly and Ron Embleton that was in the Penthouse because, if I might invulnerable for a second here, it is just a really good kinda stew of mine own interests including fine pin-up style art and just lots of little background gags that are funny to me and the whole thing is still pretty sexy and if I ever see a Wicked Wanda collection at the Bookmobile? I am just checking it out I donāt care who sees. But in the interest of time, here is a sample page so you can see if you like it to:
The dialogue I guess is a little weak maybe we can do another kickstarter for Brendan to fix it.
Ok here we are in the home stretch there is just one more part I thought you would be interested to know about, that is how good are these magazines at:
MAINTAIN THE HUMANITY OF THE NAKED LADY MODEL PEOPLE
You know what I mean here? Like maybe where are we on the spectrum from ‘a naked lady is only JUST a sexual object’ to ‘hereās a person with a body that is of sexual interest to me and that is pretty neat that sheās sharing it but also letās allow for some human complexity and such?’ And I will admit it that as a practicing heterosexual man I am not gonna be your best judge here but maybe I can give a place to start anyway so:
#1 UNKNOWN
Itās all objectification here any kinda bio they have for the models are just sex puns and I sorta doubt virginia is even in the circus.
#2. GALLERY
MAYBE they tried a little bit here cuz this is a pretty wholesome picnic actually and it kinda implicates a nice relationship and we see she maybe enjoys her food, but we donāt get even a name or anything and I have eaten some chicken in my time: this ratio of āshreddedā to āingestedā to my eye it appears this is more just staged with a sexual intent.
#3. PENTHOUSE
Well penthouse maybe did a LITTLE better this is the Pet of the Year pictorial and it is intitled āLove Toryā which is a play on Francises political inclinations (rich and British) and you know some say sheās not wrong about that change thing. And they do include a pretty decent chunk of text about her, but most of what we hear is still kinda about how sheās always ready to do sex, maybe even with you, and they do the thing where they ask her about her upbringing but then they put her measurements right next to it so I think we still have a ways to go here.
#3. PLAYBOY
Alright here’s Playboy well before you unfold the page to see the biggest naked lady picture you get this:
Yes here we get some sense theres a interestin rich personhood (Midnight Express is just damn good we are all clear on that I’d say) but I still donāt know what to think here. Maybe you can answer for yourself, do those pictures of her growin up kinda help keep her a real person or is that more gross and weird to put those on the otherside of a picture where she is naked with her bike?
Well Hot Dog Friends thank you for samplin these barn findings with me, it is my hope that you found even one thing of interest that you might pursue in your own lives be it sexual or secular. There are more Playboys in that box I’m pretty sure, so it may be that we can meet again in these circumstances if I can make sure no-ones in the barn and it aint too scary in the name of Jesus Christ amen.
PS this was also in there:
