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Hot Dog Store: The Catalog of Cursed Artifacts

Have you seen our catalog of cursed artifacts? The real one, I mean. No? Shit.

Well, in the meantime, why don’t you check out our cool Catalog of Cursed Artifacts shirt!

It comes in eight different colors, including one called OXBLOOD BLACK, which I think is this sort of dried blood color for some reason?

So, you know, you got options. Freaky options, but options!

We also have it in a women’s style cut, if that’s more your thing.

If you thought the eight colors with dried blood options shirt was impressive, this style comes in twelve different non-blood-based color varieties.

It won’t protect you from the horrors that are bound to head our way now, but it will cover your torso, and that’s a guarantee.

“But Hot Dog Store,” you say aloud to your phone while you read this in the bathroom, “I have enough shirts! Don’t you have options for those of us with fully covered torsos?”

Of course I do! I have everything! Check it out, we have The Catalog of Cursed Artifacts available as a poster. And not just any poster, we are talking about 16 by 20 inches of high quality 10.3 mil, 189 g/m² Japanese paper with an ISO brightness of 104% and a 94% opacity. Hang on, because I need a cigarette after typing that out.

This thing is beautiful. It’s thick, it’s bright, and it can double as a lap mat in a pinch.

Not gonna spill any of that clam chowder today. Not a drop. So get one while you can; worst-case scenario, you protect your pants from perpetual chowder spills. It’s win-win!

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Hot Dog Store: Crisis On Infinite Berks

Be the manimal, little person toy genius, or speedboat wrestler you want to see in the world.

That’s right, this week we are talking about Crisis On Infinite Berks. Now, as you all know, we’ve had this shirt in the shop for a while, but did you know it comes in 9 different colors? Incredible! Here it is in “Heather Orange”

Fun little fact about Heather Orange, it is called that because of the colors in the heather plant. It has that little mottled effect, so the heather here means it is kind of like that athletic wear color with the light and dark orange. I just learned this right now. I learned it for you! The least you could do is buy a shirt.

Oh, but also, before I forget: POSTERS, BABY! We have posters in the shop now if you didn’t know (mugs too, but we don’t have this one on a mug, so forget I said anything.) BUT WE HAVE THIS ONE ON A POSTER!

This beauty comes in at a lovely 20” x 30” and is on super high quality Japanese paper. I know you love that stuff, and that’s why we take care of you.

Look, here is a dog next to one, and the dog couldn’t be happier. That dog is overjoyed, just really at the peak of his life in this moment, all because of the poster. Don’t you want to be happy like this dog? Don’t you want to feel something again? Anything? Well buy a poster and hang it over your bed, and maybe, just maybe, all the anguish and pain in the poster will distract you long enough for you to feel joy once again.

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Hot Dog Store: It’s beginning to feel a lot like MUGMASS

Hey! Stop pouring liquid into your hands and start pouring it into our new 11 and 15 ounce ceramic mugs!

Each of these mugs are available in 11 ounce and 15 ounce sizes, with your choice of one of eight colors for the inside. They are lead and BPA-free, and safe for both the dishwasher and microwave.

You want to wake up with the gang staring at you as you make questionable choices first thing in the morning? You got it!

Pour a hot cup of boiled Mountain Dew and strap in for another BIGFEETS episode.

Rep the classics and enjoy some calming tea or something.

OH GOD NO, I THOUGHT WE WERE SAFE! WE JUST TALKED ABOUT THIS IN AN EARLIER STORE POST. I’m sorry to inform you that you don’t have a choice in this one, bud. Click here, add to cart, and await your destiny.

So yeah once again those mug stats:

• Ceramic

• 11 oz mug dimensions: 3.79″ (9.6 cm) in height, 3.25″ (8.3 cm) in diameter

• 15 oz mug dimensions: 4.69″ (11.9 cm) in height, 3.35″ (8.5 cm) in diameter

• Lead and BPA-free material

• Colored rim, inside, and handle

• Dishwasher and microwave safe

And as usual, I didn’t list all of the options because I don’t do what you tell me.

But you can see all of them in our store, along with tons of other cursed and horrible fantastic things!

MUGS!

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Hot Dog Store: It’s Your Ol’ Pal Ice Pop Paul

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Brockway is back! Hooray! Our long international nightmare is finally over. But don’t think it’s all sweet dreams and buttercreams from here on out. Maybe you forgot, maybe you didn’t know, but I’m here to remind you:

That’s right, none of you are safe! And to make sure you always remember that, we have our pal Ice Pop Paul available on all sorts of clothing you can wear at all times!

Here he is on a hoodie! Don’t like that color? That’s fine, we have six other colors to choose from!

“But what about when it gets too hot, and I need to take my hoodie off?” you say, desperately trying to find a loophole. NOPE, he is on your shirt!

“Aha! But my body is shaped different and I prefer a different cut. Sorry Ice Pop Paul, you’ll have to find someone else to torment.” That’s why we also have him available in this women’s style cut.

I’m gonna cut you off before you start, just like I did with these sleeves. We even have him on our tanktops, so stop trying to get out of this. You can either buy the clothing with the dude on it, or we can tattoo him on your chest, and my tattooing rate starts at $5500 an hour. Plus expenses.

And a per diem.

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Hot Dog Store: A Post About Posters

You’ve been asking for it, and it is finally here. That’s right, we’ve got posters!

If you aren’t familiar, posters are like shirts for your wall, and we’ve got five of them here ready to go!

First up is The Catalog of Cursed Artifacts Poster, and that measures 16″ x 20″.

This 24” x 36” Hot Dogs vs. Apes Poster brings a damn tear to my eye every time.

The Crisis On Infinite Berks Poster comes in at 20” x 30”

And for those of you who enjoy things in perfect ratios, we’ve got your Assembled Dogs Poster in 18” x 18”

Let’s not forget this shining jewel. The incredible Bigfeets of Future Past poster, available in a beautiful 24” x 36” print.

And each of these posters is printed on 10.3 mil thick, 189 g/m2 paper, which is pretty thick and heavy as far as paper goes. It is going to feel real professional. Also the paper is rated to an ISO Brightness of 104%, which means those images should be vibrant and crisp. This isn’t me slapping these out on a printer at home on old IHOP receipts. This is high-quality Japanese paper, ready to be covered with the most beautiful renderings of cursed artifacts and lava apes the world has ever seen. So go check out what we’ve got, rip up those old Monets and Rembrandts, and get some real art up on your walls.

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Hot Dog Store: It’s A Great Time To Buy A Hoodie

I said brrr, it’s cold in here, there must be some declining pressure in the atmosphere. Haha, we have fun here in the little store posts, don’t we? Anyway, it’s cold in most of North America, which means you probably live in this section here that the weather station says is where cool people live. And cool people need hoodies to stay warm. That’s science.

While all of our hoodies keep you warm while looking cool, I want to take this time to talk to you about the Double Doggon Hoodie.

There it is, an absolute classic. This bad boy comes in five different colors: White, Black, Red, that weird PE Gray (or Grey if you’re nasty), and Pink.

So go check out our collection of hoodies, and stay warm. Nobody likes a frozen wiener.