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Hot Dog Store: Video Games and Something Funky in the Vault

Real ones know the Doom Guy is Brigham Young. That’s right, this week it is all about MORMONISM:

I’ve got two things to show you here before we dive into the vault.

First up we have our mugs. These Lead and BPA-free ceramic mugs come in 11 ounce and 15 ounce options, have full colored rims, insides, and handles, and are dishwasher and microwave safe. It’s September now which means flu season is coming up, and it also means autumn is just around the corner. These babies are perfect for sipping warm cider on a crisp autumn morning or drinking hot lemon water with honey to soothe a sore throat. I’m 100% serious, I don’t know why but hot lemon water with honey works better for my sore throats than any lozenge or anything else. Try it out next time you get sick. Try it out specifically in one of our mugs.

We also have this awesome MORMONISM graphic available on our classic shirts. Wearing one of these presents a fantastic opportunity for someone to not understand and then you explaining the lore and history behind one of the greatest demon killing FPS games of all time. And isn’t that all you want out of your casual wear? I know it’s what I want from mine, and almost none of my clothes are capable of this.

Things sound like they are popping off in the vault, let’s take a look…

OH NO IT IS A LEVEL SEVEN INFECTION, QUICK TU-

rn this corner right here and have a seat. Have you heard about Corey? Oh, you haven’t? Delightful. Well, as you know, I am Corey, they are Corey, and as soon as you started to read the beginning of this sentence, you are Corey. Isn’t it great, Corey? Being part of something so exciting and comforting? Be sure to navigate your way through the vault to get your official We Are Corey shirt, so everyone knows you are Corey. And then get extra shirts so they also know they are Corey.

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Hot Dog Store: HOT DOGS… ASSEMBLE!

It’s time… DOGS! ASSEMBLE!

The whole crew is back together for one more job. You son of a bitch; you’re in. And we’ve got a bunch of options for you to bring the crew home.

It’s the perfect time to grab one of our mugs, because who knows how long you have until the next time you need a celebratory drink! It can hold cocoa or whiskey or coffee or whatever you have on hand the next time you hear some great news.

And while you are celebrating the wonderful news you’ve heard, making cool jokes on social media, posting memes you have saved and all of that, bask in the glory of this incredible 18”x18” poster available on super high-quality Japanese paper. Beautiful art, beautifully colored on beautiful paper for your beautiful home!

Maybe there will be a parade! What will you wear? Might I suggest one of our Assembled Dogs shirts, available in three colors? You’ll probably be taking selfies, and you’ll want to make sure you have something cool to wear.

Our women’s styled cut has a dozen different color options, in case you don’t like the original three. Lots of options there for people who look better in cool or warm. Either way, we have options.

And in a farewell to arms, or sleeves at least, our Assembled Dogs tanktop is sure to be a crowd pleaser at any spontaneous party. Maybe it’ll be a party in the streets, maybe it’ll be in a karate library, it doesn’t matter because the party is wherever you are when you are wearing one of these!

Speaking of parties, what’s going on in the secret sex normal merchandise vault?

This week we have an Understated Hot Dog Track Jacket available for you!

Let them know you’re a maniac in a tasteful, subtle way. This thing feels great and is so soft inside with that brushed fleece lining. And it looks cool as hell. If the tanktop brings the party with you, this thing brings the after party. And it has pockets!

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Hot Dog Store: Jimmy Jiggles Is Here For You

You know him! You fear love him! That’s right, it is our unnamed mascot, JIMMY JIGGLES!

What a fun little guy, always hanging out representing that 1900HOTDOG Brand. Who knows how he came to be. The boys found him on that expedition to that one place that one time and haven’t been able to shake him yet.

So that’s why we went and slapped him on a whole bunch of merch! Look, here is some right now:

Your first option is a lovely shirt, available in six colors. These things are super soft and comfy, and they are pre-shrunk so you don’t have to worry about sizing issues.

And you know we have ceramic mugs in 11 and 15 ounce options. There are a whole bunch of colors available, and it’s cool because the inside and the handle have that pop of color, and it looks neat. Lead and BPA free, and dishwasher and microwave safe. Pop a couple hot dogs in this thing with some water, microwave it, and enjoy the finest hot dog tea in your finest hot dog mug.

Over in our hoodie section, we have five different colors of one of the softest and coziest hoodies around. And it has a big ol’ pocket!

Our women’s cut version of the shirt comes in 12 colors. That’s a dozen! That’s twice as many colors as something that only has six colors. Incredible!

And finally, our unnamed, unused Hot Dog mascot is available on a sweet 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton relaxed fit tanktop. Perfect for those days when you need to do stuff and wear a shirt but your arms get too warm so you don’t want them all covered up with cloth. Cold torsos and hot arms are a thing of the past!

Well, if you are sick of Jimmy, don’t worry, it’s not like he can get in the vault.

FUCK HE IS IN THE VAULT!

Be cool, don’t make eye contact with the Jimmy Jiggles Dad Hat available in way too many colors. Do not get your dad a hat he’ll never understand. SHIT WATCH OUT!

Don’t fall for the trap of this zip up hoodie. It has double doggz on the front but smack dab on the back BAM JIGGLES, BABY!

OH FUCK NOW YOU CAN BE THE GUY FROM DRIVE WITH THIS SICK ASS BOMBER JACKET, BUT ONLY WITH JIMMY AT THE WHEEL. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, I DIDN’T SEE THAT MOVIE. WAS IT GOOD? SORRY I DON’T MEAN TO YELL I AM JUST VERY STARTLED AND ALSO CURIOUS ABOUT IF THE FILM WAS GOOD. IS IT STREAMING ANYWHERE? I’LL HAVE TO BUY THE JACKET AND FIND OUT

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Hot Dog Store: A delightful icy treat, and the boys go to prom?!

It’s a hot one out there, and there’s nothing like kicking back on a hot day with a frozen treat of your choice. But maybe take a bit extra care when rooting around in your freezer, because

That’s right, none of you are safe! And to make sure you always remember that, we have our pal Ice Pop Paul available on all sorts of clothing you can wear at all times!

Here he is on a hoodie! Don’t like that color? That’s fine, we have six other colors to choose from!

“But what about when it gets too hot, and I need to take my hoodie off?” you say, desperately trying to find a loophole. NOPE, he is on your shirt!

“Aha! But my body is shaped different and I prefer a different cut. Sorry Ice Pop Paul, you’ll have to find someone else to torment.” That’s why we also have him available in this women’s style cut.

I’m gonna cut you off before you start, just like I did with these sleeves. We even have him on our tanktops, so stop trying to get out of this.

But it doesn’t end there. His madness has spread to drinkware!

Drink from the mug with his mug on it. Show him who is boss by pretending you are drinking straight from his skull. Ignore the whispering and the blood as your mind is haunted, that just means the coffee is working.

Behold his horrible visage upon a glass altar of pain. Do not eat the glass, that’s exactly what he wants! Use it to drink things, delicious things, and pray to whoever is listening out there that he spares you.

It’s either this, or hide out in the vault and hope he doesn’t find you.

And what is in the vault ain’t always so pretty…

It smells like hormones and Reese’s Pieces in here.

We know you have a lot of questions just looking at this shirt. Don’t worry, we get this a lot: Brockway is E.T.’s prom date, E.T. is Seanbaby’s prom date, Seanbaby is Brockway’s prom date. It was a beautiful night, they got John Williams to DJ the whole thing. And lucky for you Rusty captured the sweetest moment and we put the whole thing on a shirt so you can bask in this beautiful memory forever. Shh, shhhh, don’t think about it, just buy it.

And remember, vault items are rare and cursed, and for that reason are never linked, and only able to be found by those strong enough to protect the rest of us from them. Thank you for your service.

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Hot Dog Store: STILL BIGFEETS YOKAI, and it is lookin Trim in the vault

I don’t know if you saw this on monday but in case you didn’t, BRAND NEW BIGFEETS DESIGN HOLY SHIT LOOK AT IT!

This week we released the newest BIGFEETS masterpiece and it is available for purchase right this second.

Brett went hard on this one and I appreciate the hell out of it. You want it on a shirt? Right here buddy, click right here. I love this thing so much, and I know you will too.

It is available in our women’s style cut shirts as well, and looks just as good. Everything about this is the perfect version of what it could be, and you can wear it on your chest. How lucky for you!

One of my dogs got bit by a rattlesnake a bit back. It was a bad one, had neurotoxin and hemotoxin. Little guy was having seizures and stuff on the way to the hospital. I bring this up for one reason, and one reason alone: to get you to buy a poster.

UPDATE: because of all of the love for this poster, my dog has fully recovered and is back to cooking his little hot dog on the hot pavement because he is an idiot. That should be reason enough for you to buy an A1 – 23.3″ x 33.1″ size museum-quality poster of one of the greatest pieces of art ever created in the history of existence to put on your wall.

I hear some Irish martial arts in the vault. Quick, let’s peek inside!

Oh yeah, that makes sense.

The bad boy that got the vault started, back in stock for you, and you alone. You know him, you love him, it’s the Van Dang of Trim. Due to printing errors some shirts may have a fatal deviation.

Remember, vault items are fun hidden secrets and or punishments that are here for reasons unknown to us. And if you can find the vault, you can also request items to be locked away safely forever and for purchase. It is a dangerous game to play, because if you buy too much or not enough, we end up with crazy dick fight shirts. You gotta help find that line and guard it. Guard it real good.

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Hot Dog Store: The past is the future and the future the past

It’s been a while since we last featured the BIGFEETS OF FUTURE PAST, so let’s take a look.

Oh yeah, that’s the stuff. Look at how incredible this is, let’s zoom in and appreciate it fully.

A masterful, cursed creation. And now it’s also available in a women’s style cut!

But the fun doesn’t stop there:

It stops here, where you need to buy a poster of this and put it up on your wall where the photos of your loved ones used to be. They are nothing to you now.

Speaking of family meaning nothing to you now, let’s dive into the vault!

It is ANIME WEEK in the vaults! Hooray!

Anime Week was a mistake. Celebrate it with the official shirt! Behold the impossible physique of two incredible protags about to … well ok I don’t know if your parents had the talk with you yet, but when two anime characters really like the other’s power, they do a special dance and touch tips to become closer. Sometimes they dress up with earrings, sometimes they get turned into candy and swallowed. It doesn’t matter how, what matters is the trust between them and their ability to form a new powerful being that stars in so much erotic fanart that I am not allowed to access the internet at the library anymore.

I got off track there a little, but that’s the power of Anime Week!