Category: Store

It’s a hot one out there, and there’s nothing like kicking back on a hot day with a frozen treat of your choice. But maybe take a bit extra care when rooting around in your freezer, because

That’s right, none of you are safe! And to make sure you always remember that, we have our pal Ice Pop Paul available on all sorts of clothing you can wear at all times!

Here he is on a hoodie! Don’t like that color? That’s fine, we have six other colors to choose from!

“But what about when it gets too hot, and I need to take my hoodie off?” you say, desperately trying to find a loophole. NOPE, he is on your shirt!

“Aha! But my body is shaped different and I prefer a different cut. Sorry Ice Pop Paul, you’ll have to find someone else to torment.” That’s why we also have him available in this women’s style cut.

I’m gonna cut you off before you start, just like I did with these sleeves. We even have him on our tanktops, so stop trying to get out of this.

But it doesn’t end there. His madness has spread to drinkware!

Drink from the mug with his mug on it. Show him who is boss by pretending you are drinking straight from his skull. Ignore the whispering and the blood as your mind is haunted, that just means the coffee is working.

Behold his horrible visage upon a glass altar of pain. Do not eat the glass, that’s exactly what he wants! Use it to drink things, delicious things, and pray to whoever is listening out there that he spares you.

It’s either this, or hide out in the vault and hope he doesn’t find you.

And what is in the vault ain’t always so pretty…

It smells like hormones and Reese’s Pieces in here.

We know you have a lot of questions just looking at this shirt. Don’t worry, we get this a lot: Brockway is E.T.’s prom date, E.T. is Seanbaby’s prom date, Seanbaby is Brockway’s prom date. It was a beautiful night, they got John Williams to DJ the whole thing. And lucky for you Rusty captured the sweetest moment and we put the whole thing on a shirt so you can bask in this beautiful memory forever. Shh, shhhh, don’t think about it, just buy it.

And remember, vault items are rare and cursed, and for that reason are never linked, and only able to be found by those strong enough to protect the rest of us from them. Thank you for your service.

Hello, welcome to One Nine Hundred Hot Dog Dot Com. If you haven’t figured it out yet, every day is Upsetting Day, but there are different ways to be upset. Allow me to explain.

Fucking Day, Reflecting Day, Teamworking Day, Learning Day, Nerding Day, Punching Day, Even Hot Dog Appreciation Day. We have so many wonderful Hot Dog Days, and every one of them is upsetting in their own unique way.

So check it out, there are a bunch of them on this shirt so you don’t have to choose your favorite. You can wear this thing around and point at people and point at one of the little hot dog dudes on your shirt and communicate without having to say a word. On a date and it’s going well? Point to your heart and let ‘em know what’s what. Mugged in the alley after your date? Point to punching day and let this dastardly deviant know, “Not today bucko!” Available in our classic cut, women’s cut, a tank top, and even a hoodie! No excuse, you can wear it everywhere under any condition.

Now you may have thought we only had this in some sort of clothing option for this, but what about people who don’t wear clothes, or perhaps need to wear uniforms? Just like my manager at Papa Johns said when I was a teenager, as long as you still got a mouth, we are in business.

That’s right, our dog days are available in various sippable containers. Dishwasher and microwave safe mugs with all kinds of wild colors, and pint glasses which you should never put in the microwave or dishwasher. Don’t do it. Don’t. That’s three times you’ve been told now.

Have you thought about your post-life plans yet? We have!

In the vault this week, we have the opportunity to raise funds towards buying one very specific grave.

Imagine, if you will, that there was a grave someone had for sale. Now imagine the grave belonged to a ridiculous dork, and if we bought it, it would be very very funny. Continue to imagine that you have purchased a shirt where all proceeds go to purchasing the graves of our enemies. Imagine no more, because that shirt exists, and is only available in the super secret PoxCo Vaults. Buy one today and put us one foot in the grave closer to the culmination of our entire business plan.