Category: Store

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Hot Dog Store: Hot Dog Days and a Grave Opportunity

Hello, welcome to One Nine Hundred Hot Dog Dot Com. If you haven’t figured it out yet, every day is Upsetting Day, but there are different ways to be upset. Allow me to explain.

Fucking Day, Reflecting Day, Teamworking Day, Learning Day, Nerding Day, Punching Day, Even Hot Dog Appreciation Day. We have so many wonderful Hot Dog Days, and every one of them is upsetting in their own unique way.

So check it out, there are a bunch of them on this shirt so you don’t have to choose your favorite. You can wear this thing around and point at people and point at one of the little hot dog dudes on your shirt and communicate without having to say a word. On a date and it’s going well? Point to your heart and let ‘em know what’s what. Mugged in the alley after your date? Point to punching day and let this dastardly deviant know, “Not today bucko!” Available in our classic cut, women’s cut, a tank top, and even a hoodie! No excuse, you can wear it everywhere under any condition.

Now you may have thought we only had this in some sort of clothing option for this, but what about people who don’t wear clothes, or perhaps need to wear uniforms? Just like my manager at Papa Johns said when I was a teenager, as long as you still got a mouth, we are in business.

That’s right, our dog days are available in various sippable containers. Dishwasher and microwave safe mugs with all kinds of wild colors, and pint glasses which you should never put in the microwave or dishwasher. Don’t do it. Don’t. That’s three times you’ve been told now.

Have you thought about your post-life plans yet? We have!

In the vault this week, we have the opportunity to raise funds towards buying one very specific grave.

Imagine, if you will, that there was a grave someone had for sale. Now imagine the grave belonged to a ridiculous dork, and if we bought it, it would be very very funny. Continue to imagine that you have purchased a shirt where all proceeds go to purchasing the graves of our enemies. Imagine no more, because that shirt exists, and is only available in the super secret PoxCo Vaults. Buy one today and put us one foot in the grave closer to the culmination of our entire business plan.

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Hot Dog Store: Seanbaby Saturday Storeplosion!

IT’S SATURDAY! IT’S THE STOREPOST! IT’S A SEANBABY SATURDAY STOREPOST STOREPLOSION!

And by that I mean it’s time for another look at Seanbaby’s Seanbabies tidbits. Strap in and please ensure you have adequate receptacles for cute puns and hunky buns.

Let’s start this thing off by looking at the wonderful 24”x36” poster. This is the optimal way to view this piece of art, as it is printed on that tastefully thick Japanese paper, making sure those buns and brows are rendered in all of their glory. Look, he has himself some little maracas! Incredible.

But maybe you aren’t interested in the most optimal way to view the art, perhaps you want the most optimal way to wrap your body in tidbits goodness. That’s why we have it in both a classic cut and women’s cut version of our shirt. Ideal for putting around your torso and galavanting about.

But what about the discerning hotdogger who doesn’t care for sleeves? Fear not, because our seanbabies have ripped the sleeves off of several thousand shirts in the warehouse, and we call them TopTanks. They were Top Thanks, but then one of the seanbabies ate the H and wait I’m getting word that all of this is incorrect and they are called tank tops. That doesn’t sound right to me, but hey, when in Naples.

And to bring this thing full circle, there are two special shirts in the vault this week

OH SHIT, CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER

BROCKWAY IS FUCKING SEANBABY UP!

NOW SEANBABY HAS THE UPPER HAND!

WHO WILL WIN? WHO WILL DIE?

The only way to decide is to buy a shirt. Victory is yours for the taking.

You can find these shirts and a bunch of other ridiculous merch in the secret PoxCo vault. I’m not gonna show you where it is though because that’s part of the adventure!

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Hot Dog Store: Action Figure and Something New in the Vault

I really liked that action figure shirt we did a bit back. Let’s take another look at it!

This thing was great, but had some really weird timing with a dumb AI trend and I don’t think it got the attention it rightly deserved.

Look at that branding, the tasteful accessories, the over the top explosive action with articulated limbs. Hot damn that’s beautiful. The government said legally we can’t sell these as actual action figures, something about a threat to what our money is based off of or something I don’t know, but we can sell it as a shirt! And what do you know, I have a link to that shirt right here! Click that link, buy the shirt, wait for it to show up, put it on, and admire it.

I mean look at his cool knee joints!

Uh oh, I feel an overwhelming sense of dread coming from the vault this week. Dare we open it?

This baby is ready to blow!

Practice the gentle art of hand-grenade based self-defense. Sensei Chuck honed his hand grenade-based martial arts through countless trials and emergency room visits. Put this shirt on and let everyone around you know that you studied at a dojo that has its own federal powerpoint presentation! Available only in the vault, because we can’t trust this kind of power to just anyone off of a random street in Florida, grab one today.

Trauma puppets not included.

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Hott Dogg Storre: It’s The Dogg Boyzz

The boyzz are back in townn!

The Mona Lisa, Girl with a Pearl Earring, Dogs Playing Poker. All incomparable asshole when viewed next to majesty that is The Dogg Boyzz.

A classic shirt, with style outside of time. Fashion is cyclical, but The Dogg Boyzz are eternal. You too can be eternal with the everlasting gaze of The Dogg Boyzz with you wherever you go.

Top any tank with the power of The Dogg Boyzz on your chest. The logo is fashionably set so you can turn this into a crop top with ease. Do it. DO IT NOW!

Get a Dogg up ya! With our handwash only pint glasses, everything your drink is imbued with the power of the Boyzz, and so are you. You lucky son of a gun.

Two mean mugs on your mug, now that’s one hell of a deal. I don’t have to be a wizard at math to know that every second you don’t have this mug is another thousand dollars you are losing out on. Potentially. I’m not sure how it works out, look just buy the mug.

I feel like a part of me is on the other side of this vault door. I should open it and see what’s going on.

Used to be a time where we were all Corey.

Some of you might remember when we were all Corey. Some of us still are Corey. Some of you are still Corey. Some of you will soon be Corey. Don’t worry though, you’ve always been Corey. We’ve always been. We will always be. There is nothing else beyond Corey, no worries or pains. No bills or sickness. Just Corey. Corey can procure this shirt in the vault when Corey has access. If Corey does not have access, Corey should attain access and acquire the shirt. Corey should purchase shirts for friends and family members who have not yet become Corey. This is what Corey would want.

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Hot Dog Store: Hot Dog Karate

Learn the forbidden groin secrets of the east.

Are you ready to enter the dojo? Prove it!

Let the world know you are a registered lethal weapon trained by our in house master sensei team with the official 1900HOTDOG deadly martial arts techniques shirt. Learn up to six different groin based attacks that can be used in any* situation.

*groin based attacks may not be sufficient for bouncing barrooms. Please check with your local saloon samurai before attempting any advanced techniques.

The Hot Dog Dojo, or HODODOJO as nobody calls it, also offers the official 1900HOTDOG deadly martial arts techniques shirt in our women’s style cut. Because we all should be able to look our best when destroying the dangling dick of our enemy. When engaging in crotch combat. Going for a sacktown smackdown. Nailing that dong domination. Ok that was the last one.

Bologna boxing.

Anyway, does anyone else hear theme park music? It sounds like it’s coming from behind this giant steel door.

Oh lord the mascots have been freed!

Remember, no matter what happens, ne▓▒░ look for a giant foam head you can trust! And you can trust all of these mascots. They are your buddies and friends! Look at those approachable faces and unblinking eyes. You should buy a shirt and let us into your home. Wear the image of your friends every day. Show everyone how much you love your best friends. Because we love you!

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Hot Dog Store: 8-Bits and Dad Hats

8-Bit hot dogs in assorted weights and torments. All yours!

Look at the little guys, so many of them, so charming and provocative.

We have it on our classic shirt. This is one of our classic, classic shirts so colors are limited, but you’ll be fine. That one you are looking at really compliments your eyes.

We also have it available on our hoodies. I think black and pink are the best options, but that’s just how I DDU-DU DDU-DU. But really, this looks great on any of the available colors. Brockway spends a lot of time looking at the different options when he puts a new item up in the shop. Not a bit, he makes sure he likes the way it lands on the fabric and checks to see how it looks against the color before adding things. So you know that there are no wrong choices. Thanks Brockway!

 

And our fancy glass pint glasses can also be your fancy glass pint glasses with little 8-Bit hot dog duders on them. Don’t forget to hand wash your hot dogs, as putting these in the dishwasher can lead to the graphics coming off. Also don’t put it in the microwave. Mom says it’ll explode. I don’t know if she is right, but I don’t want to take that chance.

I’m hearing a lot of weird chatter out there about Daddy hats or something? Everyone must be talking about one of our secret vault products.

That’s right, the only Daddy hat I know about, the Jimmy Jiggles Dad Hat. Available only in the secret vault!

Get your dad a hat he’ll never understand. This thing comes in sensible dad colors like stone and dark grey, but it also comes in red and camo to appeal to even the most hat wearing dads you know. It comes in a lovely pink to wear out on the golf course, or in navy to wear to the napping chair. Whatever activity your dad does, we have a hat color to match it.