Category: Store

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Hott Dogg Storre: It’s The Dogg Boyzz

The boyzz are back in townn!

The Mona Lisa, Girl with a Pearl Earring, Dogs Playing Poker. All incomparable asshole when viewed next to majesty that is The Dogg Boyzz.

A classic shirt, with style outside of time. Fashion is cyclical, but The Dogg Boyzz are eternal. You too can be eternal with the everlasting gaze of The Dogg Boyzz with you wherever you go.

Top any tank with the power of The Dogg Boyzz on your chest. The logo is fashionably set so you can turn this into a crop top with ease. Do it. DO IT NOW!

Get a Dogg up ya! With our handwash only pint glasses, everything your drink is imbued with the power of the Boyzz, and so are you. You lucky son of a gun.

Two mean mugs on your mug, now that’s one hell of a deal. I don’t have to be a wizard at math to know that every second you don’t have this mug is another thousand dollars you are losing out on. Potentially. I’m not sure how it works out, look just buy the mug.

I feel like a part of me is on the other side of this vault door. I should open it and see what’s going on.

Used to be a time where we were all Corey.

Some of you might remember when we were all Corey. Some of us still are Corey. Some of you are still Corey. Some of you will soon be Corey. Don’t worry though, you’ve always been Corey. We’ve always been. We will always be. There is nothing else beyond Corey, no worries or pains. No bills or sickness. Just Corey. Corey can procure this shirt in the vault when Corey has access. If Corey does not have access, Corey should attain access and acquire the shirt. Corey should purchase shirts for friends and family members who have not yet become Corey. This is what Corey would want.

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Hot Dog Store: Hot Dog Karate

Learn the forbidden groin secrets of the east.

Are you ready to enter the dojo? Prove it!

Let the world know you are a registered lethal weapon trained by our in house master sensei team with the official 1900HOTDOG deadly martial arts techniques shirt. Learn up to six different groin based attacks that can be used in any* situation.

*groin based attacks may not be sufficient for bouncing barrooms. Please check with your local saloon samurai before attempting any advanced techniques.

The Hot Dog Dojo, or HODODOJO as nobody calls it, also offers the official 1900HOTDOG deadly martial arts techniques shirt in our women’s style cut. Because we all should be able to look our best when destroying the dangling dick of our enemy. When engaging in crotch combat. Going for a sacktown smackdown. Nailing that dong domination. Ok that was the last one.

Bologna boxing.

Anyway, does anyone else hear theme park music? It sounds like it’s coming from behind this giant steel door.

Oh lord the mascots have been freed!

Remember, no matter what happens, ne▓▒░ look for a giant foam head you can trust! And you can trust all of these mascots. They are your buddies and friends! Look at those approachable faces and unblinking eyes. You should buy a shirt and let us into your home. Wear the image of your friends every day. Show everyone how much you love your best friends. Because we love you!

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Hot Dog Store: 8-Bits and Dad Hats

8-Bit hot dogs in assorted weights and torments. All yours!

Look at the little guys, so many of them, so charming and provocative.

We have it on our classic shirt. This is one of our classic, classic shirts so colors are limited, but you’ll be fine. That one you are looking at really compliments your eyes.

We also have it available on our hoodies. I think black and pink are the best options, but that’s just how I DDU-DU DDU-DU. But really, this looks great on any of the available colors. Brockway spends a lot of time looking at the different options when he puts a new item up in the shop. Not a bit, he makes sure he likes the way it lands on the fabric and checks to see how it looks against the color before adding things. So you know that there are no wrong choices. Thanks Brockway!

 

And our fancy glass pint glasses can also be your fancy glass pint glasses with little 8-Bit hot dog duders on them. Don’t forget to hand wash your hot dogs, as putting these in the dishwasher can lead to the graphics coming off. Also don’t put it in the microwave. Mom says it’ll explode. I don’t know if she is right, but I don’t want to take that chance.

I’m hearing a lot of weird chatter out there about Daddy hats or something? Everyone must be talking about one of our secret vault products.

That’s right, the only Daddy hat I know about, the Jimmy Jiggles Dad Hat. Available only in the secret vault!

Get your dad a hat he’ll never understand. This thing comes in sensible dad colors like stone and dark grey, but it also comes in red and camo to appeal to even the most hat wearing dads you know. It comes in a lovely pink to wear out on the golf course, or in navy to wear to the napping chair. Whatever activity your dad does, we have a hat color to match it.

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Hot Dog Store: A Shirt Too Large For The Vault??

It’s summertime, and the Hot Dog is easy. Time to reflect on summer vacations past, great times spent at the arcade with a pocket full of quarters, a slice in one hand, and a joystick in the other.

Hell yeah, let’s get back to basics here. An incredible, iconic piece of art. I haven’t featured it in a bit on its own, and that needs to change.

We all know the classic shirt. It comes in just a couple colors because technology was limited back then and we did what we could. We didn’t have fancy colors like chartreuse or light blue, and that’s how we liked it. Look at Brockway and Seanbaby here, they only have red and blue and they are happy as a floor chicken. What more do you need?

I mean, a lot more, probably.

Like maybe a hoodie? You know you love that classic pixel logo on a solid black hoodie. From far away it looks like you have a cool video game logo, and up close it is too late for your victim to escape the onslaught of horrible knowledge you’ve collected. Buy one, it’s win-win!

Did you know this thing looks cool as hell on a mug? Get two so you can choose your fighter. Put one in the microwave and the other in the dishwasher and watch them both come out just fine! Drink stuff out of them, eat stuff out of them, live out of them, the possibilities are endless!

And for our fancier readers, we have the sophisticated pint glass. But this ain’t yo’ daddies pint glass, unless you bought one for him for Father’s day, in which case it is. And thank you! These are fancy hand wash only pint glasses, but they look so good you won’t mind having an excuse to touch them more.

Oh, and one more thing. Something new is in the vault, and we can barely shut the door!

It’s EXTRALARGE! The shirt is normal sized, or I guess available in all of our normal sizes. But on the shirt, EXTRALARGE!

From bonk to conk, celebrate the martial prowess of Italy’s Reacher. You willed this into existence. It should never have been, and yet it is. You know what you must do. The site demands sacrifice, and the only way to atone is by braving the vaults and getting an extralarge shirt of your own.

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Hot Dog Store: I got your mugs right here

You’ll never guess what today’s store post is about. Go ahead, guess. I’ll wait.

Did you guess? That’s right it’s all about pants mugs! Man, I practiced that for like an hour and still messed it up.

We have lots of awesome mugs available, a thieves dozen if you will. I’m gonna talk to you about my current three favorites though. We don’t have all day.

This is your brain on Hot Dog. This can be your coffee in Hot Dog. An incredible piece of art that we featured a few weeks ago is available in our wonderful dishwasher and microwave safe ceramic mugs. Look at that brain get absolutely demolished, right in his bits. I bet that smarts. hahahahahahahahahaha.

1 900 Hot Dog Pail Kids! Collect them all! There are two. They’re on this mug. This is a very simple game, and I hope you win. Oh shit, what if you boiled some ecto cooler and put it in this? Someone please do it and share a photo on discord. I will send you a prize. Prize has no value and is completely worthless, but I will 100% send you something. Oh yeah, the link to the mug. Buy it!

Don’t say his name. Don’t make eye contact. Do buy this mug and drink out of it. It is the closest you will ever be to drinking out of the skull of the greatest enemy mankind has ever known. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what humor website merchandise is all about?

Those are my top 3, but it is like trying to choose your favorite 3 children when you have 11 and don’t have a ketamine addiction. Do take the time to look at the rest. They are high quality mugs, and we add more all the time.

I heard something rumbling in the vault.

Hey, have you ever been on the discord? Have you asked them to show you the 1988 classic film Traxx? Just pop on in and say “Hey, we watchin’ Traxx today?”

This is a throwback to one of the first Meat Parties. There’s this movie that is quite the experience. I can’t even explain it. I think Brockway said it best, “There’s a sick sense of unease throughout the whole film. It’s funny in the way that a bear with his head stuck in a log is funny — it’s also sad, and might get loose and kill you at any moment.”

Anyway, I’m here to make a whole ass liar out of Brockway

It’s on sale in the vault for like $12-16 right now. Buy it and make Brockway regret ever trying to hide this from you. Make him weep as you post selfie after selfie of yourself in the self referencing Traxx shirt.

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Hot Dog Store: A Cavalcade of Cursed Artifacts

Upon further research, cavalcade does not mean what I thought it did when I wrote the title. OH WELL, TOO LATE!

Gaze deep into the catalogue of cursed artifacts, but do not blink, for that is when they may strike.

This is actually one of our rarest prints, as it is only available in three ways. First in our classic shirt. Wearing this imbues you with the power of karate, so you may defeat any clown that crosses your path.

Second, in our women’s cut. Wearing one of these will give you the power to play god. Use it wisely. Or don’t, you’re god, not me. Don’t let me tell you what to do.

And last as a 16”x20” poster. It’s an incredible piece, Rusty did a ridiculous job as always, and it looks great on our super thick Japanese paper. Also look at this little guy at the ice cream shop, they put an ice cream in his hand. Isn’t that fun!

You know what else is fun? Jumping into the vaults for some wholesome entertainment.

Things going too easy for you in your day to day life? Well look what we have in stock today:

It’s The Murderer’s Shirt! There is a story behind this one, but it’s kind of complicated and if you are able to purchase this shirt you probably know it already. But for those of you who don’t know, basically ████ ██ ██████ ██ ████ ████ ██ ████ ██ ████ and then ████ ████ ██████ ██ his ████ ██. I mean everyone initially thought ██ ██████ ██ ████████ ████ ██ ██ ██████ but then ██████ and the police ██████████.

███▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░░☺