Itâs a hot one out there, and thereâs nothing like kicking back on a hot day with a frozen treat of your choice. But maybe take a bit extra care when rooting around in your freezer, because
Thatâs right, none of you are safe! And to make sure you always remember that, we have our pal Ice Pop Paul available on all sorts of clothing you can wear at all times!
Here he is on a hoodie! Donât like that color? Thatâs fine, we have six other colors to choose from!
âBut what about when it gets too hot, and I need to take my hoodie off?â you say, desperately trying to find a loophole. NOPE, he is on your shirt!
âAha! But my body is shaped different and I prefer a different cut. Sorry Ice Pop Paul, youâll have to find someone else to torment.â Thatâs why we also have him available in this womenâs style cut.
Iâm gonna cut you off before you start, just like I did with these sleeves. We even have him on our tanktops, so stop trying to get out of this.
But it doesnât end there. His madness has spread to drinkware!
Drink from the mug with his mug on it. Show him who is boss by pretending you are drinking straight from his skull. Ignore the whispering and the blood as your mind is haunted, that just means the coffee is working.
Behold his horrible visage upon a glass altar of pain. Do not eat the glass, thatâs exactly what he wants! Use it to drink things, delicious things, and pray to whoever is listening out there that he spares you.
Itâs either this, or hide out in the vault and hope he doesnât find you.
And what is in the vault ainât always so prettyâŚ
It smells like hormones and Reese’s Pieces in here.
We know you have a lot of questions just looking at this shirt. Donât worry, we get this a lot: Brockway is E.T.âs prom date, E.T. is Seanbabyâs prom date, Seanbaby is Brockwayâs prom date. It was a beautiful night, they got John Williams to DJ the whole thing. And lucky for you Rusty captured the sweetest moment and we put the whole thing on a shirt so you can bask in this beautiful memory forever. Shh, shhhh, donât think about it, just buy it.
And remember, vault items are rare and cursed, and for that reason are never linked, and only able to be found by those strong enough to protect the rest of us from them. Thank you for your service.