Welcome to the 1-900-HOT-DOG archives! These are the hilarity vaults, where precious comedy is stored at a stable temperature in a low-moisture environment so that future generations may look back on the works of Seanbaby and Robert Brockway, and despair at how far the art of comedy has fallen in the laughless future. They all know Laser Mime sucks, but they’re just out of ideas.
CGA pixel art by Julia Minamata
Hey there 1-900-HOT-DOG Kidz Club Members (Hot Dogs, Cool Kids!™ ) check out this “totally bad” Image Hunt! Hidden in the cutting-edge Computerized Pictofile above are 25 references to some of 1-900-HOT-DOG’s greatest hits! If you look closely, you might find some hints on this page to help you hunt. Hot Dog! Let’s get lookin’!
- Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Heathcliffs, Cocktails, and Hot Dans Ahoy!
- Reflecting Day: Hot Dan the Mustard Man
- Hot Dog Appreciation Day: The Stickiest Fortnight
- Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Do the Bisexual Bob
- Hot Dog Appreciation Day: The Thin Broth of Winners
- Reflecting Day: The Year! In Review!
- Hot Dog Appreciation Day #4: The Cannibal Cowboy TTRPG
- A Very Rooney Fucking Retrospective
- Hot Dog Appreciation Day: The Mouth at the End of Memory
- Hot Dog Appreciation Day: What’s the Best Head Explosion?
- Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Jerkin’ the Void
- Reflecting Day: New Art, New Tiers, New You!
- Reflecting Day: Seven Months of Hot Dog
- Reflecting Day: It’s Time to Fire Topper!
- Tag-Refucking Day: The Hunk Boat?
- Reflecting Day: Meet Our New Conservative Mormon Content Strategist
- Reflecting Day: Become the ManLoaf
- Reflecting Day: The Unwritable
- Reflecting Day: A Look Back on Our First Month
- Welcome to 1-900-HOTDOG: Gird Your Guts 🌭
- Teamworking Day: Cocktails
- Teamworking Day: Photon
- Teamworking Day: The Best of 2020 🌭
- Teamworking Day: Worldwatch 🌭
- Teamworking Day: Hausu 🌭
- Teamworking Day: PoxCo Regional Pretend Wrestling Qualifiers
- Teamworking Day: The Rumble in the Bronx Clubhouse 🌭
- Podcasting Day: Rumbling in the Bronx with Auralnauts Zak 🌭
- Teamworking Day: The Complete Rumble in the Bronx Breakdown, Part 3 🌭
- Teamworking Day: The Complete Rumble in the Bronx Breakdown, Part 2 🌭
- Teamworking Day: The Complete Rumble in the Bronx Breakdown, Part 1 🌭
- Teamworking Day: Amazing-Man Comics 🌭
- Teamworking Day: PoxCo Regional Pretend Wrestling
- Teamworking Day: The Gorgeous Guys of Gaming 🌭
- Teamworking Day: Baskin 🌭
- Teamworking Day: Blaby Computer Games 🌭
- Learning Day: BEEZBO! 🌭
- Learning Day: A Dream Called Bird Murder Island
- Learning Day: Sensei Rainbow and the Dojo Kids
- Learning Day: How to Defend Yourself Against Alien Abduction 🌭
- Learning Day: Dark Dungeons🌭
- Learning Day: How to Have a Moneymaking GARAGE SALE Starring Phyllis Diller
- Learning Day: How to Become Good at Knife Fighting
- Learning Day: The Best of 2020 🌭
- 365 Ways to Live Happy 🌭
- Heal Your Cat the Natural Way 🌭
- Lose Weight Now: VIDEO HYPNOSIS WITH SUBLIMINALS
- Wow, A Talking Fish!
- Science 4 for Christian Schools – Teacher’s Guide 🌭
- Captain Video vs. The Space Idiots
- Science 4 for Christian Schools 🌭
- Meet Buster Sales! Meet Your DOOM! 🌭
- WikiHow: How to Overcome Lust
- Develop Your Psychic Powers 🌭
- Cracked Remaster: The Most Efficient Way To Do Everything
- How to Catch Fairies
- Alex Schmidt’s Favorite Manly Hot Dog Man 🌭
- Let’s Read: How To Be Cool
- Terminal Madness, Terminal Madness!
- Let’s Read: How to Dominate Women
- WikiHow: How To Manifest Your Desires 🌭
- How to Be a Way Cool Grandfather
- Jack Horkheimer – Star Hustler 🌭
- Let’s Read: The Goth Scene
- The Star SAFEty Coloring Book 🌭
- TRAINS! TRAINS! TRAINS! 🌭
- Learning Day: Almost Reaching Seanbaby
- The Alien Abduction Survival Guide 🌭
- WikiHow: How To Avoid Attention 🌭
- The Truth About Power Rangers
- Space Port Arcade Training Program 🌭
- How to Good-bye Depression 🌭
- Troom Troom? 🌭
- How to Protect Yourself on a Cruise Vacation 🌭
- How to Make Trippy Music 🌭
- The Practical Guide to Ear Candling
- The UFO Strangers Coloring Book
- Develop Your Child’s Psychic Abilities 🌭
- What Ever Happened to Fingerboarding?
- How To Spot Counterfeit Beanie Babies
- How To Be Random
- Punching Day: Malibu Comics’ Street Fighter – The Comic 🌭
- Punching Day: Fight Back!
- Punching Day: The Official WWF Merchandise Catalog
- Punching Day: The Raid: Redemption
- Punching Day: YOUNG, ALERT, and AWARE
- Punching Day: Marvel Questprobe’s The Hulk 🌭
- Punching Day: The Best of 2020 🌭
- Kung Fu for Girls
- The Magic of Martial Arts 🌭
- Street Fighter the Animated Series
- Self-Defense Aerobics 🌭
- Malibu’s Mortal Kombat Comics 🌭
- Pressure Point Karate Made Easy 🌭
- Karate Blazers 🌭
- Karate for Snakes
- Punching Day: Karate Rap
- The Bouncing World of Road House 🌭
- Undercover Grandpa
- The Stunts of Steven Seagal’s Kill Switch
- The Many Certain Deaths of Commando Cody, Part 2 🌭
- Classic Remaster – Brockway’s MC and Seanbaby’s CYODFMA
- SELF-DEFENSE For YOUR CHILD
- The Way Cobra Eats Pizza 🌭
- Steven Seagal’s World of Warships
- The Penetrating Saga of The Penetrator 🌭
- The Ads of True Crime Magazine
- The Bullshit Story of My Life’s Fight 🌭
- Exiles 🌭
- How to Protect Yourself & Survive 🌭
- Road to Sturgis
- Man Comics Presents… Pouch Hopfucker! 🌭
- He-Man’s Fisto’s Forest 🌭
- THE 100 DEADLIEST KARATE MOVES 🌭
- Punching Day: Brockway Needs Time
- Bolo Yeung’s Opus Of Mediocrity 🌭
- Eliminator
- Let’s Read: The Bible, Self-Defense, & Martial Arts
- The Comic Strip
- PoxCo Regional Wrestling Magazine
- Night Man 🌭
- Probably True Stories of ’90s Action Stars Giving Script Notes 🌭
- Combat Simulation Suits 🌭
- Let’s Read: Martial Dance 🌭
- The Sketches of Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘N’ Wrestling 🌭
- The Arcade Masterpiece D.D. Crew
- Double Dragon The Movie 🌭
- 101 Weapons for Women
- Nerding Day: Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers – Official Fan Club Video 🌭
- Nerding Day: Misty – Horror Comics for Girls
- Nerding Day: Wonder Woman 1984 Handsome Man Trading Cards
- Nerding Day: Beverly Hills Teens🌭
- Nerding Day: Brides in Love
- Nerding Day: The Best of 2020 🌭
- The Dark Twist of Devil Stick
- Rapsittie Street Kids Believe in Santa 🌭
- The Thirteen Crappiest Dinosaurs! 🌭
- Let’s Play: Genshin Impact 🌭
- Podcasting Day: Comics Are Stupid Rad with Brendan McGinley 🌭
- The Pac-Man Riddle and Joke Book 🌭
- Nerding Day: Ultimate Tag 🌭
- Howard Johnson’s Sega Game Tips 🌭
- Nerding Day: The Night Man Rollerblading Episode
- Dear Nintendo, My Life is a Goddamn Mess, Part 1 🌭
- Nerding Day: Chojin Sentai Jetman 🌭
- Show Off! How To Be Cool At Parties 🌭
- Nerding Day: Zorklon
- The Many Certain Deaths of Commando Cody 🌭
- CYOA Remaster – Fuck This Blurry Arcade
- Everyone The Wonder Twins Rescued Should Be Dead 🌭
- Jokes For Minecrafters 🌭
- ThunderCats Live!
- The Mighty Foes of Iron Fist! 🌭
- Nerding Day: Symphogear 🌭
- Birdman Theater, Episode 0001 🌭
- Behold: SuperBook
- The Easy 40 Step Method to Cube Dominance 🌭
- Nerding Day: Pat and Julian – Power Nerds
- An Ape History of Donkey Kong Ripoffs 🌭
- Nerding Day: Seanbaby Turns the Tables
- Nerding Day: Play the Ass Game 🌭
- Darktown Strutters: The Gangs
- Nerding Day: Incel Daredevil
- Nerding Day: Space Precinct 2040
- Golden Age Legends: Marvo the Magician and Tito
- Nerding Day: The Last Witch Hunter 🌭
- The Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle Joke Book 🌭
- Nerding Day: Swords of the Barbarians
- Nerding Day: Captain America vs. The Bullshit Robot 🌭
- Nerding Day: Kids Guide to the Internet 🌭
- Shaq Fu (The Novelization) 🌭
- Nerding Day: Revolutionary Girl Utena 🌭
- Star Roars: The Goddamn Outer Space Joke Book 🌭
- Nerding Day: Guardians Of The ‘Hood 🌭
- Fucking Day: The Extremely Horny Trading Cards of Star Trek 🌭
- Fucking Day: 60 Sexy spells of seduction 🌭
- Fucking Day: Playgirl Morning Workout
- Fucking Day: The Romance Writers’ Phrase Book🌭
- Fucking Day: The VR Sex Odyssey🌭
- Fucking Day: Gabriel Byrne’s Hottest Sex Scene 🌭
- Gor
- A Very Rooney Fucking Retrospective
- Transformers Kiss Players
- Explaining Prince to People Who Don’t Know Prince
- Sensual Fantasy For Lovers
- Inseminoid
- 101 Ways to Get and Keep His Attention 🌭
- Denise Richards’ Hottest Scene
- The Better Sex Guide to Anal Pleasure
- Fucking Day: Hololive
- Podcasting: Godek’ing with April O’Neil 🌭
- The Several Opportunities For Sex Of Black Scorpion
- Let’s Read: Crazy Love
- Classic Remaster – Way of the Barbarian
- The Chippendales Board Game
- Experience This Fighting Game Girl Fetish
- Girls X Battle 2
- Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout 🌭
- Angela Lansbury’s Positive Moves 🌭
- Experience… The Chermen
- How to Solve Your Sex Problems With Self-Hypnosis
- The Time The Dirt Bike Kid Fucked His Bike
- Let’s Read: How to Date a White Woman
- SuperVan
- Carmen Electra’s Naked Women’s Wrestling League
- Fucking Day: Seanbaby Does Not Listen
- Let’s Read: Exercising the Penis
- Holiday Dog Movie Fuck Mansion 🌭
- The Worst Day to Have Sex
- Darling in the Franxx 🌭
- Pokemon That Look Like Sex Toys 🌭
- The Sex Orgies of Sarawak
- Natural Bust Enlargement with Total Mind Power
- Fucking Day: Cracked Slashfic
- Let’s Read: 269 Amazing Sex Games
- WikiHow: How to Hide an Erection
- Let’s Read Godek: Romantic Essentials 🌭
- Kemono Michi Rise Up
- The 1,001 Best Places To Have Sex In America 🌭
- Upsetting Day: The 13 Crappiest Demons 🌭
- Upsetting Day: Satanic Ritual Abuse – A Therapist’s Handbook 🌭
- Upsetting Day: Poopsie Slime Surprise 🌭
- Upsetting Day: The Alertness Drug Review
- Upsetting Day: It Won’t Last Forever🌭
- Upsetting Day: Shotgun or Sidearm?
- Upsetting Day: No Longer Afraid 🌭
- Upsetting Day: The Best of 2020 🌭
- Podcasting Day: Grifting with Alex Schmidt 🌭
- Cracked Remaster: The Focus Drug Review
- Let’s Read: Problem Gun Dogs
- Japan’s Soul Tunnels
- 1,001 Ways NOT To Be Romantic 🌭
- Elvis’ Spanking Classic Blue Hawaii
- 1,003 Great Things About Being A Woman 🌭
- Podcasting Day: The Duets of Movies with Jason Pargin 🌭
- Dear Nintendo My Life is a Goddamn Mess Part II
- Love Beyond Circuits, Love Beyond Flesh
- Let’s Read: The Prison Alphabet 🌭
- Gary Busey Pet Judge 🌭
- Let’s Visit: Babyland Hospital
- Classic Remaster – Dumb Things White People Think About Other Races
- Fucking WHAT, Archie?!
- The Piss Scene From The Boy Who Could Fly 🌭
- Dog Police
- Beanie Baby Stories 🌭
- Not Upsetting Day: The Podcast Launch! 🌭
- Ceto’s New Friends 🌭
- Your New Damsel Fetish 🌭
- Death Wish 3 🌭
- The Saved by the Bell Reboot 🌭
- Let’s Read: Cheaters Always Prosper
- Thief in the Night 🌭
- Let’s Read: Children Are No Match For Fire
- Darktown Strutters: The Cursed Images
- The Derangiest Products of Wish 🌭
- iCub
- Let’s Read: BE A CLOWN!
- Dennis Rodman’s The Minis 🌭
- Let’s Read: How to Get Along With Black People 🌭
- The Greatest Heroes and Legends of the Bible 🌭
- HOW TO UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT YOUR GAY SON
- Let’s Watch: ASMR Roleplay 🌭
- Fuck Will.i.am’s Entertainment Tonight Theme Song Remix
- Let’s Read: You Wouldn’t Want to be a Sailor On a 19th Century Sailing Vessel! 🌭
- Let’s Read: A Doris Sanford Special Feature 🌭
- Fanfiction Showcase: My Little Pony – Cupcakes