Let’s Read: How to Dominate Women

Today on Learning Day, we’re looking at a book called How to Dominate Women. Regular 1900hotdoggers might be asking, “How to Dominate Women? Why isn’t this book being looked at on Fucking Day?” I’ll tell you why: because whoever wrote this book has never been laid in his life. This book is a eulogy to the crankiest man’s shriveled genitals. If you found a baby at the bottom of a pool and asked its remains to write a book on swimming, the first draft of its manuscript would be more helpful than How to Dominate Women.

The author, Gary Brodsky, has published many more books on picking up women. One uses charm, one uses mind control, one uses CIA black-op tactics, and three use actual magic. And if you’re trying to use sorcery to get pussy, you’re not doing it because your fun and engaging personality worked. He’s also published one book that is literally tips for sociopaths trying to get revenge, so I guess when Gary Brodsky gets this Google alert I need to watch out for a lonely elderly man trying to key my car.

Here are some of Gary’s greatest hits, and this might shock you, but all of them are self-published. There’s almost a sadness to someone putting this much work into a career that made no one any money and helped zero people. On the other hand, Gary Brodsky’s desperate fantasy is that magic is real and you should use it for sexual assault. The only thing Gary seems competent at is making sure every single book he publishes, no matter what the subject matter, immediately looks like the self-published book of a madman. Does every lunatic saving their manifesto to pdf know the same graphic designer?

How to Dominate Women was written in 2002, around the same time teen pregnancy dropped dramatically in the U.S.. I’m not saying they are related, but I honestly don’t know how to study how well a book on crushing ass works. Spend a lifetime being Gary Brodsky and then compare numbers with a different ugly guy to see if he can top three, five if you count hand stuff, and one of them was half-Blonde?

The book starts by declaring women your enemy, which isn’t a healthy way to start a relationship, but it does help dehumanize them. And dehumanizing women is a necessary step if your main move is going to be rubbing your balls on them until one finally says, “I’m going to let you keep doing this and also not call the police.”

I should also mention Gary sort of fancies himself the Tim Allen of disco lurkers. So, yes, he would absolutely force a woman to have sex with him using any means real or imaginary, and writes books explicitly stating this, but it’s all obscured with what he thinks is just enough irony. He also thinks modern men should get a lot more credit for how easily cavemen could beat up cavewomen, but weirdly enough, I don’t think he’s joking during that part.

Now, dominators, let’s get into the goddamn domination.

The thing that’s great about Gary is he yada-yadas his way through something as immensely complicated as introducing yourself to the woman you’re stalking, making her comfortable, and keeping her attention. By the nature of what you’re doing and the books you read, this will be almost impossible, but Gary is like, “Okay, you got this, let’s skip to the part where she’s taking off her panties.” And then the part that’s deadass simple, not letting her make decisions, Gary repeats and repeats. It’s a perfect example of his mentality– attack every crotch like a Soviet propagandist and good things are sure to happen.

Let’s see more of his tactics in action!

Gary once again skips past how to get a girl’s number to get to the part where you psychologically abuse her with it. He’s literally berating the reader for not being rude enough to a fictional girl in this cliche gambit to damage her self esteem. This reveals two things about Gary: his best case scenario is a girl who is so fragile she “will begin to become frenzied” after the creepiest man she ever gave her number to is 30 minutes late calling. I worry such a woman doesn’t exist, and if she does, she’s already been snatched up by the horny pervert who called her at 9:29.

The other thing it reveals about Gary is he doesn’t know what he’s doing. You can disagree on the effectiveness of his tactics, but when the second chapter in your book on lady domination is about waiting to call her back,  and you seem to think you both invented the idea and that it makes you awesome, you’re legally a fucking idiot. Good or bad, there’s no pickup tip more basic than that. That was a tired trope in ’80s sitcoms. Our great-grandfathers didn’t call our great-grandmothers back to try to lower their self esteem enough for casual sex. Quakers on the Mayflower delayed correspondence to frenzy their potential lovers, Gary. You dumbass, no pussy-getting sack of paper-thin confidence.

There are, no bullshit, eight more pages explaining the concept of not calling a girl back. Gary has all the wisdom of someone outwitting an unlimited toppings salad bar who has never eaten or met a salad. Let’s move on to the third chapter, which is called THE SEDUCTIVE APPROACH: WALKING THE WALK/TALKING THE TALK.

When all you do is stay inside and type books about how you would fuck chicks if you had magic, you can sort of create any world view you want. And Gary, for some reason, fantasizes about a world where super hot girls go for ugly ass “big-eared bananas.”

In Gary’s fantasy world, for some reason, money has nothing to do with a lady’s choice in men. He does argue against himself to bring up how women are shallow, money-grabbing subhumans, but the first Gary easily wins the argument by ignoring the second Gary and the final decision is clear: the ugly, broke men with the beautiful women have something going for them other than looks or money. What could it be!? C-clothes? Is it maybe stylish clothes and cologne?

Oh shit, I was way off. So Gary’s secret is… your approach. This must be, like, an attitude that governs all your decisions and interactions… a coolness in everything you do. I guess that makes sense.

Wait, wait, holy fucking shit. When Gary said approach he meant, like, a person’s physical approach!? This chapter called “WALKING THE WALK” is about actual walking!? Does Gary think these hot girls are following ugly guys around because they once entered a room with the perfect amount of aloofness?

I can’t… I know this guy has been wrong before, but could it really be that simple?

Update: It was. Seven minutes of strut practice and I fucked fucking everything. End of article.